


Thank You, I'm Sorry, I Love You

by LovettOrNot



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop, NCT (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Acting, Airports, Alcohol, Alternate Universe – Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Awkwardness, Blindfolds, Blow Jobs, Breaking Up & Making Up, Casual Sex, Come Swallowing, Coming Out, Concerts, Dating, Dissociation, Drunk Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fuckbuddies, Gags, Getting Back Together, Handcuffs, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jealousy, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Possessive Behavior, Reconciliation, Running Away, Sad, Sex Toys, Sexual Inexperience, Showers, Tags Contain Spoilers, Trainee Era, Vibrators
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-01-07 16:25:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 72,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12236466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovettOrNot/pseuds/LovettOrNot
Summary: Focused mainly on EXO. Other bands play supporting roles.Sehun and Luhan fall hopelessly in love with eachother. An open secret in K-Pop, they pursue their relationship despite the difficulties. Together, they were unstoppable.However, when Luhan follows Kris in opening a lawsuit against SM...How will Sehun, who refuses to leave EXO, deal with losing Luhan, who wishes nothing but to leave?*Badly written and on hiatus. May be rewritten entirely.





	1. I want to protect your smile

When Sehun first laid eyes on Luhan, he didn’t think much of the fellow trainee. Pretty much everybody there was the same; a fresh-faced youth working their hardest to impress the higher-ups all in the hopes of being chosen for a unit. People deviated a little bit in personality and experience here and there, but they were more or less the same. The very first interaction he had with the other trainee was less than stellar, especially since Luhan at that time was a lot less experienced and had this style that was more reminiscent of 2000's punk boy band than the modern look he thought SM was pushing for; the other boy was tan, had long black hair and dressed almost exclusively in white and black tactlessly. That peculiarity made him stand out a little, but in a decidedly bad way, and Sehun wrote him off as just another bit of competition. Whether Sehun realized it or not, that kind of internalized thought shaped his personality, making him more distant to the others all in pursuit of stardom.

The first time they were really brought together wasn't even through any conscious effort between the two of them. Even though Sehun actively chose to stay by himself rather than identify with any particular group and Luhan seemed to be friends with basically everybody, people were seeing a similarity between both of them. Things came to a head when one of the female trainees he was more familiar with came up to him. Her name was Kana and she was the closest thing Sehun had to an acquaintance because she usually ended up nearby him whenever they practiced, but it was clear they were still quite distant from eachother.

“I wanted to ask you a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Soooo… You have a brother, right?”

“Older brother. Why?”

“Luhan’s older than you?”

He couldn’t help but laugh out of pure shock. “What? Why are we talking about Luhan?”

“You know, your brother.”

“He’s not my brother.”

“Are you sure you two aren’t twins? Everybody started talking about you two when you were dancing together.”

“What, during the test? You know how it works. People are paired randomly.. He’s not my brother.”

Even though Kana went away with that kind of knowledge, the number of people who came up to him with the exact same question only increased. At first he politely explained the circumstances, then got annoyed and shut people down, only for him to change once again into answering with snark, having some fun with the question that only seemed to keep on coming. He could tell that it wasn’t just him dealing with it, however. Sometimes when he was walking around the school he’d hear people talking to Luhan, asking him the question he had already gotten used to. At first he only spared some glances toward Luhan, genuinely curious if they looked that much alike. By this time Luhan had already cut down his hair and lightened up incredibly, which made Sehun realize just how attractive he was.

He wasn’t at all confused about what he felt toward the other rookie simply because he wasn’t raised in a particularly conservative household, but he was well aware of the consequences of his sexuality being found out, so every look at Luhan was rationalized one way or another. The most common excuse he gave to himself was comparing their looks, which of course ended up in him admitting that they _did_ look alike enough to be brothers. With that excuse gone he graduated from small looks to big stares that he stole whenever he thought Luhan wasn’t looking. The person he considered to be an ugly duckling blossomed into a gorgeous boy that he didn’t even have the guts to talk to.

Sehun regretted singling himself out as the lone wolf because it would be incredibly awkward for him to suddenly come out and say ‘Hey, I want to be friends with you’, especially when he wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay on the level of just friends. Each day he told himself that he would toughen up, that that day would be the day he definitely talked to Luhan, but each day he would lose his nerve and end up sitting by himself again, staring at Luhan in the mirror and glancing away sharply whenever somebody looked at him.

It was precisely one of those days when everything changed.

After a grueling test of their dancing skills he and Luhan were the first pair to succeed, which meant he ended up in the same room, a thick barrier of silence between them. He sat off in the corner as usual, but to his surprise Luhan crossed the room with him, gave him a shy smile and sat with him. A few seconds of silence next to him was enough to have his heart hammering against his chest to the point that he was afraid he’d have a heart attack.

“Hey, I’m Lu Han.”

His mouth felt dry and he struggled to find words to say, but thankfully he found them before he went too long without answering like a weirdo. “My name’s Oh Sehun.”

“So you’re my twin, huh?”

“You got that question too? It’s really annoying.” For some reason talking about the topic with the only other person who would understand him calmed him right down. There was just something about Luhan that encouraged him to keep his cool despite the bubbly personality Luhan seemed to have.

“It was annoying at first, but I stopped minding it. It’s really funny to see people’s reactions. They’re all like ‘We were sure you were brothers!’”

“I’m not going to lie, that was exactly what somebody told me yesterday.”

“My point exactly. You seem like a fun guy. Wanna hang out some time?”

“I mean, sure, but then people would think we were actually brothers…”

“We could mess around with them. Let them assume things. It’ll just make the moment funnier.”

“Whatever you say, I guess.”

Despite the relatively rocky beginning conversation and the not very exclusive offer of ‘hanging out some time’, Sehun clung onto Luhan as his first real friend. At first he worried that it bothered Luhan, but no matter how many times he asked about it Luhan only took it in stride, confidently leading him along no matter what they did. Both of them were right when it came to the brother situation; more people were convinced they were related, and more of them were shocked to find that they weren’t related at all. The people who did know were impressed by the friendship they established together quickly, but as early as this rumors were flying around that their relationship stretched past just platonic friendship.

Even though Sehun was admittedly curious about what their relationship could be considering the amount of skinship they shared, he didn’t want to ruin his most precious friendship just because he wanted a boyfriend. It didn’t help that he had a habit of staring at Luhan’s lips. He never expected the relationship to go anywhere, but what followed their training years was an absolute myriad of changes. He was casted for SM’s newest boy group called M1- along with Luhan. The future ahead was one big question mark, all uncertainty. Members fizzled in and out of the group, the group’s name was changed, and he lived every day with this fear that either he or Luhan could go home at any moment. They worked so hard for their debut but SM could, completely out of the blue and for no real reason, swap them out for any number of trainees hungry of the chance to graduate and debut into stardom.

Even though they could easily be swapped out they were already introduced to the dorms. It was a nice building, all things considered, and he didn’t even mind having to share his room with somebody else. He was just glad to have a place to call his own that was a lot closer to where they’d be practicing. The building had two floors, the second floor dedicated exclusively to rooms, while the first floor featured both a communal room that served as both the living room and foyer with the rest of the floor taken up by other rooms and one tiny kitchen tucked away near the back. He didn’t expect anyone to actually use the kitchen, though, considering most of the trainees ate takeout or barely ate at all.

Unfortunately, he and Luhan ended up in entirely different rooms. Luhan was alone in his own room on the first floor, while Sehun was stuck with a guy named Junmyeon. His stage name was Suho, and he was already being billed as the leader of EXO simply because of his experience. Even if Sehun wanted to be leader he couldn’t argue with the years that Junmyeon had over him, so he quickly found respect for the guy even though he could be a dork at times. He could tell that he was the kind of person to baby others just by the way he acted and the way he looked. The only qualm he had with Junmyeon was that he liked to complain that Sehun’s side of the room was messy when, in his eyes, it wasn’t _too_ messy.

There was no time to refine himself, no second chances, so he brought his A-game every single practice even though it was exhausting to do so. There were so many feelings that he and Luhan shared together that couldn’t really be expressed through words that they just experienced and understood by being around eachother. After finishing only the 3rd dance practice with the tentative members of the group, he felt an irrational fear that if he didn’t do something now then he would miss his chance to experience something life changing. In his world where the only certainty was Luhan, he had to seize the moment. He waited until the rest of the members- at this point consisting of Junmyeon, Minseok, Chanyeol and a handful of others he didn’t really think were cut out for it- left the room. After a bit of small talk he made sure to wait a bit before he and Luhan left, only for him to press Luhan against the wall with his body, trapping him there by placing both hands next to Luhan’s head. They were in the hallway and there was a huge chance that they’d be seen, but he didn’t care.

 “Sehun?” Luhan’s voice was delicate and angelic at times, but this went even beyond that. His voice was barely there, and some dark side of him wanted nothing more than to hear how that voice would break and hitch when they were together. Thankfully the more rational side of him kept him in line, reminding him that they weren’t even in a relationship yet.

“Luhan, do you trust me?” It took every bit of Sehun’s willpower not to explore every inch of Luhan’s mouth before he consented to it.

Sehun watched intently at Luhan’s delicate Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, waiting with abated breath for his answer. “If I ask what this is about you’re probably not going to tell me so I’ll say… yes.”

“I love you, Luhan.”

Sehun had to fight tooth and nail to prove that he was even worthy of being part of a group, hell, he’s still fighting for his spot and even knowing that, that all paled in comparison to the amount of fear that came in that single confession. Only four words and he felt like he was going to collapse, ready to burst into tears- out of happiness or out of bitter sadness, that was up to Luhan’s response.

Pink quickly dusted Luhan’s cheek as he glanced away, eyes flittering this way and that but never really settling anywhere, especially not on Sehun. This was it. Sehun probably screwed everything up and he’d either lose who he thought was the love of his life forever or otherwise stain their relationship with awkwardness that would never go away. His thoughts went a mile a minute, imagining how he’d do things without Luhan, terrified of reverting back to the cold and distant trainee he had been years ago.

Suddenly, Luhan’s lips were on his and all of his feelings and sensation exploded. His arms dropped immediately, landing squarely on Luhan’s hips. He could feel Luhan’s hands running through his hair. He returned the kiss with the fervor of several years of repressed feelings, swallowing up Luhan as much as he could as long as his breath allowed.

Despite his attempts to prolong the kiss, all too soon they were forced to break apart. Absolutely exhausted and yet still jittery, as if electricity was running through his veins, Sehun wrapped his arms around his new boyfriend, pleased to find that Luhan’s heart was beating just as fast as his. The warmth between them was like a comfortable shroud, and Sehun wanted nothing more than to hold Luhan forever, or for that matter kiss him forever, but he stepped back out of obligation. There would be people using this exact room soon and it’d be awkward if they were kicked out of the group for a scandalous make out session even before they properly debuted.

“We should be going now.” Sehun offered his hand and Luhan took it shyly, enjoying their newfound closeness for as long as they could, separating once they were about to enter their dorm. Junmyeon and Minseok stared at them as soon as they entered, obviously scrutinizing gazes making Sehun’s skin crawl. He was already well acquainted with Junmyeon so he knew what to expect, but Minseok was a different story. Minseok looked a little chubby, especially since he had very round cheeks, and would have looked like the maknae of the group were it not for Luhan. They didn’t talk much because Sehun much preferred Luhan’s company.

A quick glance at Luhan, though, left him feeling helpless, seeing his new boyfriend acting as if literally nothing happened and nonchalantly leaving his side to go to his room. With a little sigh he settled down on the sofa next to Minseok, grabbing one of the pillows and shoving it into his own face.

Junmyeon thankfully didn’t seem interested enough to question Sehun about what he was doing, but he didn’t leave the room, unfortunately leaving him as another witness should he spill considering Minseok was more than happy to interrogate. Leaning over, Minseok gently pulled the pillow off of Sehun’s face, smiling a fair bit as he did so. “What took you two so long?”

Drearily, Sehun looked over at the other group member, back to the usual intimidating look on his face. He was glad that he naturally looked displeased otherwise Minseok and presumably Junmyeon could see just how much that question bothered him. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

He hadn’t been around Minseok long enough to know just how persistent he could be about things he was truly curious about, so he could only groan when a cheeky “C’mon” was what he got in response. He wasn’t entirely sure whether or not Minseok was one of those types to dog somebody on an issue like a certain Chanyeol, but he didn’t want to deal with that potential headache. He took a moment to drag out another exaggerated sigh before properly replying.

“Luhan noticed that I was fumbling a little.” He had to restrain himself from breaking out into a grin just picturing his precious boyfriend. “Made me stay back with him, made sure I got it right.” He got up, even further unwilling to stick around the room just in case Minseok or even Junmyeon had even more comments to give him.

He made the barest effort to look around the room, knowing full well that the person he shared his room with was still outside. Before long he was in bed, chasing the wisps of sleep that his body gave him. While he was admittedly very tired, he couldn’t stop replaying the memory of that kiss in his head over and over again, no amount of self-shaming or comparisons to lovesick schoolgirls successfully getting the thought of Luhan out of his head. He went to sleep smiling, a rarity for him.

Things progressed slowly, the early spontaneous energy of their relationship-sealing kiss traded for quiet and close moments, little cuddles and smooches whenever they could steal them away from the prying eyes of both their groupmates and the SM higher-ups.

As M1 turned into EXO and SM finalized the members, everyone shared sighs of relief, most of all Sehun and Luhan, overjoyed that their blossoming relationship wasn’t cut short at the hands of an uncaring company. There was still the issue of their groupmates, however, something that Sehun and Luhan (moreso Luhan) wanted to face head on. Sehun watched as Luhan sat all of EXO down and boldly announced their status without his consultation.

“Me and Sehun are dating.”

Sehun only barely looked at the other people’s reactions, noting with vague interest that none of them seemed all that surprised, far too busy gripping Luhan’s arm to deal with the dread that shot into him. “Xia Lu, you should’ve told me about this.” He hated how squeaky his voice came out, but he couldn’t believe that his boyfriend would just expose them so nonchalantly. Granted, he had no idea how he would’ve fessed up to the rest of EXO, but still!

It annoyed him to no end when Luhan only giggled at his despair, patting his head, but couldn’t find it within himself to do anything once Luhan rested his head on his shoulder, instinctively putting his on top of his boyfriend’s as an almost protective gesture. “Sehunnie, you’re adorable when you’re mad.” With only one sentence, his anger softened into mild disappointment, making him mutter something along the lines of ‘Don’t do it next time’ just as another member finally spoke up.

“Ahh, so this all started that day you two stayed back after dance practice, right?” That came from Minseok, roundish face accentuating his apparent epiphany. “I guess both of you got two benefits out of that. I should’ve done this before we got finalized. How long did it take before you two went past just dance practice?”

Next to speak was Junmyeon, stepping in almost immediately after Minseok finished his question, shaking his head and laughing a bit. “They didn’t start because of dance practice. I don’t exactly know what happened, but it was kind of obvious that something  _did_  happen considering Luhan looked pristine while Sehun… not so much.”

Sehun shot Luhan a quick accusatory glance and, as if sensing it, Luhan responded even without looking away from Suho. “I thought he would have come up with a good explanation, and he kinda did if you weren’t willing to call him out on it.”

Out of nowhere Chanyeol snapped his fingers. “I knew we should have bet on it.” That absurd comment successfully cracked up each member, the laughter melting away the tension in a way Sehun did not expect, especially since homosexuality was a big deal in Korea. Despite the laughter, there were still stray worries that he wanted to get out now, to give himself peace of mind about the topic as a whole.

“So most of you knew.” He wraps one arm around Luhan, admittedly more a way to make himself feel secure rather than the other way around. “Question is, are you all alright with this?” Luhan meets Sehun’s hand with both of his own, the delicate action completely contrasting to the dead serious stare that both of them gave the rest of the members. They worked hard for their places in this group and loved eachother more than anything else, ready to stand in solidarity even if every single other member were to turn against them.

Thankfully, it wasn’t nearly as dramatic as either of them pictured. A few members jumped to give their support, the majority following their coattails in order to ensure that the couple felt accepted. Very few members gave more subdued reactions, those being Suho and Tao, but they were nonetheless as supportive as the rest of them.

After all was said and done and most of the members had already dispersed, Tao happened to have a very pertinent question, asking it just as the couple was about to leave. “Is anybody else going to know about this?” Despite its simple wording it was one of the most complicated questions he’d have to answer. Would they tell their families, SM or the public? How would any of the three feel? He could only open his mouth slightly, reaching for an answer that wasn’t there yet.

Luhan quickly took the reins on the situation, proving to Sehun once again that Luhan’s adorable looks could be deceiving. “No.” He looked up at Sehun again, determined look on his face. “We can’t tell anybody until EXO is over. Don’t think even for a second that SM would allow this to happen even if every single member vouched for us. We’d be dropped immediately.”

Sehun nodded briefly, the full weight of the sentiment settling on him. It made sense and there was no need to clarify or repeat what his boyfriend said. One last look at Tao showed his satisfaction at their answer. It was so easy for one to be blinded by love and rose-tinted glasses, but in the competitive entertainment industry he couldn’t let certain aspects of his love show just yet. Love was about making sacrifices to begin with, so why not take the sacrifice that limited what they could show but kept them financially stable and close to eachother?

The financially stable part worked out pretty well. Thanks to their success on debut and even bigger successes with each comeback, he and Luhan were making more money in a month than what most people their age would ever make in their entire lives. The problem was the closeness, i.e. the lack of it.

Most of the time it was a blur of shooting, practicing, mind-numbing exhaustion, precious time spent with Luhan and then the welcome embrace of sleep before the entire cycle started again. The fast paced day and tiring shooting schedules Sehun could take in stride, the parts that really made him want to break down were the times when he  _couldn’t_  be with Luhan. Being an EXO-K member, he was stuck promoting in Korea while his Xia Lu promoted all the way in China with EXO-M.

Sometimes he actually  _would_  break down into tears, usually getting over it without the help of his peers, but there were occasions when the rest of EXO-K had to contact Luhan one way or another just to calm him down. He felt horrible for relying so much on his boyfriend instead of taking solace with his other friends within EXO, but no matter how much he apologized, the other members refused to let him take any sort of blame. In that way EXO quickly became a second family to him, sometimes even closer because they knew and understood how hard it was to be an idol.

He always did his best to please the fans with as big a smile as possible, and it was interesting to see how quickly fans noticed and for once correctly rumored about his relationship with Luhan. He couldn’t help but beam every time he was allowed to be with his boyfriend and there was something strangely validating about openly showing his closeness with Luhan even if it could be taken in a completely platonic way. It was almost as if the crowd was cheering for their relationship instead of what was likely just them imagining themselves with any one of the members- including himself and his boyfriend.

Around the Growl era during one of the longer lapses in shooting, they decided to take their relationship to the next step, going beyond just the hugs and kisses and into an entirely new realm of intimacy. Sehun dyed his hair platinum blond while Luhan went with pink-blond, which, while a strange combination, worked well for his boyfriend. Pink was the color of passion, though, and they found themselves in their hotel room, both of their sexual inexperience coming to light as they fumbled again and again trying to find the correct way to go about... well, sex. It wasn’t very romantic and from what he could remember it was very rushed, but the fact that they did something like that at all was proof to him that their relationship could go on despite being so strained. There was a marked difference holding Luhan’s hand and being with him in a way nobody else had the chance to experience. They couldn’t really establish who was on top or who was on the bottom, so Luhan chalked them both up to be versatiles.

One of the lowest points for the band as a whole came when Kris took up legal action against SM. He honestly couldn’t form an opinion on the entire situation since Kris was with EXO-M and no matter how much he asked Luhan, he didn’t get a definitive answer on whether Kris’ claims were true or not. He could definitely sympathize with Kris’ feelings about being treated like a product especially with their schedules, but he hoped that SM and Kris could come to a peaceful resolution so that nothing threatened EXO or the happiness it gave people.

What he didn’t expect, however, was that not only would Kris not come to reconcile with the company, but yet another member would join him in taking up a lawsuit.

He had barely read the news when Luhan, along with the rest of EXO-M minus Kris, came into Korea. Luhan grinned as he came up to Sehun when they arrived at the dorm, almost giddy in the way that he squeezed Sehun with a powerful hug. Dragging him into a room away from everybody else, he broke the news to him.

“Sehunnie, I’m going to be leaving SM soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a bit of information to take in for only the 1st chapter, but I swear things will slow down. I wanted to get past the fluffy side of their relationship quickly so I could focus on the angst and then the restorative fluff. Of note, however, there are two particular plot points I can't decide between. So far all that the AU really is is confirming Hunhan, but I want to take it farther than that. So, here's a little poll, a chance for you all to influence the story nice and early. Keep in mind I may choose an entirely different way to proceed if it ends up being that people vote roughly the same amount for each side.
> 
> Should:  
> 1\. Sehun leave EXO and join Luhan in independence?  
> 2\. Or Luhan swallow his pride, reconcile with SM and rejoin EXO?


	2. Just follow me

Being newly established members of a boy group, it was incredibly difficult to sneak out. For one, their schedule was suffocating and despite having already released several EPs and an album, they were supervised just as tightly as they were when they were still rookies. His innocent face and charming smile worked wonders- and in this case, it allowed Luhan to slip away from the eyes of EXO-M and the staff in charge of the shoot with honeyed excuses and pleading looks.

He knew that if he turned around even once, if he doubted himself, he wouldn’t be able to go through with it. He usually wasn’t the kind of person to be shaken in terms of their determination, but no matter how much he tried to deny it he formed bonds with members of EXO that couldn’t easily be broken. It was only after thinking long and hard about it and focusing on his and Sehun’s future that he was able to march away from the set and right into the lawyer’s office.

His ‘little break’ turned into several hours as he brought up every single bit of dirt he could use against SM to his lawyer, especially his deteriorating health and the lack of promotions compared to the Korean members. Strangely, during that entire visit, he didn’t feel much regret. Somewhere, disconnected from the rest of him, he felt guilty for kicking EXO while it was down. He knew that if he focused on any member aside from Sehun during the interview, he would break down, so during the entire ordeal he divulged information as cold and clinically as possible.

He carried that same attitude when he returned later that day, feigning his apology to the staff but actually feeling sorry for delaying the rest of the members. Luhan wanted to let the members have fond memories of him while he was still around. He fully acknowledged that it was a flimsy reason, like applying a band-aid right before he stabbed them in the back, but he had enough of SM and what EXO was doing to him. He was tired of living in a perpetual state of exhaustion without any chance for him to ever be open with Sehun.

The full extent of guilt only reared its ugly head when he was sitting on a 3 hour flight to Seoul with the rest of EXO-M. Nowhere to go, the members all interacting with eachother, and worst of all, he couldn’t sleep. The fans only saw a few sides of EXO, the ones that SM wanted them to see, but experiencing them not as figures on a stage but real human beings who weren’t trying to be relatable for the cameras was an entirely different experience. If he saw them as just coworkers he would have been fine, but even looking at Yixing or Tao seated next to him made him die inside. They were genuinely good people who were like family and he wanted to leave.

But then he would think about Yifan. There were nights at 3AM when they were both awake, so tired that they didn’t even feel tired, that almost mechanical euphoria driving them on to do what they had to do the next day without a choice. They talked about life, hardships and the point of EXO during those times. Most of the time general words of encouragement were exchanged, but they sometimes dipped low into the critical zone, the breaking point occurring when Yifan was diagnosed with myocarditis and SM swept the entire incident under the carpet.

He was the first one to know about the lawsuit. At first Luhan felt a cocktail of emotions- sadness, anger at Yifan, anger at SM, just an entire bundle of negatives. But as Yifan explained his plan and how it would be better for all of them even if it looked bad at the beginning, Luhan had to admit that he was envious of him. Luhan had many thoughts of leaving SM, but those were dashed when Sehun talked so highly about EXO that he couldn’t bear to talk to him about it.

He knew Sehun would react negatively, but there was nothing but time and logical arguments on his side. He had already made his decision and in the span of a few days the news of his lawsuit should spread as quickly as Yifan’s did. If he could just convince Sehun to look past all of his initial disappointment and listen to him, then everything could work out for the better, whether he or the rest of EXO knew it or not.

 

“Sehunnie, I’m going to be leaving SM soon.”

Luhan gripped the sides of Sehun’s face with his hands, already rushing to comfort his boyfriend even before he noticed the tears in his eyes. “Calm down, calm down, calm down. Everything’s going to be OK.”

With one choked sob Sehun let the floodgates open, tears streaming down his cheeks. Luhan patiently wiped away the tears as they fell while waiting for his answer, internally reprimanding himself for daring to hurt his own boyfriend like this but also reminding himself that this was all for the greater good.

Sehun’s voice trembled as he started to speak, moving Luhan’s hands away from his face.  “How is everything going to be OK when you’re not going to be around me anymore? Luhan, we barely got to see eachother and now you tell me you’re leaving? What happened!?” Luhan jumped a little, startled by the sudden raise in Sehun’s voice and accusatory tone at the end. He raised his hands and stepped back, trying to respond in the calmest tone possible to avoid provoking him.

“That’s the thing, Sehun. Please, I know you’re angry, just please hear me out.” As much as Luhan wanted to hug Sehun and comfort him in the normal way, he knew that he was the center of his boyfriend’s aggression and as much as they loved eachother, Sehun could be unpredictable when he was this angry. “I did this on purpose.”

“YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE?” Luhan flinched as Sehun yelled and approached, acknowledging his mistake.“It’s so nice to know that my boyfriend is leaving me and he did this on purpose. You’re tired, right? You’re tired of us? What have I been doing wrong, Lu?” Sehun aggressively wiped away his tears, his emotions now whipped up into an inferno of animosity. “Am I not good enough? Go ahead, say it.”

Something in Sehun’s speech hit a nerve within Luhan, strong discontent battling with fear for the dominant feeling. He was terrified that he was no longer the deer prince in his love’s eyes, more like a deer staring into the red, bloodshot eyes of an angry wolf, but the pride he held within him was urging him to act out, to stand up to this predator. He gulped, eyes once again flittering, glad that the other members of EXO hadn’t barged in with how loud Sehun was being. He stood his ground, not willing to give that up, willing himself to stare right back at Sehun this time instead of avoiding his gaze.

“I love you, but you’re an idiot sometimes. Just let me explain.” Luhan sped up his speech, trying to get his points across before Sehun could cut him off again in the middle of a bad interpretation. If only he had the patience maybe he could have handled this better, but he was trying his best to salvage what was already a really bad situation.

“SM treats us really badly. I didn’t tell you this because I didn’t want you to worry, but I’ve been feeling worse and worse. I’m  _not_  well. This schedule isn’t healthy. I haven’t slept well in years and even when I do get to sleep I can’t help but dream about you only for me to wake up and realize that you’re all the way in another country. You wanted to know why Yifan wanted to leave badly, right? He had a heart condition. SM refused to treat it properly and  _made_  him work.” He noticed with some sick satisfaction that Sehun was speechless, but continued nonetheless. He was done with being subtle. “If you care about me and our relationship, we both need to leave SM. We’re famous now. We don’t need a company or a group to back us up anymore, we can just work independently with whatever company wants us.”

Sehun turned away from him, clasping his hands behind his head and sighing. “So you’ve thought this through. But you realize what this will do, right? We’d be ruining lives to make ours a little easier.” Sehun turned around again, the face of violent anger now replaced with colder, bitterer vexation. “What happened to ‘We Are One’? Did you just forget about all the other members of EXO? If three members were to leave all in the same year, what was the point of anything we did?” Luhan felt the contempt dripping from Sehun’s words hitting him full force. “If you’re willing to just abandon this family because you think it’ll be better for just the two of us rather than the group as a whole, then maybe you’re the one who doesn’t care about me or our relationship because we only met because of EXO. They don’t deserve to be abandoned.”

Luhan shuddered and looked downward at the floor in an attempt to keep some semblance of dignity and rationality, going so far as to ball his hands into fists in rage. This was supposed to go so much better. Sehun was supposed to just listen to him and follow along so that they could both be happy. What was wrong with being selfish for a little bit? The other members were innocent and they would take a hit if they all left so suddenly, but if they just worked hard enough they could rebound even without them. Sometimes selfishness was the only right path and if Sehun couldn’t see it, then he’d have to force him to see it eventually. “You can’t change what already happened. I’ve already gone through with the lawsuit and… if you can’t come with me, then we can’t be boyfriends.”

Time slowed to a trickle as each stare pierced into the others’ soul. Luhan only felt completely and utterly numb, his emotions once again collapsing in on themselves in order to save him from the pain that this entire conversation gave him as a defense mechanism. He couldn’t read Sehun’s expression through the icy front, but he knew his boyfriend well enough to assume he was feeling horrible. Sehun was the type of person to feel things as they came, going through their motions as early as possible.

The standstill broke when Sehun shook his head. He allowed his shoulders to slump and sat on the floor, staring for a while at absolutely nothing. A smile gradually crept onto his face as he held onto his head, much to Luhan’s surprise. His voice perfectly mirrored his previous actions, crumbling, soft and defeated. “So you’re breaking up with me?”

“Only if you aren’t going to leave with me.”

“Luhan, don’t make me do this. Please.”

“And what if I am!?” Luhan finally lost his cool, disgust staining his pretty face. “You’ve  _always_  been too indecisive, and now that I’m making you choose for once you’re breaking down. How am I supposed to feel hearing my boyfriend choose his  _friends_ over me? I get it, Sehun, you care about them. I care about them too. Do you think I like doing this to them?” He batted insistently at the area just beneath his eyes, willing himself not to cry. He couldn’t detach himself any longer and the pain that shot through him left him in absolute agony, only fueling the spirited rant he gave. “It hurts me just as much as it hurts them. But when it all comes down to it, I’m willing to hurt myself and other people for you. I can’t take back what I did. Now that I’m asking you to do the same you’re abandoning me for them.”

Once he started shaking his head he couldn’t stop, his vision so blurred by the encroaching tears that everything melted into colored blobs. “I’m sorry, Sehun, but maybe this is proof that we weren’t meant to be boyfriends after all.” Something like static filled his ears, leaving him deaf to Sehun’s pleas. He allowed himself just one swipe of the hand to clear the tears and before Sehun could do anything, he turned around and took off running.

All he wanted to do now was run, run away from this problem, from Sehun, from EXO as a whole. He only barely avoided running head-on into Suho, but he couldn’t stop now. If he stopped now, Sehun would catch up to him and he’d be hurt again. So he pushed on with his run, running past the rest of the members all apparently gathered in the communal room, only vaguely recognizing their faces and the shock plastered onto them. Each look was just another ache, so he looked straight ahead and ran into the street.

He had no idea where to go, who to turn to or what he would even do when he would inevitably be forced back into the same dorm that housed the entire problem. As soon as those thoughts came up he pushed them aside, instead focusing on what he felt and burning all of the emotion within him. Passersby were bewildered by his appearance, especially those who recognized him as a member of EXO, but before long his angry reverie was interrupted, thankfully away from the eyes of paparazzi or fans who would turn this into a huge story.

Somebody gripped his forearm and he stopped in his tracks, cocking his right arm back, almost swinging it at who he assumed was Sehun. It was a good thing he didn’t, or he would’ve clocked Tao right in the face. Seeing Tao retrieving him was somehow both the correct and wrong decision in Luhan’s eyes. He was glad that it wasn’t Sehun so he couldn’t act out foolishly, but he was disappointed in the fact that he’d still have to deal with this blatant problem.

He didn’t even try to resist, Tao’s only communication being a ‘come back’ gesture. He was ready to run right back to the dorm to save face and prevent recognition, only for Tao to provide him with a mask and shades. Thankful for the opportunity to stroll and clear his thoughts instead of making a mad dash, he started sorting out what he’d say to the other members, most of all Sehun, when Tao broke his concentration by speaking up.

“There’s only one thing that can make you cry like that, so I won’t ask you about it.” Even though he was speaking to Luhan, Tao refused to look at him. Luhan couldn’t really blame him. “I’ve told you how I felt about Yifan leaving. Just tell me… is it true?”

Despite his vague wording, Luhan fully understood what Tao was talking about. Tao took it the hardest when Yifan left and it didn’t take him long to figure out that Yifan confided all of this with Luhan beforehand. Luhan just happened to be his accomplice in keeping the secret and it just so happened that Tao had successfully zeroed in on his own. “It’s true. And Sehun doesn’t want to- doesn’t want me to leave.”

They spent the rest of the walk to the dorm in silence, both of them unwilling to continue the conversation. When he walked in, he expected Sehun and the rest of the members in full on intervention mode, ready to butt in on the issue- and Luhan would lose the argument, because he’d be the only one vouching for leaving. However, the only ones around to greet him were Yixing and Jongdae, making him assume that the rest of the members were busy comforting Sehun or otherwise avoided the situation entirely.

Yixing wasted no time in comforting him, wrapping his arms around him in a way that reminded him too much of the boy he just ran away from. He reciprocated the best he could, a very light hug back, before breaking off the hug himself. Now that he was here with nowhere to hide once again, he felt bile slowly creeping up his throat. His voice was wrecked, but he nonetheless played it off as nothing more than a polite question. “How is he?”

Chen answered without even batting an eyelid. “He’s a wreck.” The ease with which Chen replied worried Luhan a bit, unsure of whether he sided more with Sehun on this matter. None of the EXO-M members had anything further to comment, apparently, though there was the elephant in the room to address. Luhan had to be the one to mention it.

“You’re probably wondering what happened between us.” Sehun probably divulged all of the information he was given to the people with him, so hiding it would just make the situation worse. “The truth is, I’ve been trying to convince him to come with me. He didn’t really want to go, because… well, I wanted the both of us to leave SM.”

Tao was looking away from the conversation, trying to seem as apathetic as possible, Chen didn’t make an effort to disguise his disappointment and Yixing expressed absolute shock. The unholy trifecta of reactions that Luhan didn’t want but knew he would get. They were supposed to hear about it after he left the dorm, but now his secret was out and he broke up with his boyfriend, the very person he did all of this for.

“I’m sorry, guys, I just-“

“Save it.” Tao cut him off, still unwilling to even face him. Luhan’s mouth fell open, midsentence, only to close at Tao’s sharp order. He knew that he deserved all of this, but he was getting tired of it. Resentment built up within him and he chose to bottle all of it up, giving a small shrug as he went to his room. With nothing else to do, he pulled out his phone, laid down and called the only person who could sympathize with him- the only other member with the balls to leave, Yifan.

His eyes started to shut to the constant ringtone, fully expecting Yifan to be unable to answer the phone at this time, only to be proven wrong as Yifan finally picked up. “Hello?” For a few moments, he could do nothing but stare at the phone in sleepy surprise, almost dropping it once Yifan spoke again. “Hyung, what is it?”

“Everything went wrong.” He slowly slipped off the shoes he still had on and carelessly discarded them. He wondered briefly what Yifan would say about him if he could see him now. Hell, he would hear about it soon enough.

A moment of silence passed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you to do anything-”

“You didn’t tell me anything I wasn’t already planning on doing. In fact, I’m glad I listened to you.” He laid down again, eyes tracing imaginary patterns on the ceiling. His chest was tight, wracked with intermittent flashes of pain that he ignored simply because he knew that they were all emotional. If he could be swallowed up by the void or throw all of his emotions away in that moment, he would have, but the best thing he had now was a faint glimmer of hope present within the only person who understood him at the moment; Yifan.

“I broke up with Sehun. Everybody knows that I’m leaving now. It won’t be long before I’m kicked out of here.” His chest suddenly felt lighter, the very realization of the fact apparently funny enough to make him have a full-fledged laugh. “I feel horrible. But it feels like I’m getting better. Maybe all of this isn’t a mistake. Maybe this is just life’s weird framing device to make sure that I appreciate what I have even after all of this. I have a reputation, I have experience, I have everything that’ll make sure I stay successful. But I couldn’t have done this without you. And I  _still_  have you.”

A murmur of approval came from the other end, Yifan openly expressing his happiness with Luhan’s choice. “You’re welcome to stay with me anytime. If we focus on using the scandal while it’s still a popular story, especially together, we can land just about any role we want.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Luhan wasn’t ready to give up, not yet. He wouldn’t let a broken heart or being an outcast stop him. He had absolutely nothing to look back to or lose anymore; all he could do now was look forward into the future with Yifan.

It was unfortunate that Sehun had to become a regret, but Luhan had no time or patience for him anymore. He had to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note on the inconsistent naming: I wanted to emphasize the difference in familiarity that Sehun and Luhan have with specific people. So Luhan would think of Suho as Suho, while Sehun would think Junmyeon. This will also come into play later when Luhan has been away from the group for a good while, probably going to end up referring to the members as their stage names in his mind.


	3. Swallowed my words

Night fell, the day came to a close, and the sun rose again and began the day anew. This was the cycle that governed many people’s lives and had once been what Sehun adhered to. In the span of one day, however, his entire viewpoint shattered in a way he had never expected. He pushed away everything; contractual obligation, the efforts made by his friends, and even his own urges to confront Luhan. He felt drained to the point that he felt like he could wither away at any moment, turn into dust and scatter away, far from the strange and cruel world he suddenly found himself in.

When the other members first rushed in to make sure he was alright, he could barely respond, his fractured thoughts conjuring up images of Luhan in a thousand different lights until he could no longer tell what he felt either in the present or the long-gone past.

Hours later, when his head was no longer spinning, he internally thanked the other members for largely leaving him alone, allowing him to slowly but surely wallow through the murk that had encapsulated the entirety of his mind. One member in particular had refused to leave, that being Minseok. His initial irritability gave way to appreciation when it was clear that he was there only to watch after him and make sure he didn’t do anything stupid instead of coddling and prodding him.

Had Sehun been his usual self, he probably would have become very close friends with Minseok almost immediately as per his clingy nature, but he was far too busy memorizing the lines of the wall next to his face to act, especially considering his weakness and the comfort his bed gave him. At some point he dozed off, because by the time he woke up he noticed the yellow glow from the sun completely absent, replaced by the pale white of the moon. To his surprise Junmyeon hadn’t returned, but there was still a person with him, sleeping in Junmyeon’s bed.

He sat up once he worked through the grogginess, unable to stop himself from staring at Minseok’s sleeping face. He’d grown a lot since his trainee years, the cute phase having long since surpassed by the masculine. He had never realized just how prone Minseok was to making faces until he had seen that same face perfectly still, mouth just the barest bit ajar. He shamelessly admitted to himself that his group member was attractive, only to cringe as he realized that he had already gone through this same process and regretted it. Trying to escape the thoughts of Luhan, he went back to sleep.

He half expected to wake up at some odd hour of the day when nobody was around or again in the middle of the night when everybody was asleep, but this time he happened to be purposely awoken by his self-appointed guardian. He looked up in surprise at the face he had just stared at last night hovering above his own, rubbing his eyes after Minseok moved away from him. He sat up to stretch only to be hit with a delicious scent coming from a tray that was just deposited on his lap. He dug in immediately, quelling the hunger that came from skipping a meal due to severe emotional drainage.

Minseok watched him from Junmyeon’s bed with apt interest the entire time, unable to hide his excitement at the prospect of being able to feed him which, now that Sehun thought about it, was pretty weird. Sehun raised an eyebrow in amused confusion, at which Minseok sprang out of his seat and started to explain. “You look a lot happier now. Are you OK?”

He had to stop eating the food to properly judge whether or not he was capable of performing, trying not to confuse the unconditional joy of eating with mental stability. It only took a few moments of remembering yesterday’s events for his hands to shake, and he had to force himself to stop that train of thought before he did something that he’d regret. “I think that I’ll be alright in here. I don’t think I can go out to see… him.” He hung his head low. “We’re filming something together though, right? I’ll have to be with him and pretend like nothing’s wrong.”

Minseok’s smile dropped considerably. “We’re not going to be filming anything for a little while. News broke about the lawsuit and SM’s under fire for everything related to EXO.” He gingerly places a hand on Sehun’s shoulder, only applying real pressure once Sehun didn’t react negatively to it. “Take as much time as you need. Junmyeon and I switched rooms. You don’t mind me being here, right?”

In a considerably better mood now that he knew he wasn’t going to be forced to see his ex, he smirked a bit before putting on the most serious face he had. “As long as you keep giving me food, I don’t mind.”

He received a playful punch on the shoulder for that. “You’re even worse than Jongin when he’s sick. Well, maybe not. He asks me to hug him so he can sleep.”

Sehun batted his eyelashes, exaggeratedly clasping his hands together. “What if I want you to hug me, hyung?”

There was a bit of hesitation on Minseok’s part, but he laughed good-naturedly anyway. “Maybe another time. Nice to see that you’re well enough to joke around.”

While the emotional pain that Sehun had experienced was very real, they had mostly faded over the span of the following days, especially with the way Minseok had been handling him. He never overtly pushed or forced Sehun to venture outside of his room and always accompanied him as an escort just on the off chance Luhan would happen to be at the dorm; an increasing rarity with how often Luhan went out alone. Before long he was back to resembling his old self, though he now clung to and only showed the majority of his emotion around Minseok.

Of course, this idyllic lifestyle had to change sooner or later, as more events rocked the already rickety boat that EXO found itself on. All of the members except Sehun knew full well when Luhan was going to make his departure, but nobody thought that it was a good idea to tell him before the very day of his exit.

So when that day finally came, Sehun figured out something was amiss when Minseok failed to wake him up. He threw together a haphazard half-blind attempt at dressing himself before he left his room. No matter how hard he looked inside of the dorm, he couldn’t find head or tails of any of the members, an eerie feeling settling within his chest. It was only when he checked Luhan and Yixing’s room and saw half of it devoid of any belongings that he dashed out of the dorm, only then finding the rest of the group watching as Luhan sat on a suitcase, facing the road ahead.

Jongin was the first one to notice him approach, only throwing nervous glances at him. Sehun simply weaved past the group as smoothly as possible, only to be stopped by Minseok and Junmyeon just as he was about to cross the open space between the group and his ex. Junmyeon was the one to speak up, so it was easier for Sehun to brush off whatever he said and continue on. Some small portion far at the back of his mind felt guilty for not even listening to his leader, but this was more important to him than anyone else at the moment.

Mustering up all of the bravado he had within his soul, he sat right next to Luhan and willed himself not to scream. In a way this reminded him a lot of the first time they sat together, the awkwardness and unwillingness to speak with the other permeating the air, though now he was the first one to talk, filling in Luhan’s shoes. He was saying goodbye, closing another chapter of his life instead of ushering in anything new. “I’m sorry I fell in love with you.”

Luhan took off the hat he was wearing and seemed to admire it, all the while speaking, as if using the hat as a medium to speak with Sehun. “I could say the same thing. God, we’re really fucking stupid, aren’t we?” His smile was obviously pained, but there was nothing Sehun could do now to fix it. He could only nod along. “I’m glad that you were my first, at least. My first everything. You’re better than most people. You’re better than me.”

Sehun’s response came out automatically, some leftover instinct to comfort still ticking within his body. “I’m not. Luhan, we’re all bad at something. I guess we were both just bad at keeping this relationship together.”

“I guess that really is true.” Luhan finally chose to look at Sehun, the gesture the Sehun of yesterday would have had a heart attack at, but the familiarity and warmth that came from it was nothing but soothing, if but a little bit sad.  “Is it wrong that I still want to touch you?” Luhan raised his hand and seemed to go for his chin, that motion in of itself reminding the both of them what it used to mean. It was Luhan’s way of cheering him up, tapping him under the chin, and it was nothing less than symbolic when he didn’t actually tap him and dropped his hand.

“Not at all. We have nothing left to lose because we already lost everything.” Luhan rested his head on Sehun’s shoulder, just like old times, triggering old memories and feelings that exploded into soft aches of pain. He completed the motion when he rested his head on top of Luhan’s. “Sometime, someplace, this all worked out. It just wasn’t this time and it wasn’t this place.”

“I wish I could have heard more of your poetry.”

“Maybe another time you will.”

Both parties clearly enjoyed the other’s presence, but the sense of finality that settled over them since the start of the conversation prevented them from even thinking of patching up their relationship past a bittersweet goodbye. Their tender moment ended only when Luhan’s ride, a sleek car from some high-profile company that Sehun couldn’t remember the name of, pulled up right in front of them.

He fully expected some kind of chauffeur or a family member of Luhan’s to exit the vehicle, but to the collective surprise of everyone except Luhan, the well-dressed man who stepped out was related to Luhan and the rest of the members in an entirely different way.

When Kris stepped out, Sehun had no idea how to react since he didn’t form a specific opinion about the ex-member, far too preoccupied with his relationship’s problems to even think about him. It was clear, however, that many of the members had already made up their mind, some averting their gazes or in the case of Tao, returning to the dorm entirely. Breaking off their last bit of skinship, Sehun watched as Luhan put his hat back on and started placing his luggage in Kris’ car. “Do you need any help with that?”

Luhan opened his mouth to reply when Kris stepped in with his own response. “I got it.” Despite not showing any interest in helping a few seconds before, he picked up the biggest suitcase and loaded it in his car, purposefully making prolonged eye contact with Sehun for about three seconds before he made a move for another one.

Sehun only raised an eyebrow in response, already disliking the smirk that was plastered on Kris’ face. Due to the divide in the shooting and promotions between the two subunits, Sehun didn’t know much about EXO-M to begin with, but Kris in particular had been something of a mystery. Whether or not Kris actually wanted to help Luhan or just did so to aggravate Sehun, he didn’t know, but he couldn’t act out either way.

With Kris’ rather spirited help, the luggage was transferred in a matter of minutes. Luhan bounced over to Sehun and gave him one last hug, something Sehun returned in kind. Luhan took off the hat he was wearing and offered it to him. “This is yours.” Sehun shook his head and just put it right back on Luhan's head, a faint smile briefly gracing his face.

“Keep it.”

The full extent of the resignation only hit Sehun when Luhan got into the car. They locked eyes even as the car sped away and in that moment he wanted to do nothing more than hold out his hand and say “Don’t go”- but just like always, Luhan went straight ahead at his own pace, with or without him. The brightest star in his life was vanishing toward the distance, and even though he was burnt, he knew deep within himself that he still wanted that kind of affection. Some other place, some other time… maybe even some other person. Sehun had no way of telling, and for once, he was at peace with that.

He spent some time just sitting there on the ground, uncaring of his pants or what the other members thought of him. He was at a loss for words even in his thoughts. It felt like a few days ago, like he was experiencing his heart break again on the asphalt, and he probably was. Even though they properly parted the second time, it didn’t seem to be any better. In fact, it seemed to be worse from how long he spent just sitting there staring at the ground feeling like his heart was sinking through his chest.

Minseok practically leapt at him as soon as he returned. He gave an awkward hug that Sehun barely responded to and clamped both his hands on his shoulders, forcing him to make eyecontact.

“Are you OK?”

“It’s whatever.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Talk to me about it. Please.”

He rolled his eyes and moved Minseok’s hands off of his shoulders before going to their room, too far gone to care about the consequences. After a nice long nap he felt better about the entire thing, but he wasn’t anywhere near as functional as he usually was. Despite this he opted to continue the work SM had laid out for them the next week. It provided some kind of distraction while his ex chased his dreams elsewhere.

Having already spent almost a week doing nothing, which in the entertainment industry was akin to the span of a year, he wasn’t surprised when they ended up completing the rest of the shooting they had postponed only to be forced headlong into practice for their first solo concert. Despite the emotionally draining experience that he had gone through, just that tiny bit of reconciliation with Luhan gave him a spark when he really sat down and thought about it, as if some part of his ex’ headstrong ways rubbed off on him. Sehun had completed the transition from being just the maknae who didn’t look like a maknae to a maknae fully capable of doing things without the supervision of his hyungs.

None noticed this transition quite as clearly as Minseok did, especially once the news came out about EXO-M and EXO-K being dissolved, making them promote as one whole as EXO. Minseok, who had just been ready to ship himself off back to China with all of his belongings properly packaged, flopped onto the bed and let himself have the satisfaction of being messy. Of course, by Minseok’s standard, ‘acceptable messiness’ was making the room look exactly like it was just before he prepped to leave, much to Sehun’s amazement.

Junmyeon was the neatest out of all of the EXO-K members, but Minseok took it to the next level; there was just something fascinating about how Minseok worked that grabbed Sehun’s attention. There was a brief moment of complete silence that was only broken by noises from the outside, particularly from the communal room where they had the TV’s volume at the highest setting. It was obvious Minseok noticed Sehun’s curiosity a while ago, but only chose to address it now, when he didn’t have cleaning on his mind. “Something wrong?”

“You’re a lot like Junmyeon. At least when you clean.” Minseok’s giggle comes out as light and airy, only to be cut short when he realized that Sehun wasn’t laughing along with him. He looked at Sehun, probably trying to ascertain his seriousness, slight surprise settling over his features once he realized that Sehun was completely serious.

“Oh. How so? The only twins around were-” Sehun’s expression turned stormy in the small time period that Minseok fumbled, the topic still distressing if no longer capable of depressing him. “I mean, doesn’t Junmyeon look a lot more like Siwon?”

“That’s not what I meant. Both of you like to clean a lot.” Sehun’s smile returned quite quickly once he thought of all of the times he rebelled, especially with the help of Jongin. Of course, since protests only really worked when Jongin joined, he usually had to clean up after Jongin from time to time while he lazed around. He’d take that over being forced to clean his side of the room by Junmyeon, he just hoped that Minseok wouldn’t try to force him to clean or he’d be on the receiving end of a racket. “You packed everything up a few hours ago and now it looks like you haven’t even left.”

“Ahh, don’t bother me about it.” Minseok’s head raised only to fall back down, landing squarely on the pillow. “I’ll fix everything up later on, but for now I just want to rest.”

“You mean it’s not fixed already?”

The suddenness of the question soon had both of them blinking, actually considering the proper answer to the question. When he had finally wrapped his head around it, Minseok could do nothing but give out a sigh tinged with disappointment. “I thought you were just taking your time with your side of the room, but I guess not. You should really clean up more.”

Sehun pouted and rolled over, hoping that his body covered Minseok’s line of sight to the mound of clothes nearby despite the other having just talked about it. “It’s Jongin who’s the messiest.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you should start cleaning.”

“Now you’re really starting to sound like Junmyeon.”

Sehun was so used to the more violent reactions from the EXO-K members, especially since Luhan was prone to shouting, both he and Jongin readily organized noisy protests and Chanyeol and Baekhyun regularly butted heads rather loudly from their room, that when Minseok actually acted in a calm manner he didn't quite know how to react. “Aren’t we compared to eachother enough in this group already? I want to know what you think about me without all the comparisons.”

“You’re weird.” He took his time turning back around, chuckling at Minseok’s hurt expression. “Not like that. Let me finish. For one, your face is right in that middle between looking older and looking younger. Not like normal, I mean, the more I look at it the less I can tell. Most people are surprised when they find out you’re not the youngest, but there are some smart ones who aren’t so easily surprised. Meanwhile most people think I’m the oldest and can’t believe I’m the maknae.”

“Isn’t that a plus? If you seem older, more people will like you.”

“That would work if I didn’t have to do the most aegyo.”

“I guess that’s true. Anything else?”

Sehun’s smile widened considerably. “You like hearing about yourself?” Minseok opened his mouth to defend himself, only to close it and wave it off. “I was just kidding. You’re like Junmyeon ‘cause you clean a lot and take things too seriously-” He let out a little shriek as Minseok threw a pillow at him, jumping away from the pillow and off the bed right before it would have hit him. His face burned at Minseok’s smug expression. Scratch what he said about Minseok being the calm one. He was just as prone to throwing things as the rest of the members.

“What? I thought I already told you what I wanted.”

“Hyung, I can’t believe you did that to me.” Sehun actually felt hurt by the gesture, even if it was just a mild sting, it was huge considering Junmyeon never even threatened to do something like that. Minseok proved himself to be a more and more fascinating person as time went by.

“So  _I’m_  the one who takes things too seriously, now?”

Sehun crossed his arms as he sat down. “Fine. Just don’t throw anything else.”

“I’ll try not to, but who knows. Continue.”

“You do things that I don’t expect but actually like. You don’t like to butt into things. Basically you were the only person who made sure I didn’t have a complete and utter mental breakdown. Oh, and your abs are really good.”

Minseok raised an eyebrow. “We all have abs, Sehun. You’ve seen all of them.”

“Yours are the best in the group. They’re so well defined that I don’t even really bother with mine anymore.” He did have to admit, however, that every single member had nice abs, even Kyungsoo, who really had no reason to keep hiding his. It was just that Minseok’s happened to be on an entirely different level.

It was Minseok’s turn to blush this time around, though he was certainly unafraid of pulling up his shirt to check himself out, giving Sehun some easy eyecandy in the process. Sehun still wasn’t ready to move on to other people, but he was slowly crossing over with Minseok’s help. Sehun rationalized that this was just an objective fact and not something that meant he was willing to pursue anything further: Minseok was attractive.

After the nigh-endless days of preparation, they had finally reached the Seoul Olympic Gymnasium. Practicing at the stadium and actually performing were different in so many ways it was like stepping into an entirely new world. When they practiced the place was dull, lifeless, lit solely by what lights were needed and nothing else. They all dressed casually and there was no one to perform to other than staff who were busy rigging the place or preoccupied making sure the venue was in top condition. It was boring.

But that night was amazing in so many different ways. This was their first concert out of many and even without looking at the crowd he knew that every single seat was taken. This venue sold out in a record 1.47 seconds that both warmed his heart and saddened him. This was supposed to be a moment he shared with Luhan. No matter how he felt, though, he had to pull through for the sake of his fans, EXO, but most of all, himself. This marked the first time he performed in public without Luhan but he pulled through it despite the fans no longer cheering for EXO as it was supposed to be.

When they did step out on stage he could barely process what he was seeing despite knowing- well, exactly what he was seeing. Countless fans on all sides, all there for him and the remaining members of EXO. He focused on them instead of his broken heart and found himself sinking into the choreography and putting all of his soul into what lines he was given. The entire thing started without a hitch and ended similarly, every single thing they did cheered on loudly by their adoring fans. It was perfect.

As the group was exiting the venue he found himself praying, earnestly wishing for whatever divine being there was above to grant the group further success, but more importantly, for the same fortune to come to Luhan and Kris.

There was something of a centralized emotional epiphany that had taken place within him. He had partially reverted back to the trainee he was just as he had feared, but he traded the ease he found with expressing his emotions for an ease of understanding; the experiences he had with his ex changed his entire attitude not once, but twice.

He was sad that he couldn’t properly smile or express himself to the fans as he used to, but he was certain that he would be able to do so again when his heart let go of Luhan.

For now, he had to recover, and if Minseok happened to be the right person for him, surely there was no harm in pursuing that.


	4. Thinking about myself on stage

Luhan thought of himself as someone who could read other people quite easily. It wasn’t the nicest of talents, but it sure came in handy whenever he had to deal with other people. Sehun was incredibly easy to read since he usually went along with whatever Luhan wanted. That was, of course, until that huge disagreement and meltdown, but his confidence in his abilities weren’t that shaken. Despite his skill, though, he couldn’t tell what Yifan was thinking throughout the entire trip to China.

He cracked jokes, talked about what they were going to do from then on without EXO, stayed silent, but Yifan’s face never changed from that one stoic look. He knew Yifan could be expressive from the way he mugged for the cameras during shooting. He could do concerned, protective and he knew that the guy could get angry, but here was the same person sitting in front of him at the airport with a _bored_ expression. It was kind of mind-boggling how he could possibly look that way when Luhan found himself freaking out about basically everything that was going on.

That all changed when they got to his house, however. He didn’t notice the change at first simply because he was in awe of this huge, gorgeous building that was apparently owned entirely by Yifan. It wasn’t exactly a work from Frank Lloyd Wright and it certainly wasn’t anything close to Fallingwater, but it was beautiful in that it at least tried to combine aspects of modernity with nature. One could easily tell that the house itself was inspired by cubism, odd angles, impromptu shapes, but always keeping that same pattern, consistent in its inconsistency. Architecture wasn’t his strong suit, but he did like it enough to read a little about it. In direct contrast to the house was the garden, which would have been run-of-the-mill in its design had it not housed some exotic flowers that he couldn’t even recognize or name. The entire thing stood out against every single other property around, even those that housed people with the same kind of budget. Yifan talked about getting a house before, but Luhan never really thought about seeing it before. He never really had a concrete idea about what to use his money for while Yifan had a clear goal that he already attained. Maybe that’s what he needed in his life. A set goal and some guidance from a dear friend.

The artistic influence stretched into the house’s interior, if not necessarily the furniture. He had no idea if the furniture not matching was Yifan’s idea or not, but knowing him, it could easily be either. Regardless, he was happy that he didn’t have to deal with any weird arrangements. They wasted no time unpacking, Yifan lugging up all of the heavy bags despite Luhan’s objections. Alright, well half-hearted objections. It probably would have taken him hours to take those bags up by himself, if not because he was weak, it would definitely be because he was too lazy. He followed closely behind, carrying up the much lighter bags, unable to stop himself from looking at the details on the walls until they actually got to the room. There was only one bed, and it was clear from Yifan’s belongings all around that this was his room. Maybe he got the wrong room? To his shock, he tucked his bags into the corner of the room. Alright, so this definitely wasn’t a mistake. “A-Are you sure that there isn’t a spare room or something? I don’t want to bother you or anything. I’m already bothering you by staying over, really…”

“You’re not bothering me at all. Wouldn’t have invited you over if I thought you’d be a nuisance.” Luhan didn’t exactly buy into the whole idea, especially since Yifan didn’t actually answer his question about the spare room, but he didn’t want to run the risk of being kicked out because he demanded another room or did something equally rude. He hummed and tried to be more casual as soon as he realized he looked really stiff, the idea eventually pushing him to throw the bags over to where the rest of the luggage lay. He only took a second to glance at where they landed before giving Yifan a cheeky smile, a gesture his host reciprocated.

“When most people say make yourself at home it’s a formality, but I mean it literally when it applies to you.” For one reason or another, probably to prove his point by Luhan’s assumption, he ran a hand through his hair, messing up the perfect styling. The strange gesture did succeed in making Luhan laugh, a point he had to concede.

“Aren’t your stylists going to be mad if they find out you mess up your hair so easily?”

“I’m not going to be doing this in front of the cameras, so what’s the point of even asking?”

Luhan wagged his finger, giggling at himself for even going that far for his joke. “It’s principle. How are you going to refrain from touching your hair if you start doing it around me?”

“Implying that I’ll just start messing up my hair every time I see you. It’s not that big of a deal. You do it all of the time!”

“It’s because the hairstyle I’m going with right now is messy, so it doesn’t matter if I touch it. The stylists won’t be mad if it looks good in a different way.”

“What happened to principle? Since you’re so sure of yourself you won’t mind me touching your hair, right?”

“That’s just a challenge! I don’t mind at all.”

Luhan only half-expected Yifan to actually follow through, so when he saw him approach his eyes widened, but he soon shut his eyes and bit down on his lip in preparation. He could hear the slight thump of footsteps and the dead silence that followed once Yifan was right in front of him. The seconds stretched into minutes, each one that passed causing Luhan’s heart rate to rise. It took him about a minute before he got frustrated and opened up his eyes only to see Yifan with his hands in his pockets and a mocking smile aimed right at him.

“Oi, you can’t just tell a guy you’re going to touch his hair and then back out.”

“I didn’t actually say I was going to touch your hair, and even then, who said I backed out?”

“Well it sure looks-“

Luhan yelped as he felt Yifan’s heavy palm land on top of his head and began to ruffle his hair, his hands flying up on instinct to try to stop him, only to drop in order to maintain the truth of his words. He balled his hands into fists to prevent them from reaching up again, all the while weathering the storm that was happening up top. When the attack on his hair finally subsided, he breathed a sigh of relief and brushed the hairs that had fallen over his eyes at least somewhat back into place. It didn’t take him long to realize that Yifan was staring.

“What? Did you not mess it up enough, or was I right?”

“I have to say, you were right.” Pride swelled in Luhan’s chest just from Yifan’s admission, even if it was about something as silly as looking good with what was basically bed hair. “You still look cute. Styles like that won’t work for me, though.”

“Well, you win some and you lose some.”

The moment was interrupted by a cellphone ringing, swiftly picked up by Yifan with a grace that only came from practice. It seemed like he had a lot of opportunity to practice now that he had acting on his mind. Watching the urgency with which Yifan answered, as well, reminded Luhan that he would probably have to get used to doing the very same.

The full extent of Luhan’s nervousness kicked in when, several minutes later, his name was being thrown around. He not-so-subtly inched closer, the obvious action temporarily softening Yifan’s features into a smile before they harden again, right back to business matters. Luhan had barely started picking up on the details of the conversation, standing next to Yifan at that point, when the call ended and the phone was slipped smoothly back into the pocket.

“Mind telling me what you were talking about… and to begin with, who you were talking to?”

“Great news. I think I’ve landed you a role.” Luhan was dumbfounded at the speed, but he was nonetheless overjoyed even if he couldn’t say anything. “It’s called ’20 Once Again’. You might remember Miss Granny, popular movie that came out near the beginning of the year. You’re going to be auditioning for the Chinese remake. Same plot device, but distinct and different plot. Sound good?”

He took a deep breath. “I’m just amazed that you found something that would see me at all, really.”

“Luhan, stop selling yourself short. If we’re going to succeed we both have to put our best foot forward and start off strong. We’re entering a new industry.”

At Yifan’s insistent prodding, a few days later Luhan went to the audition with the utmost confidence, impressing those who were still critical of him even past the interest people had in him due to his recent departure from EXO. In a way it wasn’t very much different compared to performing on a stage, aside from the whole lack of dancing and singing. He had years of experience pretending like the man he loved was only a close friend, so what more was pretending like an actress was his one and only love, or pretending he was a spoiled grandson?

Having landed the role, Luhan only had to wait for the rest of the cast to be filled and once that was accomplished he quickly got into the hectic schedule of filming. It was fulfilling work, something he could pour all his effort into and let him forget about the ‘family’ he left behind. The only thing that ruined the experience for him was overhearing some of the people working on the movie with him gossiping behind his back about the departure from EXO. As much as it peeved him, he had to move on.

He and Yifan settled into this comfortable routine since they both had schedules that tended to be more or less the same given the relative lack of urgency during this phase of shooting. The monotony of waking up with Yifan, parting after breakfast and joining together once again for dinner was broken up when, at the start of their usual dinner routine, Yifan broke some very important news to him.

“Tomorrow, 7 AM, we’re going to appear on an interview show.” Luhan could feel his face contorting, but before it could settle Yifan spoke, defusing the situation before it even started. “We’re not going to be talking about anything related to EXO, or SM for that matter.”

Yifan neglected to fill him in on the details of the show they were supposed to go on, so Luhan took it upon himself to look it up on the Internet. The show that they were scheduled to appear in was ‘Tokki Talk’, hosted by a peculiar person called Q-Rabbit, a newcomer to the entertainment industry who snuck his way into the J-Pop scene by appearing as a dancer for more popular acts, his one stipulation being that he could wear a mask the entire time.

People gradually started noticing the masked dancer and his name steadily gained traction until he released a single titled ‘Queen of Hearts’ that charted and skyrocketed his popularity. Seen as a promising upstart, it was widely rumored with his frequent visits to both Korea and China that he was joining a group or signing with a company, some excited netizens thinking SM and, even farther than that, EXO, which was a funny thought.

Instead he established Tokki Talk, its main studio in China and even some recording spots in Korea and Japan, which quickly became infamous for interviewing idols or other entertainment figures who have recently been in the spotlight for controversy without addressing or even acknowledging the event that had just taken place. Luhan had to admit, it was a brilliant idea even if it didn’t seem so at the beginning. That way the show thrived on controversy without itself being controversial, and allowed Q-Rabbit to meet and speak with guests who would have otherwise never appeared on the show in the first place.

Of course, reading about it in the safety of Yifan’s home felt completely different compared to when he and Yifan actually got there at the studio. It was definitely more elaborate than most sets, numerous bamboo props in the background and stylistic red seats in the foreground, which made Luhan wonder how much creative control the odd host had with the set design. He hadn’t read much about what happened during the show aside from the interviews, but with how it looked it didn’t exactly seem like a variety show like Weekly Idol. He wouldn’t mind if it was just the interview, though, especially since it would be conducted in his native language.

Q-Rabbit was an oddball, but he could see why people would be attracted to him. From what Luhan could tell, Q-Rabbit’s entire concept revolved around contrast. He was fair to the point of being pale, had shocking white hair (something Luhan himself had already done) and blue eyes that Luhan half-suspected were due to contacts, with how rich they looked. Despite his mask, he could still be heard clearly, probably from some speaker nearby connected to a microphone inside the mask. His voice had this squeak that reminded him of Sehun and to a lesser extent Yixing, but was consistently light and airy to the point of being whimsical. His outfit, however, was all black, tight-fitting, in some places skin revealing, the only other color being a red cross on the black medical mask that hid his nose and mouth.

He didn’t have much more time to ogle, though, because soon enough Yifan was called over, to Q’s excited clapping. He was sure that they’d add on more applause during the broadcast, but the soft tapping that came from just one pair of hands was always hilarious to him. Without much preamble afterward, he was called over as well, camera smile automatically switching on, though it was shakier than usual. This was the first time he’d appear on television since the split with EXO, after all. At first he thought he sat a little bit too close to Yifan, but Yifan’s hand on his back stopped him from inching away.

Q was openly staring at the point of contact between them, continuing wordlessly even when Yifan took his hand away. Luhan blinked and wondered what Q was up to when the silent host burst into speech, now looking at the camera as if he hadn’t completely paused the shooting. A quick glance at the film crew confirmed that this kind of behavior was apparently commonplace, but he had to focus on what was being said now that mistimed words could actually affect his career.

“Now that our lovely guests are here, there’s one important question that is on everyone’s minds.” Luhan’s distress flashed on his face for a second, replaced by confusion at Yifan’s calm. Surely there was only one question he could be referring to. “Of course, it’s been weighing on everyone’s minds as soon as we came together! Who’s cuter, me or Luhan?”

Luhan opened his mouth to protest the violation of the terms of their appearance, only to leave it hanging open once he realized the topic was completely different. Yifan swooped in to save him from the awkwardness however, giving a small chuckle and patting him on the back. “He doesn’t know whether to give the win to you out of politeness or to snatch the victory for himself.” He started addressing Luhan again. “Don’t worry so much. I’m sure you’re going to win. In fact- I’m voting for Luhan.”

“It’s nice to see that you’re familiar with how this show works, but that’s so unfair.” The black-clad boy crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat childishly, drastically changing Luhan’s attitude. Even if the set looked different and the host happened to be odd, it wasn’t very much different from common variety shows that had idols. “Ah, I only just lost to VIXX’ Hongbin, can’t you give me a break? I guess we can at least put up a good fight, Wonderlanders.”

“Let’s move on to the next segment before we get too distracted! Now, anybody who’s been following Kris properly knows that he’s already landed a role in the upcoming film ‘Somewhere Only We Know’. We look forward to your entry into the film industry. What can we expect from you in this movie?”

“I’m going to be playing Peng Zeyang, the male lead.” Luhan nodded along even though he had completely tuned out Yifan’s actual words. It was fascinating how excited Yifan got about acting, even if Luhan didn’t really care to listen to who he was actually supposed to be playing. Yifan’s eyes lit up in a way that he hadn’t seen in years, that spark that used to be present in EXO now transferred in its entirety to acting. Luhan hadn’t made the transition yet, but he expected to do so soon since he obviously had a talent for acting. He just had to look up to Yifan to guide him for now.

“And there you have it, folks. Be sure to support Kris and the rest of the cast in ‘Somewhere Only We Know’. Moving on!” Q leaned over, putting his elbows just before his knees, resting his head on his hands, blue-eyed gaze focused solely on Luhan now. “Luhan has been following in the steps of his hyung, since it seems like he’s been cast for a movie. He’s been much more secretive about it, so we might just be able to get something more out of him here on Tokki Talk!”

“I can’t say or promise that much because we’re still shooting, but I’ll at least guarantee it’s something worth seeing. Even though it’s a remake of Miss Granny, it has a wonderful script and goes in a very different direction.” He took the time to expand on what he was allowed to, which honestly wasn’t that much, but he nonetheless stretched it out to make for a decent promotion. Just as he was ending he had an idea. He gulped, but pressed on despite his uncertainty. “Despite the difficulty, I still want to work on music.” He could notice the bemused, slightly condescending raise of an eyebrow from Yifan, but he didn’t have time to care with the cameras rolling. “I’m working on an album, in fact. It doesn’t have a name yet, but I have a few ideas for it.” Something along the lines of starting anew, probably not something as in-your-face as ‘Rebirth’, but definitely similar. “It’ll probably come out sometime this year.”

“Luhan, ever ambitious. We look forward to seeing the film  _and_  listening to the album.” Q sat upright once more and clapped twice. “We’re nearing the end of our time, so we’re moving on to our final segment. We’re going to spin our Wheel Wishlist!” At that prompt, a studiohand brought in the wheel and Q actually jumped out of his seat with practiced poise, landing right next to the wheel and presenting it dramatically with his hands. “Come on over.”

Once both of them got to the other side of the wheel, Q started up again. “Everybody’s favorite segment has finally returned! Since we haven’t done it in a while and I’m sure neither of our guests knows about it, I’ll explain again.” The wheel itself was divided into sections, each with a different color, and Q tapped on the section nearest to him, which also happened to have a red arrow pointing to it. “As you can see, each section is blank. Hidden behind a sheet on each section is the name of an idol that viewers have been asking for but haven’t appeared on the show just yet. In fact, both of you were chosen last season!” Tokki Talk must not have been popular back then, since Luhan had no idea he was even mentioned on the show.

“We’ll have Kris and Luhan each spin once, and hopefully, just hopefully, the people they choose will come on to our show. No promises, dears, but it’s fun to imagine. After all, it only took a season for these two to come along. Now then, let’s have Kris spin the wheel first.”

Yifan took the time to ham it up, pulling up the sleeves of his shirt slightly before really putting his weight into the spin. The wheel revolved several times, much to Q’s amazement if his oohing were to be taken into account, before finally stopping on the bright yellow section. Q was smiling even before he unveiled the answer, but nonetheless cheered once he peeled the sheet off. “Red Velvet’s Seulgi!”

“Despite having debuted just one month earlier, Red Velvet has captured the hearts of fans as the first SM girl group since f(x) with their cheerful single ‘Happiness’. Seulgi, the lead singer and main dancer has been an instant hit especially with Wonderlanders and has been the most requested Red Velvet member. Let’s all hope within our hearts that Seulgi comes along!”

“Now it’s all up to Luhan to make the next wish on our list. Who might Seulgi be meeting on a future episode of Tokki Talk? Let’s see.” Luhan took that as the cue to spin, though his was considerably weaker than Yifan’s. After all, the outcome of this didn’t really affect him. He watched as the colors that spanned the wheel bled together in his vision before becoming distinct again.

The arrow pointed to the teal section, which temporarily piqued Luhan’s interest. Surely there was some sort of color coding or another, even if it was chosen by someone as odd as Q? As Q peeled back the sheet and the letters were revealed, he could swear his heart stopped for a second. Q had no such reservations and yelled out the name as loudly as he did for Seulgi’s. “EXO’s Sehun!”

“EXO’s maknae, lead dancer and rapper Sehun has consistently been one of our top ranked requests and has been wished for a record of four times. Will the 2 year veteran maknae have words of advice for the rookie dancing star? Well, that depends on how nicely fate treats us. Let’s give one more round of applause to our guests Kris and Luhan!” The soft clapping that came from Q this time was more ominous than hilarious this time around, especially since he had to hide his distress for the camera while Q seemed to be genuinely happy.

As he walked away, he could only imagine Sehun watching the broadcast and appearing on the very same show even if it was just as likely that Sehun wouldn’t even bother watching. As much as he wanted to say it was rigged, he himself had spun the wheel. Life just had a way of screwing him over, didn’t it? Q’s words rung out behind him, the joyous voice a direct opposite to Luhan’s worried thoughts.

“This has been Tokki Talk with your host Q-Rabbit, bit-bit, bye bye!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Q-Rabbit and Tokki Talk, i.e. plot devices.  
> Since the setting of the majority of these chapters makes sure that a direct meeting between Sehun and Luhan would be either impossible or impossibly convenient, I thought I'd have indirect interaction through shows. Since no one variety or interview show gave the freedom to write them as I wanted, I just made up my own. Now that Luhan's been established as an actor the pace will finally slow down and I can get right down into description, which I know I've been lacking. Interactions with other bands will ensue, most likely at shows like Inkigayo or through Tokki Talk.


	5. I want to live and breathe

At any moment Sehun could have chosen to text or call Luhan since he still had his number, but it just felt wrong to do something like that. It was a horrible feeling to be trapped between the curiosity of wanting to know how Luhan was doing personally and the obligation he felt to let go, to not be so clingy toward his ex. Of course, he settled for the middle ground. Luhan’s surprise appearance on Kris’ scheduled episode made the Internet explode before the broadcast had even stopped.

Due to the timing of the broadcast, however, he couldn’t catch it in time since the breakneck pace of the concert dates left him with nearly no free time to himself. It was only after the two days at Impact Arena at Thailand that he gained a 6 day rest period, which was more than enough for him. Completely impatient, he didn’t even try to wait for a rerun, instead streaming directly from the first site he found.

Sehun breathed a sigh of relief when Kris and Luhan had not only managed to survive, but have already entered the film industry, something Sehun himself hadn’t really thought about. Luhan had asked him about it, but he didn’t really have a solid opinion on whether or not he could act. Most of the other members had other agendas which could be put into place after EXO disbanded, but Sehun couldn’t really picture himself doing anything other than being an idol.

He resolved to ask Kyungsoo about it since his film ‘Cart’ just premiered, but any thoughts of acting were soon pushed out of his head once the Wheel Wishlist appeared. It was an amusing little contraption and, despite having seen the show simply for Luhan’s sake, he caught himself actually excited to know who could potentially be offered to go on.

He smiled a little at the mention of Red Velvet; he didn’t really know the group or their members because they had only just debuted, but he was glad that members of the SM family were being recognized as early as this. Girls’ Generation, SHINee, Super Junior- all of them were incredibly hard acts to follow, but now EXO out classed all of their seniors except SNSD. Their power concept acted as a crutch for them back then, but from what he knew of the new girl group they didn’t have something like that to hold them up. Whatever they were doing, they were doing it right, though. He wasn’t at all ashamed to say that he listened to Happiness a good few more times more than he would have if it were just a passing interest.

He noticed the door opening behind him and he looked over to see Minseok as usual, only to have his attention grabbed by the broadcast again as he heard his own name. He was glad that Minseok took interest, or he’d just stare at the screen in shock, baffled that his name was chosen out of all of those that were on the wheel.

“What are you watching?” As much as he liked Minseok’s concern for him, he started to get annoyed whenever he danced around the topic of Luhan and made the conversation awkward, since he now thought about and mentioned Luhan openly now. He was glad that he already spoke to Minseok about it and told him to act like Luhan hadn’t hurt him, which, in the long run had been true, at least in Sehun’s eyes. “I haven’t seen that program before. Yifan and Luhan must be doing well for themselves if they’ve already gotten themselves on a show.”

“Yeah, they’re both in the process of filming. I’m not really bothered by that, though. It just so happens that I ended up on the Wheel Wishlist.” He laughed at Minseok’s silence and confused expression. “People spin the wheel and whoever they land on will hopefully appear on the show.”

“Well? Are you going?”

“What, actually appear on the show? What would I even have to talk about? I mean, Seulgi probably has a lot to gain from appearing, but…”

“Then appear with her and make sure people stay interested.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go there instead? You look like you want to take my place.”

“Sehun, don’t try to change the topic. I think it’d be good for you if you did something odd like this once in a while. It’ll be a great way for people who still want to or haven’t gotten to see us yet to get something while we’re touring.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Turns out Sehun didn’t have that much time to think about it, because only three days later representatives from SM apparently caught wind of his interest and actually offered him the opportunity to appear on the show. Sehun had no real reason to decline, seeing how he was already more than halfway through the tour and had enough practice to last a lifetime.

He initially thought it was SM’s way of promoting him, sort of like a consolation for the fact that he got next to no lines, up until the point when he realized where the Tokki Talk studio was actually located. He knew that if the studio was situated anywhere other than Beijing, where their next concert date would be held, he would have never even heard of the offer if he didn’t watch the show himself. Of course, he still accepted the opportunity even if it wasn’t as exciting as it could have been.

After the two dates at the Mastercard Center, he was escorted to the studio where he was immediately greeted by Seulgi, who happened to be there already. Sehun instantly had good impressions of the rookie, mostly because she reminded him of himself in many respects. Oftentimes people from different groups were chosen based off of their chemistry, but aside from the possible rigging on part of Q-Rabbit, as far as he knew, this was all by random chance.

Seulgi was incredibly pretty, checking all of the conventional standards such as having smooth and fair skin and having a good form, but went above and beyond that, something about her nose and eyes distinguishing her from a lot of other idols. He had to commend SM for their creative use of hair color, since Seulgi’s orange-yellow tips against her naturally chocolate brown hair looked absolutely gorgeous. She was dressed tastefully, navy blue top and black pants that exuded easy casualness. If Sehun were straight, he’d definitely have a crush on her, but as it were he really just wanted to be friends. It was funny how he knew fans would think he was romantically involved with her if he were to have an open friendship, but these same fans weren’t able to spot his relationship with Luhan.

Despite their relatively short time together before the filming, he already found out that they were the same age, 22, they were both on the dance line for their respective groups, and they had the same personality; somewhat shy at first, but got more lively around friends. By the time they were called to the side of the set and Q-Rabbit started addressing the cameras, Sehun was looking forward to interacting with Seulgi even more.

Unlike the episode with Kris and Luhan, Sehun could spot two distinctly separate seats. Apparently the set was more mobile than it looked, or everything was intended to be mobile and the design just hid that fact quite well. Sehun was the first to be called out, leisurely making his way to his seat with the back track of Q’s applause. Once Q settled down, he leaned over just as he did with Luhan and stared at him earnestly.

“Sehun, you’ve been very busy, haven’t you?”

Since he was expecting some kind of comparison between him and Q, Sehun was as caught off guard as Luhan seemed to be. He couldn’t help but laugh at himself for managing to fumble at the first and easiest question. “Yes, it’s definitely been some hard work. I guess the only thing that really keeps me going is making sure that every single EXO-L is given all that I can give. If that makes sense.”

“Of course it does.” Q frantically waved off his last remark. “I’m sure every single EXO-L appreciates your effort. I haven’t had the chance to go on tour yet, but don’t fret Wonderlanders, I don’t disappoint my fans for long!” He put a single finger over his masked mouth and winked at the cameras. Q was like an even more dramatic Jongin, something Sehun thought he’d never see.

“Now our next guest is part of the newest SM girl group that’s managed to identify itself as a worthy successor with the hit track ‘Happiness’, the lead vocalist and main dancer of Red Velvet- Seulgi!”

Seulgi’s steps were much more distinct and purposeful than his and she found her seat in less than half the time. “I’m honored to be here with both of you.” It was obvious that Seulgi was nervous, but considering this was her first time on a show like this, especially being the least experienced, he couldn’t blame her. He didn’t exactly know how to communicate his sentiments to her, but he didn’t have to since Q wasn’t anywhere near a strict host.

“It’s  _my_  honor. I have to admit, I didn’t expect both of you on here so soon. This is the first time in the history of Tokki Talk that the people we wished for came on for the very next episode!” Both Sehun and Seulgi nodded along, the same general amazement present on their faces, so identical that Q couldn’t help but giggle. “Now then, what kind of advice could one of the biggest stars of SM give to a rising one?  Well, let’s start with what’s common. You’re both the same age, isn’t that right?”

Sehun nodded and began to take some pressure off of Seulgi. “22 years old, both of us, but the difference is that she’s not her group’s maknae. I don’t know if it’s really a trend or not, but differences in age are bigger in boy groups, I think.”

“I think it’s because you can see the difference in age between girls a lot more clearly than in boy groups.” Sehun’s efforts to ease Seulgi in seem to have paid off, since she jumped in without much hesitation. “Age gets blurred within groups because there’s such a thing as sunbaes and hoobaes. Sehun is my sunbae, but since we’re the same age I don’t feel as pressured to speak politely. Now that I think about it, they don’t choose people to do aegyo based off of age that much anymore, they go with anyone they find cute.”

“Did somebody say aegyo?” Sehun froze in place, Q’s usual gaze now looking more like a leer as he looked between them. Sehun hid his face with his hands preemptively and leaned back into his chair, a feeling of despair washing over him. Seulgi seemed concerned and leaned over, uttering a small ‘Are you okay?’ when she did so. He nodded, but refused to take his hands off of his face.

“Seems like Sehun knows what I’m going to ask him to do, but I’m afraid he’ll have to do it. Since you mentioned aegyo, Seulgi, we’ll have both of you perform it for us.”

“Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t think mentioning it would do this.” She patted Sehun’s back kindly and he slowly moved his hands away from his face, breathing a deep sigh as he was once again subjected to the toils of aegyo. He had a few precious moments of reprieve when Seulgi stepped up to the plate, this time going first to save her sunbae. “I’ll go first, I’ll go first.”

Sehun, despite his nervousness, resolved to watch Seulgi for inspiration. He watched as she pushed her fingers into the corners of her mouth and looked right at him. Once her mouth was in the correct shape, she pitched up her voice and began. “Oppa, can you write me a song?” She shook her shoulders and leaned closer to him, putting two fingers on her head. “You know I like ballads, so make it slow for me.” As Q and Sehun stared at her, unsure if she was finished, she slowly lowered her head out of embarrassment. As soon as she did so, Q clapped excitedly while Sehun covered his face again, almost violently flinging himself in the other direction to escape the second hand embarrassment.

“Seulgi comes out swinging with a strong aegyo.” Sehun honestly couldn’t believe how Q could watch all of that without looking away. In fact, most hosts were capable of doing that. Maybe they saw so much that they got numb? “You’re lucky this wasn’t a competition, Sehun, or you’d have a hard time beating that. Please give us your best aegyo!”

Sehun took the time to adjust his fringe and lick his lips before he began. In the end he did something short and sweet but no less painful, balling up his hands into fists and shaking his wrists in front of his cheeks while giving his best puppy eyes. Immediately after doing so, he got up and off of his seat and took a few steps to the back of the stage, glimpsing Seulgi’s grin as he did so. Once he had himself back under control, he returned to his seat.

“A wonderful aegyo delivered by EXO’s maknae. Maybe next time you’ll see my own attempt, but we don’t have enough time in the episode for that! Moving on, Sehun and Seulgi are both amazing dancers, even going by SM family’s standards. What you just saw may not have been a competition, but this one sure is. Welcome to the next segment, Danseur et Danseuse! A battle between the dance machines of EXO and Red Velvet!” There was something like a gleam in Seulgi’s eyes that Sehun was wary of. “Sehun and Seulgi must each choose a song. Both contestants dance to each song and at the end, a winner is chosen based off the two rounds.”

“I pick Growl!” Sehun was momentarily taken aback with how certain Seulgi seemed and how loudly she announced her choice. When she issued a look of challenge to him, he crossed his arms and considered his prospects. He could probably give himself the win simply by picking another EXO song, but that would be playing dirty.

“I guess it’s only fair that I pick Happiness.” He brushed imaginary dust off of his pants and stood up, the competitive tension between him and Seulgi only building as the two looked at eachother. “May the best dancer win.”

“Since Seulgi picked first, we’re going with Growl. Good luck, both of you!”

Sehun slipped into the dance as easily as ever, countless hours poured into practicing even before he danced it over and over again in front of his fans. The pre-chorus posed no challenge to him and soon enough he was jumping right into the chorus. He could swear he had this in the bag, but his heart sank when he looked over at Seulgi and saw her keeping up, dancing with the same grace that he had, as if she were the secret female member of EXO. By the time the clip ended, he knew he was screwed.

“Moving on to Happiness!”

Seulgi was the very picture of happiness, no longer even looking at Sehun to gauge the competition, since both dancers knew who already won. Even though the steps were easy, since Sehun didn’t know them, he could only try to follow Seulgi’s performance and, just as he was getting a hang of it, the clip ended. He shook his head and slumped into his seat, unable to come to terms with the fact that he lost.

Utterly triumphant, the Red Velvet dancer took her seat as well. “That’s something I haven’t been able to show off before this. One of my talents is doing boy group dances. The best ones I can do are SHINee’s Sherlock and EXO’s Growl.”

“That explains it now. I guess part of this competition was thinking it through properly.” Sehun could already picture the reactions of the other members when they saw this, which made him cringe. Most of them would move on sooner or later with the amount of ridiculous things that happened daily among all of them, but he knew a few that would never let him live this down. “You’ll do great if you keep this kind of passion up.”

“At dancing boy group choreos, or in general?”

“Both.”

They all shared a hearty laugh before Q had to quiet them down, since they were very close to using up all of their available filming time. Q moved right on to the Wheel Wishlist, introducing and explaining the rules again, though this time instead of individual idols hidden behind sheets entire groups were called for. To remove a bit of ambiguity, Q removed two sheets preemptively, revealing EXO and Red Velvet as possible choices. He made then both swear that they’d get their groups to go on sooner or later if their group was chosen.

Thankfully neither of them had to do anything like that, since Seulgi’s spin landed on BTS and Sehun’s spin landed on MAMAMOO. As he and Seulgi left the set, Seulgi seemed to tug on the edge of her sleeves, only speaking her mind once they were about to leave. “Is it OK if we keep in touch?”

“Of course it is. I know how hard it can be when you first debut, so feel free to text me whenever you need.” He casually wrote down his number on a spare piece of paper he had on him and handed it off to Seulgi, who bowed in thanks. He left the studio with the biggest smile he had in a while. It felt good to be able to make new friends without relying on anybody but himself.

When Sehun returned to the dorm, he unceremoniously flopped onto his bed and closed his eyes, muttering a small “Hello” to Minseok who happened to be reading a book. Minseok, as always, asked about his day, but Sehun felt too tired to answer properly, which only meant his roommate got even more curious.

“How was Seulgi? Or did she not appear and you got disappointed? Is that the reason why you aren’t telling me?” Despite what he said, Minseok meant no malice or further implication, genuinely curious about the answers to his questions. “Did you enjoy the filming, at least?”

“I actually really liked filming. You know, I’ve been thinking of getting into acting. Kyungsoo told me about it… and, well, I was thinking of moving on to either television or cinema after all of this. But let’s not talk about all of that. What happened on-set? Oh yeah. Minseok, promise me you won’t judge me.”

Sehun sat up and opened his eyes in time to see Minseok roll his. “Fine, I won’t judge you. I thought that would’ve been understood from the beginning, but I guess not.”

“Everybody judges things at least a little. And you judge your friends the most no matter who you are.”

“Just tell me what happened already.”

“Alright. So… Seulgi did actually show up. I like her a lot. I actually got her number-”

“Sehun, why would I judge you for having a crush on someone like Seulgi?”

“That’s not what I wanted to tell you!” Sehun let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m not interested in her as anything other than a friend, because in the first place I’m not interested in… you know. I might be interested in somebody, but that’s not the point right now. I’ll tell you about that later.”

“Understood. Sorry for going in the complete wrong direction.”

“Again, not the point. Anyway. We had a dancing competition, she chose Growl, I chose Happiness… and she won. Apparently she learnt Growl as seriously as she did her own choreo. I was thinking of picking Mama or History but I thought I’d give her a chance by picking Happiness. She was the one who was giving me a chance…” He hung his head low, like his memories were weighing down on his head.

“I wouldn’t have judged you for that anyway!” Minseok sat next to him and put his arm around his shoulders, rubbing the other side with his hand. “I’m sure if I were in your situation I would’ve done the same thing. How were you supposed to know she could follow Growl?”

“Hyung, I like you and all, but that honestly didn’t make me feel any better.”

Minseok retracted his arm and stood up, stretching out both arms to the side this time around. “Do you want a hug?”

“Normally I would say yes sarcastically but I think a hug might actually help this time so…” He stood up as well and embraced Minseok, which actually turned out to be pleasant, which meant he held the hug a lot longer than he probably should have.

“Hey, you two, Junmyeon wants to-” Jongin chose that moment to appear in the doorway, locking eyes with Sehun for a brief uncomfortable moment. “Uh, right. Just come downstairs.”

Jongin turned to leave, but neither Sehun nor Minseok made any move to clarify or explain. They just broke off after Jongin was long gone, and gave eachother uncertain glances before heading off to find Junmyeon. It was clear that something had changed between them, though he wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to pursue something. He had no idea if Minseok was even actually interested in him- it was still a mystery if Chanyeol and Baekhyun were together despite their closeness. If  _their_  relationship wasn’t clear then how could he possibly figure his own out? Well...

One look at Minseok made up his mind. Minseok had a timidity that ensured that he would not be the one to make the first move and Sehun couldn’t go through that period of uncertainty again, that period of suffering when he wasn’t sure his partner would reciprocate. Even though he wasn’t as certain this was love, he was going to get an answer quickly and simply so his heart wouldn’t be trampled again. He'll figure their relationship out by asking.

If it was rushing into things, he didn’t care. The sooner he found a relationship, the sooner he could sort his feelings out properly. And the easiest person to do it with would be Minseok, the only person who really understood what he was going through. He just hoped he didn’t have to break Minseok’s heart in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blazingly fast update, I know. Upload schedule would probably be erratic tending on the fast side since I'm on semester break, but once school starts again I'll have to slow down. At least we're heading into proper Xiuhun territory.
> 
> EDIT: Went through the entire thing and corrected a few errors and inconsistencies, most notably both Seulgi and Kai referring to Sehun as hyung. Definitely a sign I need to slow down.


	6. I'll promise you, I won't disappoint you

As the year drew to the close and shooting schedules became more demanding, Luhan and Yifan saw eachother less and less. Because he poured more and more hours both into the shooting and to writing music, he redeveloped the habit of being awake at ungodly hours of the morning, though Yifan wasn’t around to share his tiredness or opinions this time around.

On this particular night the moon was in full view and Luhan found himself watching it through a screen door while seated on the kitchen counter. The only sounds that accompanied him were the low hum of the refrigerator and the ever-incessant ticking of the clock. A quick glance told him that it was around 1 AM, which explained the disconnect he felt with his body as he looked at his hands and fingers. Nights like these were dangerous because this was when he was most vulnerable, when he let down his headstrong façade and actually let himself feel things.

That’s why he was so easily swayed when Yifan made his case about leaving the company. A wave of guilt washed over him when he realized that only Yifan had seen him like this; Sehun had always seen the impervious and rash side that never took no for an answer. Tears pricked his eyes as he recalled one exception, that one time he stopped his protective act with Sehun and talked to him not as his condescending guardian, but as an equal, and that was when they were saying goodbye.

Sometimes he pitied his ex because of his volatility toward his emotions, exploding brilliantly during the event and settling down soon after, but in reality Sehun was the lucky one.  Luhan had to deal with his emotions alone, sitting on a kitchen counter after midnight without anyone to help or encourage him. He looked up and tapped the areas just below his eyes lightly with his fingertips, trying to deter the flow of tears, but they trickled down his face anyway, much to his frustration.

His hands patted his pants frantically, feeling for his phone within them. He plunged his right hand into the pocket and retrieved it, hands already shaking. He nearly threw his phone to ground in frustration when he kept entering the wrong password, but thought better of it as he roughly wiped his face with his sleeve and actually focused on the keys. Once he unlocked it, he went straight for the contacts and scrolled toward Sehun’s number. He took one shuddering breath as his finger hovered over the icon, staring at Sehun’s contact picture. Sehun was always handsome, but that image that used to look at him so lovingly now seemed to glare at him, judging him for every mistake he made. In the end he couldn’t do it. Sehun was probably happy without him. He couldn’t go back, not now.

Of course the very next person he thought to call was Yifan, but he had so gotten the idea that he was a horrible person into his head that he didn’t even try. He was already staying at Yifan’s house, how could he expect to burden him with something that he should’ve gotten over months ago?

Feeling in the mood for self-punishment, he moved away from the kitchen, leaving his phone behind, only to end up sitting at the desk in the bedroom, looking at his laptop. He started watching clips of Sehun, soon enough coming across a link to the Tokki Talk episode he appeared on, the one right after his own. The twisted part of him wanted to see his ex as torn as he was, but not only was Sehun smiling, he was grinning. As much as he wanted to be proud, he was jealous- jealous of Q-Rabbit, jealous of Seulgi, jealous of pretty much anybody close to him because they all had a much better relationship with him now. He felt like a complete and utter idiot even past the irrationality of hating people who did him no wrong. He was regretting his choice and he had nowhere to go.

He leaned all the way back in his chair and resumed his sobbing, sinking into the numbness. He didn’t know how long he sat there, but he eventually heard Yifan enter and call for him, but when he responded he only managed to let out a pathetic squeak. And that’s exactly what he was. Pathetic.

“Luhan? I got you chicken.” Yifan’s upbeat voice rang out, tinged only the slightest bit with exhaustion. That upbeat tone didn’t last long, however. The mere sight of Luhan was enough to make Yifan rush over to him in concern, putting his hands on Luhan’s shoulders. “What happened to you?”

“It doesn’t matter. Just go to sleep.”

His feeble attempt to dissuade Yifan only made his kind concern turn into angry worry. “Luhan, your eyes are bloodshot. You’ve been crying, haven’t you? Who did this to you?” He stepped back for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing as he pulled out his phone. “It was Sehun, wasn’t it? Give me a second.”

“No!” Luhan stumbled out of his seat, making a wild grab for the phone, only barely missing it. “It wasn’t his fault. It was all mine. Yifan, I’m an idiot, I never should have left, please don’t call Sehun, he shouldn’t waste any time with me, I don’t even know how you can deal with me-”

“Luhan. Luhan!” His frantic mutters ceased after Yifan shouted his name, his senses returning to him. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re absolutely gorgeous, your voice is wonderful and… I can’t believe you could ever see yourself as anything less than that.”

“What are you talking about?” He expected a pep talk of some kind, but this was above what any normal friend would say in this situation.

“I couldn’t get to you since you were always with Sehun, but I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you. At first I didn’t like him, but I was glad that he made you happy. I honestly thought he would have left with you. But… I couldn’t bear to have him treat you like that. I didn’t want to take advantage of the situation, but I didn’t want you to be hurt again. Not while I was around. You understand, right? Please understand me.”

“I…” Luhan wasn’t an idiot, he could tell that Yifan was pushing toward something from the very beginning, the aggressiveness to Sehun, the convenient housing, the bed that they shared together despite there being a perfectly good guest room (which Luhan found soon after their talk). The only thing that kept him from reciprocating was uncertainty. But here Yifan was pouring out his heart, offering him the chance to feel whole again, to feel like he didn’t make the wrong choice again. Sehun was happy without him. “I do. I’m sorry I took so long to notice. I’m willing to try something with you.”

Yifan's face split into a grin that was first overabundant happiness before transitioning into something much more sultry. “Would you be willing to try something… more with me? We can stop any time you like.”

Pushing any thought of Sehun aside, Luhan let his instinct guide him, and right now he couldn’t see any reason to decline an offer to feel better. Screw the neighbors, all he wanted to do was let loose one way or another. “Depends on if you’re willing to go past just kissing.”

Yifan took his challenge in stride, tilting his head, every single movement he made now predatory. “Oh?” He cupped Luhan’s cheek and let out a husky breath when Luhan leaned into his hand. “Do you think you’re ready for that? I can be very rough.”

Luhan mischievously nuzzled against his hand without breaking the eye contact, drawing out more and more of his new partner’s latent impatience. “Prove it.”

Before he knew it, Yifan’s mouth was on his, hot, moist and demanding, the sensation successfully stunning him. Luhan couldn’t contain the moan he felt building in his chest and within seconds of him opening his mouth he felt a tongue ramming itself inside. His eyes flew open only to flutter to a close, once again melting into the kiss and letting Yifan have complete control.

Even when they ran out of breath Yifan barely paused, moving straight from Luhan’s mouth to his neck, showering the soft area with light kisses. The tiny gasp he gave when his neck was licked only encouraged more licks, until he moaned as his nape was sucked. Luhan had no idea his neck was so sensitive and yet that sensitivity was exploited almost instantly. His legs were steadily turning into jelly and to steady himself he wrapped his arms around Yifan.

Yifan unabashedly placed his hands squarely on Luhan’s butt and started lifting. Taking the hint, Luhan jumped up as best as he could and wrapped his legs around the other, diving right back into kissing him. He realized they were moving but nonetheless continued kissing, too impatient to wait until he was set down to get more of his new partner. Less than five steps later he felt himself tipping backward without warning, which caused him to yell out in absolute horror which steadily turned to indignation when he hit the bed and saw that Yifan was laughing at him. “Asshole.”

“I know.” His reply was in a smug, sing-songy voice that annoyed Luhan, but his situation was a bit too compromising for him to act out on it. “But you love it. Get yourself undressed.”

Luhan released his grip on Yifan’s body, allowing both of them the freedom to do what they needed to do. He made quick work of his pajamas and laid back leisurely to watch Yifan dig a bottle of lube and a condom packet out of the corner of the dresser. The items were deposited on the bed soon after, giving Luhan the chance to pick the bottle up and examine it. “Are you sure you didn’t plan this?”

“Don’t tell me you think I’m a virgin. Since I couldn’t have you I was thinking of satisfying myself in other ways.” Luhan half-hoped Yifan would take his time in his stripping, but he was all business, all rough movements to get the offending articles off of him. He drunk in the sight of his new love’s body anyway, groaning in disappointment when he paused at the boxers. “You’re not a virgin though, right? You and Sehun must have…”

“Let’s not talk about him. I’m not a virgin, let’s leave it at that.” He bit his lower lip and ran a hand over his own stiffening cock. “Touch me already.”

Yifan’s voice was rougher, more commanding now that they were focused on sex. “Turn around. Hands and knees.” He obeyed, albeit sluggishly, daring his partner to take control. Since he was facing the other way his sense of anticipation built, culminating in a girly shriek as a meaty hand smacked his ass.

The glare he shot was largely ignored since his apparently perverse boyfriend was far too occupied running his hands all over his new conquest. When Yifan spoke again, his voice was dripping with satisfaction. “You have no idea how long I’ve been thinking about doing this.” He uncapped the lube and placed a generous amount on his fingers, letting the slicked digit hover right above Luhan’s vulnerable asshole. “Eyes forward.”

“Oh, come on.”

“It’ll feel a lot better if you follow my instructions.”

Luhan couldn’t exactly argue or come up with a reason why he wanted to do otherwise, so he begrudgingly looked forward. Before he was even able to finish moving his head he felt the doubly uncomfortable sensation of a frigid finger entering him. “Cold!” 

“It’ll warm up in a little bit. Just relax.” Yifan went through the proper motions, the cumbersome stretching and waiting tempting Luhan to just yell for him to hurry the hell up. All thought left him when the finger within him twisted and hit a certain spot, forcing a big moan out of him. The pleasure that shot straight into him was enough to make his elbows buckle. A few moments of complete stillness followed before Yifan brutally poked at that spot repeatedly, successfully bringing Luhan’s front half down to the bed.

Luhan vaguely felt the finger slip out of him but couldn’t be bothered to say or do anything other than lay there and pant. He flinched as two fingers entered him but nonetheless endured the horrible burn of stretching waiting for that moment of absolute pleasure. Just as he was expecting another barrage on his pleasure point, all he got was a feeling of emptiness as both fingers receded. He threw a questioning look behind him.

“Why didn’t you…?”

“Can’t have you coming without having taken me yet.”

Yifan only then got rid of his boxers, his engorged member already straining against the fabric, springing free long and proud after being slipped down. What it lacked in width it made up in length, and if Luhan hadn’t already taken Sehun's massive member he would’ve sworn it wouldn’t fit.

Yifan pressed himself in gradually at first, aided by the lube, but early on gave into the temptation of thrusting, making Luhan squirm with each bit of discomfort that slowly turned into pleasure. By the time Yifan bottomed out, Luhan’s cock was already trickling pre with how often his prostate was jostled in the process.

His boyfriend certainly didn’t hide the fact he was enjoying it just as much, if not more so; he was groaning, running his hands all over Luhan’s back. “That’s it. Take it all.” Each leisurely thrust had Luhan squirming and gripping the sheets. As Yifan stilled inside of him, unwilling to let that pleasurable feeling go, Luhan resorted to moving himself back and forth but to his frustration it just wasn’t enough. After speeding up and even starting to stroke himself, he began to forget that Yifan was even there, so focused on getting off that he clenched in surprise when he heard words instead of the appreciative grunts he’d been getting.

“Needy little slut.”

He completely froze, wanting to snap back but unable to considering the show he just gave. He couldn’t exactly argue that he wasn’t when he was sawing himself on a prick and stroking off. To add further insult, one quick thrust was all that it took for Luhan to erupt into another massive moan, somehow making his face burn more than it had during this entire exchange.

Completely unable to summon up his usual snark, he just laid there until Yifan started moving again. Yifan traded the careful patience he exhibited just earlier for deep and hard fucking that left Luhan reeling. He weakly pushed himself back up onto his hands, dangerously close to just collapsing back on the bed again, only for Yifan to take advantage and push him firmly on the small of the back. He arched his back obediently, allowing the prick within him to go even deeper.

After many more moments of rough fucking he felt something building up within his stomach. Almost on the cusp of achieving anal orgasm, Luhan could only groan in frustration as Yifan finished before him, driving in deep one last time and shooting before pulling out completely. Apparently unconcerned with Luhan’s predicament, Yifan took the time to slip off and tie the condom while Luhan was left to finish himself off.

Every moment spent rubbing frantically at his cock made him more annoyed, but when he finally shot his load into the sheets exhaustion took over. As he laid there gathering the thoughts in his pleasantly fucked state, he heard the sound of the shower. He rolled over onto his back to confirm that Yifan had indeed gotten into the shower without a word and left him. Despite the temporary rush of anger, Luhan was far too lazy to get worked up about those issues that would have normally pissed him off- coming without warning, leaving him, taking a goddamn shower without a word. He’ll just have to chew him out another time.

The shower stopped and his boyfriend stepped out, clothed only in a towel that hung off of his hips. Yifan was back to his usual curt self, but that didn’t matter to Luhan, he just wanted to ogle while he could. Yifan cracked a smile only when he came over and patted the other’s head.

“You need to take a shower. I’m going to wash the sheets. Try not to fall asleep until I’ve changed them, OK?” Luhan’s response was a nod, eager to get the sticky sweat off of him. Since Yifan would be washing  _and_  changing the sheets he thought that a longer stay in the shower would be warranted, but even he surprised himself when he stood still, eyes closed, letting the water just run over him for the longest while.

There was a lot to think about now, his relationship with Yifan, how he’d have to hint at it before coming out, producing movies and albums that would cement his fame and reputation so that if he did come out he wouldn’t be brought down just for his sexuality. He had truly severed the tie with Sehun now, since his new boyfriend had claimed the one thing that had been exclusive to his previous beau.

As much as he fancied the idea of carrying the entire burden of decision making himself it ruined his last relationship, not to mention the fact that Yifan was an entirely different person who made his own rash decisions. He resolved to clear the air as soon as possible, even if it just started as pillow talk. Even though he was speedier about drying himself, by the time he walked out the person he was supposed to be talking to was already flat out asleep, snoring softly. He slipped into his discarded pajamas and got into bed next to Yifan as quietly as possible. 

Oh well, there was always tomorrow.

When Luhan woke up, he immediately went searching for his partner to clear up the air, but he already went off to his shoot, presumably, since he didn’t leave anything else to explain his absence. Luhan didn’t exactly tell him what he wanted to talk about in the first place, so he didn’t blame him. He simply went on with his day and waited for the time when they could speak normally again.

It turned out that their schedules didn’t intersect with eachother much now that their respective films were pushing for finishing their shooting. The times they did meet it was either too early and they ate breakfast in silence, or it was too late and they ate dinner in silence. This was all topped off with the fact that most of his ‘free’ time was devoted to his album. When he actually dropped ‘Reloaded’ he was so concerned with the album that he completely forgot about his qualms and, for the most part, his relationship with Yifan.

When the firestorm of activity they both shared died down, however, Yifan had no qualms with making it clear that they were still in a relationship in the way that suited him- more sex. The first time it happened, they were sitting on the sofa watching a drama that neither of them really cared about but was the first decently watchable thing they found. It was just the first episode and the protagonists had barely met eachother when Yifan made his move, planting a soft kiss on Luhan’s cheek.

Luhan responded by planting a quick kiss on his lips, which naturally escalated into him on his back almost smothered with his boyfriend’s insistent kisses. The gushing of a schoolgirl in love served as the oddest background noise to sex he could ever imagine, but nonetheless found himself as pleasured as last time.

Their sessions followed the same general pattern; be somewhat in proximity to eachother, share kisses or light touches, make out with eachother, annoy the neighbors with their moans and end with Luhan bent over some kind of furniture while Yifan cleans up. It wasn’t exactly tender by any means of the word, but it was a pleasant enough if unorthodox relationship.

Yifan wasn’t pleased with just the frequent fucking and Luhan was privy to a slightly uncomfortable situation where he came home to find the table lined with all sorts of sex toys and associated paraphernalia. He was close to just nodding his head and leaving for one or two more hours, but sighed and went in nonetheless to find Yifan (fully clothed, thank goodness).

“Is there any particular reason you’ve decided to buy everything from a sex shop and dump them on the table?”

“No matter what I say it’ll sound bad, so all that I  _am_  going to say is that I wanted to know what you’d be willing to try.”

“Oh, so it wasn’t a joke.” He blinked a few times and knocked away the largest dildo onto the floor carelessly, making sure to stare at Yifan to ensure he knew that he wasn’t amused.

“Of course not. I wouldn’t waste this much money on a joke. Try not to break anything, but I understand if you don’t want to use it.”

He moved around the table, dropping things on the floor without much care. At first he wanted to be spiteful and remove every single thing on the table, but he actually found himself interested in some things. When he stepped back, the majority of the toys were on the floor, but a blindfold, a few vibrators and a ballgag managed to survive his pickiness.

“Wait.” He took one more step back. “We’re not going to be using all of this today, right?”

“Paranoid. No, of course not. Expect that we’ll be using them sometime soon, though.” Yifan started to pick up the discarded toys, only to pause and look up at Luhan. “Are you going to help?”

“Nah.” Luhan giggled and pranced his way up the stairs.

“You’re going to regret that sooner or later.”

Two days was all that it took for Luhan to get reaccustomed to life without shooting. It was nice to take a break from the rampant schedules and insomnia, but the lack of anything to do was quickly driving Luhan mad with restlessness. Just earlier Yifan offered to take him shopping, but he declined because he didn’t want to get out of bed. He groaned and rolled around, wondering if he should work on music, or maybe play a video game, or any number of activities that his indecisiveness was quick to conjure up.

Just before he resigned himself to spewing some random thoughts on Weibo, his phone rang. Automatically assuming it was Yifan (who else would call at 2:50 PM?), he accepted the call and gave a brisk “Yeah?” The voice that he heard wasn’t the deep and husky one he had grown accustomed to hearing every single day, but the one that used to echo within his dreams and thoughts. There was no mistaking it, even with how quiet he was being.

“Thanks for accepting my call.” Luhan had never really come to terms with whether or not he’d speak to Sehun, but he had inadvertently made that decision (apparently for the both of them) and now he had another thing to worry about.

“No problem.” He gnawed on his bottom lip, not exactly versed in what you were supposed to say to people whose hearts you’ve broken. “How have you been?”

“It’s been a trip. Hard as ever, but it’s always worth it.” There was uncertainty dripping from that entire statement. If Luhan were with him he’d try to get the truth out of him, but it wasn’t the place and it certainly wasn’t the time.

“Mmm. You seemed like you were enjoying yourself. On Tokki Talk, I mean. Seulgi seems nice to be around.”

“She’s wonderful. I think she’s the person I speak the most with after Minseok. As far as I can tell, Taeyeon and I are the closest things to mentors to her. Though I guess Taeyeon’s much closer since she can approach more easily. Junmyeon’s taking an interest in them too.”

He flinched as he realized that he really only even considered keeping in touch with Sehun despite the fact that Minseok had proven to be a good friend during their tenure in almost constant proximity in their subunit. He’d probably have to call up a few of the EXO-M members- Minseok, Yixing, he’d even try Jongdae and Tao even if they’d instantly reject.

“It’s nice to hear about it all. I haven’t done all that much.”

“You released an album and you’re in the middle of shooting a movie. Yeah, you haven’t done that much.” Sehun was a lot snarkier than he remembered. Maybe he was hanging around Kai?

“Shut up. For your information, I already finished the shooting.”

“That just means you did more than I expected.”

“Whatever.”

The rest of their chat was idle small talk, mostly stories from both ends, the majority of Sehun's with Minseok and Luhan's entirely devoted to Yifan since he had no other real source for stories. As pleasant as their chat was, Sehun inevitably had some sort of responsibility or another and he swore he could hear one of their old songs playing in the background. They broke off with some promises to talk again later and the heart attack he swore he would have had by the end of it didn't actually happen. He calmly opened up Weibo again and sent his post, at which point Yifan entered the room with several bags.

“I got us lunch. Who were you talking to?”

“Sehun.”

Yifan’s face twitched and he dropped all of the bags except the one presumably with the food in it. “Come down and let’s eat.”

And now he had to deal with another consequence of accepting that call; Yifan’s inevitable jealousy. He was a reasonable guy, at least. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incredibly sorry for the long wait. Smut isn't my strong suit and nor is smoothly progressing a plot that happens to have interwoven events. Things have also been happening. Like an upcoming con. So don't expect anything new too quickly.


	7. You embraced me with your arms

Sehun spent days on end preparing, psyching himself up for the imminent confession and, just like he had done with Luhan, singled his target away from the rest of the EXO members. Instead of the clumsy location he had chosen for his first love, the hallway where anybody could’ve seen them, he had the foresight to ask Minseok to accompany him to the balcony right outside of their practice room. They were still visible through the sliding doors, but the other members weren’t exactly going to overhear when the music was playing as loud as it was.

Looking over the city bathed in the dying light of the setting sun from the fifth floor of the building, Sehun had never felt more confident. It hadn’t snowed yet, but the wind was crisp and cold. He gave a lopsided smile and a sideways glance to Minseok, who was still looking at him with earnest confusion. “I think this has been a long overdue question.” It was adorable how Minseok stiffened up and gulped even before he asked.

“Would you go out with me?”

Contrary to Sehun’s expectations and the adorable image that he just saw, Minseok leaned against the balcony and looked out onto the cityscape instead of answering right away. Sehun’s heart dropped as the guy who was supposed to be overjoyed started looking much older, more like his age, his features sharp and hardened in a way that only resignation could bring out.

“I’m flattered, but I’m not interested in you in that way.”

Sehun felt like laughing, returning to the practice room and pretending like nothing happened, and screaming at Minseok all at the same time. All that he managed to do, however, was gawk awkwardly, all of his cool confidence gone in the span of a few seconds and a few words. He had never really considered rejection to be an option.

“Sehun, you’re not the only one who’s had heartbreaks before. I’m 25 years old and I think I’ve gone through more people than I really should have. The first time I broke up with someone I was an idiot. I got into relationships that would have never worked. When you broke up with Luhan I didn’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.” Minseok’s face twisted with obvious regret before lightening as he took a deep breath. “This isn’t to say that you’re not attractive or that I’m… fully turning you down. I guess looking after you or being protective isn’t a good enough excuse for how close I’ve gotten. I just don’t think that we’re ready for a full relationship just yet.”

“So what exactly are you saying? Should I ask you later?” He felt incredibly dumb, but he had no other idea than to ask since this was the first time he had ever been rejected- and not even flat out, he was…  pseudo-rejected. It was odd.

“No. Well. I mean, kind of. It’s dating but not really dating.” Minseok rubbed his temples, trying to find the best way of explaining a concept delicately. He only found one solution and that was to drop all pretenses. “It’s called casual sex. We hook up, no strings attached, no consequences, no guilt. A few rules. One, we can hook up with other people if it’s also casual. I don’t like cheating. Two, if either of us enters a serious relationship we break off the agreement. Three, if we both agree on it we can move up to boyfriends.”

It was a baffling concept at first, but it made complete sense. Neither of them wanted to be part of the lonely hearts club, but neither of them wanted to end up in the broken heart club again. If it didn’t work out, there was no obligation or guilt associated with it. “So if we won’t be boyfriends, what would we be?”

“Most people call it fuckbuddies.”

He snorted at the on-the-nose term. “That makes sense. Sounds like a good deal, though. Consider me your fuckbuddy.”

“Are you sure? Even if it’s casual this is a big kind of decision to make. I’m willing to wait so you’re sure beforehand.” Minseok’s previous stern seniority melted away into the familiar deferential and friendly attitude, which made Sehun all the more comfortable in his decision.

“Yeah. I think this is the best step for both of us. Maybe you’ll come around sooner than you expect, who knows.” He inched closer to Minseok and slung his arms around him. “I do have one concern, though.”

“What is it?”

“What are we going to do about the rest of them?” He glanced back purposely at the training room. “I don’t think we can be subtle about this thing.”

“I’m sure we can, as long as you don’t start flirting with me around everybody else. We’re close enough to eachother that they won’t get suspicious if we just hang around eachother normally. Why wouldn’t this be subtle?”

“I’m afraid you’ll be too loud when I’m inside you. Walls are pretty thin, you know. Chanyeol and Baekhyun’ll be knocking on  _our_  door.”

He couldn’t help but smirk at Minseok’s attempt to hide his face. “I’m sure they’ll understand if- if that happens. It’d be way too awkward for any of them to come up and ask us. Except maybe Junmyeon. But he doesn’t count.”

“If you’re so afraid of that you can just bite the pillow.”

Minseok coughed into his hand and wriggled out of Sehun’s hold. “I think we’ve taken long enough, they’re probably going to start the other choreos.” Sehun watched in complete amusement as the utterly flustered man made his way back into the practice room, head lowered. He followed in soon after, purposely hounding after him.

As far as plans went, his clearly wasn’t the best, but when it all came down to it, sometimes the best decisions came without plans.

Despite his cocky words, Sehun didn’t feel any real inclination or need to do something in the ensuing weeks. It was painfully clear that Minseok expected something to go down between them, unable to hide his anticipation every time Sehun so much as glanced at him. It was particularly awkward during the times they were heading off to sleep.

Just by staring at Minseok he could force the other to slow everything he was doing down, speaking, walking, even pulling up the blankets when they were in bed. It probably had to do with him expecting Sehun to just throw it off of him if he felt like it, since he only turned to sleep on his side once ample time was given and he had the blanket completely over him.

Winter and snowfall meant that this wasn’t the most sexually charged time either. There were no convenient excuses like ‘It’s warm, let me take my shirt off’, they wore layers even inside of the building since there was no telling when one member or another inevitably invited the entire group to eat out even with their recording and practice schedules and, worst of all, the other members were usually stuck with them inside that building.

As the days passed and he got more frustrated, both regularly and sexually, he found himself lying on his bed barely able to concentrate on the video he was watching on his phone. Minseok was far more energetic with what he did, which happened to be listening to music with passive noise cancelling headphones. He was dancing the best he could with real effort, which made a hilarious image when he was doing so sitting on a bed. Sehun instantly recognized the choreo even without the legwork since Minseok was that dedicated to getting the arms right- and he was dancing their yet-to-be released song, Call Me Baby. He had gotten about halfway through before one of the moves had him look over at Sehun, at which point he coughed and stopped.

Sehun shook his head and got up, awkwardly stooping as he went to the door, unabashedly walking with his erection straining against his pants after giving up. He locked the door before slipping off his shirt, which instantly attracted the other’s attention, but didn’t manage to hold it. It was only when he took off both his pants and boxers that Minseok chose to pause and take off his headphones. Sensible enough to know what was coming, he deposited his things on the floor, fully anticipating exactly what Sehun was thinking.

Sehun did nothing but stretch teasingly for a few moments, a look behind him confirming that Minseok was already undressing. The sight of his amazing abs was enough of a cue for Sehun to turn around and walk leisurely over, hands joined together on the back of his neck. He almost cracked up midway with how his dick bobbed up and down with the motion, but he kept his composure long enough for Minseok to finish undressing as well.

He noted with great appreciation that the other’s eyes were instinctively drawn to his dick. He took great pride in the fact that he was easily the largest of any member of the group. Minseok was definitely on the smaller end of the spectrum, but being put next to Sehun’s only made it look even smaller. Minseok gulped and looked up to Sehun’s eyes. “So, what exactly are we doing?”

“You’re clean, right?”

Minseok had to blink a few times before he could answer the abruptly timed question. “Of course I am. I made sure I never got an STD. If you’re worried about the whole other partners clause that was more for you than me because I don’t exactly have that kind of arrangement with anyone else. I just figured that-”

“Say no more. I’m clean too. And… the clause is kind of pointless since I only have eyes for you, basically. Want to get rid of it?” They both nodded on it. “Don’t wanna use a condom right now, so I’m going to suck you off. Sit on the bed.”

With a slight huff of what Sehun could only take as disappointment, Minseok sat down as instructed and opened up his legs, allowing Sehun full access to his groin. The realization that he had no real idea what he was doing dawned on him only when he got on his knees and actually got face to- well, head, with the thing that he was supposed to be sucking. He eventually worked up the nerve to start stroking it, gauging the effect it had on Minseok every single chance he got.

Apart from an occasional twitch on the other’s face or a gripping motion from his hand, Sehun didn’t get much of a reaction, so he stuck out his tongue and gingerly licked the head. It was a weird taste, mostly just like salty skin with a tad of something that was distinctly Minseok, probably musk or something Sehun couldn’t hope to name.

Just that small lick was apparently enough for Minseok to groan and try to cover his mouth, his right hand flying up to cover only to shoot right back down. Taking full advantage of that newly gained information, he bathed the head in light licks before sliding his hand down to the very base of the dick. One tilt upward exposed all that he needed and he licked a long streak from the base to the head. When he reached the head he gave it a small kiss and cheekily sat back on his haunches.

Minseok, on his part, had his eyes half-closed, the part of him doubtlessly wanting to be open and wanton about his actions battling vigorously against his sense of dignity and the want not to be caught by their peers. He was already gripping the sheets with both hands when the last lick and kiss made him gasp. His cock throbbed and bobbed ever so slightly as it started dribbling pre, which Sehun wasted no time in tasting. The salty tones were slightly stronger this time around.

Taking the pre more or less as a sign to move on, he firmly grasped the member and hastily slid his mouth down it, which turned out to be a bad idea. His gag reflex kicked in and he slid off even quicker than he slid on, which lead to a massive coughing fit. Typical Minseok was much more concerned about Sehun than the mood and got on the floor with him to make sure he was OK.

“I’m fine.” Sehun tapped on his chest and coughed once more of his own volition. “Let’s get back to it.”

“Are you sure? We can stop if you’re not really up to it.”

“I am going to suck you off if it kills me.”

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Get back on the bed already.”

Minseok begrudgingly got back onto the bed. Despite it being all Sehun’s fault, he decided to mete out some vindication by sucking loudly and noisily once he started again, stroking himself off in the process. The effect it had on Minseok was ridiculously gratifying, first marked by a big moan followed by an embarrassed whine before becoming muffled again, the Chinese boy biting down hard on one of his knuckles to stop himself from being as loud as he just was.

Sehun didn’t stop there, however, immediately attempting to deepthroat again when he felt that he got accustomed to it. He successfully curbed his gag reflex and took the entirety of the prick, though admittedly only for a few seconds and aided by Minseok’s relatively short length. He incorporated it as often as he could, though he had to slow down each time he tried it simply because he didn’t want to ruin the mood again by coughing or choking on his dick. The pace he set for himself quickly made his jaw hurt and it became a struggle not to drag his teeth across what he was sucking, though thankfully Minseok peaked just as quickly.

Soon enough Sehun only had to hold his jaw open since Minseok’s patience ran out, which meant the guy who was just sitting there passively was now bucking, thrusting into his mouth, eyes tightly closed. A few sharp and deep jabs at the back of his throat almost made him choke again, but he stubbornly blinked through the tears and kept himself still.

“I’m coming!”

Feeling the other pulling out, Sehun was worried he’d get a full face of semen, but Minseok kept just the tip inside and spurted there, washing Sehun’s tastebuds with thick, fruity and slightly salty ejaculate. He held it all within his mouth, unsure of whether to spit or swallow, temporarily looking to Minseok for guidance before realizing that he had already flopped over on the bed and was catching his breath.

Shrugging off his fears, he swallowed all of it. Wasn’t too pleasant, but it wasn’t unpleasant by a long shot either. He stood up shakily, his sore legs protesting every second of the way, before bending over once more and licking off the last dribbles of cum that he had missed. Most of what was left already dribbled into the crevices in between the perfectly sculpted abs, something Sehun was all too happy to lick at. He laid down next to Minseok and pumped languidly at his still very erect cock only to pause when he felt a hand that wasn’t his own gripping him.

Minseok had turned to his side and started jerking him off. He was more sluggish than usual but compared to Sehun still energetic enough to set up a good pace. It was clear that he knew what he was doing; his experience combined with his wonderfully smooth hand had Sehun coming within moments. Just as Minseok did earlier, Sehun shut his eyes, only opening them when he felt the other getting up.

“You did a pretty good job cleaning me up but… I don’t want to risk any sort of crust.” Minseok shivered as if to accentuate his point and then moved toward the bathroom. Sehun waited explicitly for the sound of running water before making his move, padding as softly as possible toward the connected room. The walls of the shower were already foggy from the steam so Minseok wasn’t likely to notice he was even in there unless he made an effort to look outside.

He gingerly slid the shower door open gradually as softly as possible. Unfortunately, it made a horribly obvious noise so he gave up with sneaking around and just opened it fully, stepping inside brazenly. Minseok immediately turned around and backed up against the wall in pure horror. Once he got over his blind panic and recognized Sehun, he turned off the water and clicked his tongue in disapproval. “Why are you in here?”

“I need to get clean.”

“So you couldn’t wait your turn?”

“More like I wasn’t done with you. Let’s clean ourselves together.”

Minseok took his suggestion seriously even if he acted like he didn’t want to do it and soon enough Minseok’s hands were on him again, though in a thoroughly nonsexual manner. For a time he just watched Minseok’s beautiful fingers rub body wash onto his chest, but he couldn’t stare for long since Minseok quickly got annoyed by his inactivity, punching Sehun’s chest lightly where he was just rubbing.

“Are you just going to stand there and watch me?”

“You didn’t hand me any body wash.”

“You couldn’t pick it up yourself?”

“I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

Minseok rolled his eyes and handed over the bottle to Sehun, who put a good amount of body wash on his left hand before aiming the bottle at the other and squeezing, laughing as it splashed over Minseok’s abdomen.

“You’re going to waste all of it.”

“Not a waste if I get to touch you more.”

Minseok fell silent and Sehun began washing, purposefully going straight for the abs he was admiring earlier. At first the Chinese boy recoiled on reflex, all too familiar with members poking there, but moved forward again and allowed Sehun to do so out of necessity. For a while they did nothing but wash eachother, occasionally making eye contact and awkwardly looking away. It was only when Sehun’s hand reached Minseok’s groin that the other paused again.

“Another round?”

“Is that an offer or an actual question?”

“I don’t like shower sex. Especially when we’ve already made the floor even more slippery.”

“Shower kissing?”

“You haven’t brushed your teeth.”

“Fiiine. But I still have to touch you  _there_  if I want to make sure you’re clean.”

“You’re lucky I actually trust you with doing that.”

Sehun hummed in appreciation when he got to fondle Minseok unabashedly but any fun doing that without any intent of stimulation wore off quickly. They finished up soon after without any further incident, Minseok immediately moving back to his bed to clean up their mess while Sehun brushed his teeth. When he emerged from the bathroom freshly bathed and brushed, his clothes were laid neatly on his bed for him and the other boy was fully clothed, although he was reading now instead of dancing in his bed.

Slipping into his clothes once more, Sehun sat down and busied himself with his laptop once more, logging in again once it came out of sleep mode. He took a quick look at his tabs before a pertinent question came to him, one he asked without even looking away from the screen.

“Do you think they heard you?”

“Heard me doing what?”

“Yelling.”

“I was yelling?” Sehun gave the slightest of glances, and as expected Minseok had the exact face of worry he expected. He shook his head and started typing.

“Yeah, pretty loudly. Don’t think people downstairs would hear but there’s a chance Kyungsoo, Jongin, probably Chanyeol and Baekhyun too all heard it if they’re not busy being noisy themselves.”

“…Let’s just hope they didn’t.”

After their first round of sex Sehun actually found himself worrying that somebody had indeed heard them and dropped everything he was doing when somebody knocked on his door the next day. Of all the people Sehun expected to approach him like Minseok, Junmyeon and Jongin, he didn’t expect Tao to be the one who was knocking on his door. Minseok was out, which was a bit of a rarity considering Sehun followed along most of the time, so when he allowed him in it was just the two of them in a closed room.

Just from the way that Tao carried himself he knew that this was an intensely serious issue, so he straightened up even before Tao started speaking. The gap between the other’s entrance and his first words ended up being longer than Sehun anticipated, though, so he had time to anticipate what this would be about- Luhan, probably?

“I don’t want to start anything.”

“Then don’t.” Sehun could already feel his chest tightening, the words he just lobbed coming almost automatically. He muttered a soft apology that Tao probably didn’t even hear, but he surprised even himself with how easily he said that rude statement.

“Right. Well, I wanted to talk about Luhan.” Tao sped up, clearly expecting some sort of remark from Sehun and cutting it off before it even started. “I’m not blaming you. I don’t even really blame Luhan anymore. I think I’ve only just started forgiving him for it since I’m going through what he was.”

“Don’t tell me you’re leaving too. Just… don’t. I didn’t choose to stay for the first time just for everybody else to leave me behind.”

“I’m not planning on leaving.” Tao stopped there and spaced out for a while before snapping back into focus and crossing his arms. “You know, I had my doubts about you. Yifan started it all. He was the one who fed Luhan all those ideas of leaving, so if anybody’s to blame it’s him. I thought EXO was doomed because I was sure of all people that you’d be the one to leave us.”

“So you didn’t trust me.” Needless to say Sehun was getting very annoyed at this point, digging his fingers into the bed as a way of letting out some of his aggression while staying level. “Is that all you wanted to say?”

“That’s what I used to think of you. But now I trust you more than anyone else about their seriousness. You got the same treatment we did.”

“What do you mean by ‘we’?”

“M. EXO-M. We put up with having less lines even when the subunits came together because we got to record the majority of the Chinese versions. But you got the short end of the stick even though you were a K member. Less lines even in the Korean version, most of the time they’re English, things like that.”

Sehun’s jaw tightened and he fought with himself not to attempt to force Tao out of his room, firstly because it would prove that he had sore feelings about the subject but mostly because Tao would likely just overpower Sehun and stay inside whether he liked it or not. He had tolerated the sparsity of his lines in XOXO, Growl and their EPs as SM waiting for fan reception before they promoted certain members; since he was one of the least experienced trainees it was to be expected. However, despite getting a healthy fanbase and having put all of his effort into performing, he now had more English lyrics. Yay. What did ‘Never don’t mind about a thing’ even mean?

“Well I’m still here. And that’s all that matters.”

“I thought Luhan had you wrapped around his pretty little finger. We all did. But you didn’t leave. I’m not sure I would’ve done the same thing if I were in your situation.”

“Thanks. I guess. But I don’t think you came up here just to compliment me about something I got over months ago.”

“Let me get to the point then. Have you been talking to Luhan recently?”

“Only once, a few days ago. I don’t think either of us knows how to do this friendship after romance thing. How did you even know?”

“Doesn’t matter. The point is, he’s starting to talk with you again. I was his friend. I just wanted to ask a huge favor out of you and see if you could-”

“Convince him to start talking with you again?”

“Not just me. Yixing and Minseok want to talk to him too.”

“Minseok?”

“He doesn’t tell you everything, you know. He has friends other than you.”

“That doesn’t exactly make me want to help you.”

“Fine, I take it back. We just need to speak to him. All of us.”

“I can’t promise anything. You know that. Luhan made some pretty weird decisions even when I thought I knew everything about him. I’ll try my best.”

Tao breathed a sigh of relief and smiled for the first time this entire conversation. “Thank you. You know, maybe we should speak more. Jongdae usually does his own thing, Yixing’s decent but boring at times and Minseok’s basically glued to your side. Might be refreshing if we both had more people to speak with.”

Sehun snorted at the brash descriptions but nonetheless agreed with them. “Sure. Since we’re starting to be friends, you owe me personally for the phone call.”

Tao grimaced but nodded anyway. “I have to buy something, don’t I? What do I owe you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I should leave it up for you to choose and for me to think if it’s enough.” Sehun smugly leaned back on the pillows, underestimating how many there were behind him and more or less ended up just laying down. Oh well, same effect.

The response was both immediate and unamused. “Bubble tea?”

“Bubble tea works!” Sehun grinned and raised his fist up in approval.

Tao couldn’t help but snicker as he turned away. “That was easy. Maybe I’ll try one of those and see why you’re obsessed with it.”

“You probably should.” With that, the door closed and he was once again by his lonesome. Despite what he had kind of promised to do, he couldn’t help but feel fulfilled for the simple fact that he got somebody else to buy him bubble tea.

It was only much later during the night, the bubble tea Tao delivered to him long gone and Minseok fast asleep, that Sehun took a serious look at his phone and considered calling Luhan. He hovered over the contact before accidentally tapping on it, causing a picture of him smooching Luhan’s cheek to appear. Right, he forgot to change it.

He scrolled through the many pictures he had stubbornly refused to delete, most of them both of them together, before he replaced it with one of the few solo photos where Luhan wasn’t making his heart ache with one cute pose or another. He wasn’t going to call him tonight.

He turned off his phone before rolling around to face Minseok. Eventually he’d replace those photos of him and Luhan with him and Minseok if everything goes right. He gave a fond smile to the sleeping boy before making a serious attempt to drift off to sleep himself.

All he had to do was wait for Minseok to come around and take their relationship to the next level.


	8. I'll hug you, I'll hold your hands

“Yifan, why don’t we ever do stuff like that?”

Luhan was half-asleep, laid down on his front on the sofa, kicking his legs absentmindedly. Even though the outside of the house was caked with snow the heaters within kept the inside nice and toasty, to the point where Luhan went so far as to forgo his usual clothing, only putting on a sheer black top and shorts since he had no plans to go outside for a good few days.

With how much he slurred his words he was surprised that Yifan responded, since he didn't expect him to hear at all. “Like what?” Yifan was in another room entirely but came around to the back of the sofa, looking around to see what he was referring to.

Luhan pointed to the TV, currently tuned to yet another drama series he didn’t really know about, where the protagonists had already very clearly gone past the confession and have gotten to official relationship status, all hugs and chaste kisses when the two of them were alone. As much as he liked the frequent bouts of sex, he also wanted the romantic closeness that he had in his last relationship.

Yifan took the time to watch the scene carefully while Luhan rolled over onto his back to look up at him. After careful consideration, Yifan nodded and locked eyes with Luhan, smiling widely down. “I’m sorry. I think I got so excited thinking about what I could do to you ever since the first night that I didn’t think of that. Come on, let’s fix that problem.”

Seeing the excitement on the other’s face, Luhan snapped out of his daze and sat up properly, the seat next to him soon filled up. He didn’t have to wait long for Yifan to make his move, an arm around him and a kiss planted on his cheek. At first he was scared of the similarity, scared that this was just going to be another lead-in for one kind of sexual act or another, but Yifan didn’t do anything other than comment on what was going on in the drama.

His hesitation melted away and he leaned onto Yifan once he realized that he actually took the advice to heart. When cute moments happened on the show, Yifan emulated them the best he could on the couch, which Luhan thoroughly enjoyed and even looked forward to, so much so that he was disappointed when the episode finished. Yifan, on the other hand, had a different idea. “How about we put on a romantic movie?”

“That’s cheesy.”

“Is that a no?”

“Well. No. But it better be a good one.”

Yifan chuckled and got up momentarily to pick up the remote, making sure to sit back down and get right back into cuddling before he even fiddled with the remote itself. He was surprised to see My Sassy Girl all the way from 2001 instead of a Chinese or even a modern flick, but there was a reason it was so highly rated. At first he wanted to take it apart and see what the actors did but the story was enough to suck him in even without Yifan, who had no qualms with kissing him randomly throughout the film.

It was a whirlwind of different emotions, the serious and touching aspects of the movie never overstaying their welcome since it was a romcom, but staying long enough to leave a lasting impact on both the audience and the story itself. It wasn’t his favorite movie by a long shot, but it was genuinely something he enjoyed watching even as a fellow actor. As much as he enjoyed it, though, he was incredibly drowsy by the end.

He wanted to fix his sleep schedule but he knew that if he changed it to normal his work obligations, which at the moment were none, would once again skyrocket and force him to change again, so he obeyed his urge to sleep at 4 PM instead of waiting for any reasonable time. He gave one last peck to Yifan before getting up. “That was great. Thanks, by the way.”

“You shouldn’t even be thanking me for this. I’ll treat you like a prince.”

The corner of Luhan’s mouth twitched and he turned away quickly. “Yeah, maybe not like a prince. But that was exactly what I was looking for. Felt like a date.”

“Stay at home dates are a thing, you know. We can watch something else.”

“I’m sleepy, though. Gonna go to bed.”

“So another time?”

“Definitely another time.”

“Want me to get dinner for you just in case I’m not awake in 8 hours?”

“I can make my own food. That’s what the microwave’s for.”

“Maybe I should teach you how to cook instead of just microwaving leftovers all the time.”

“Learning takes effort. You know what? Just get me food if you feel like it. It’ll be a good arrangement for both of us.” Luhan wasted no time going up to the bedroom just in case Yifan decided that he’d argue and  _not_  get him food and gleefully got into bed. Luhan’s thoughts before exhaustion hit him were comprised solely of his new boyfriend rather than his ex, the first time this had happened, period. Every thought or reference to Sehun, even ones that only really he saw or could connect, tended to ache and it was nice to rest without regret.

Luhan woke roughly 7 hours later, just shy of Yifan’s prediction, though his sleep was interrupted by his ringtone. He stumbled across the room toward the desk, clumsily grabbing it and answering it without checking to see who it was, as was the usual.

“Hello?”

Of course, it was hard to forget somebody who was actively trying to maintain their friendship. This time he was more prepared and didn’t hesitate to respond to Sehun. “Yeah, what’s up?” Preparedness didn’t mask the fact that he just woke up or the way he slurred his words, however.

“Is this a bad time? I can call again later. Sorry.”

“No! No, of course not. I was just asleep. I’m not doing anything.”

“Thanks. This was the best time I could think of to call you. Listen, there’s something I wanted to ask of you. You can say no if you want.”

“When you word it like that I get suspicious.”

“Yeah, I know. I just wanted to say it.” There was a pause and Luhan momentarily thought the call dropped or he accidentally ended the call, but just as he looked at the screen Sehun started speaking again. “Tao, Lay and Minseok want to speak with you all. Not all at once. They just want permission.”

It was Luhan’s turn to stay silent for an uncomfortable period of time, but he eventually made up his mind. “Right now? They have my phone number.”

“They weren’t sure whether or not you’d accept.”

“Any of them with you now?”

“Tao is.”

“Put him on, then.” Luhan didn’t expect Tao to be the first one he’d talk to, but there was no reason for him to reject or even complain about it. This was entirely on him for alienating himself from the subunit even when he was still staying at the dorm.

“Luhan.” Tao was as brusque as ever, not that Luhan expected anything other than that from him. Even though he knew what Tao was like he couldn’t exactly gauge how he was or how he was feeling over the phone, which meant he could either be on the receiving end of an argument or a proper civil discussion. It was a complete tossup determining which he’d get.

“Yeah, I’m here. What did you want to speak about?”

“I understand why you left now even though you really should’ve had the balls to tell us before you even filed the lawsuit. I forgive you for that. What I don’t forgive is you avoiding us. What the fuck were you even doing all that time away from us before you left? Were you meeting up with Yifan or were you just sitting on your ass at some bar waiting until we were all asleep?” And he got an argument. Of course. Just as Luhan was prepared to end the call there or otherwise snap at Tao, he could hear Sehun’s voice, though incredibly muffled. Whatever was blocking the microphone lifted soon after, letting Luhan piece together what just happened.  “He needs to hear this! Look, if he can’t deal with this now he’s never gonna deal with it. Just let me talk to him and you’ll see.”

He could feel the start of a headache coming on and rubbed his temple preemptively. As much as he wanted to go down to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water to moisten his throat he didn’t exactly want to run into Yifan and explain that he woke up because Sehun called him. “I’m listening.”

“As I was saying, it was a dick move to stop talking to us like that. It’s like you forgot that we’ve known eachother before EXO. You said you were unwell, but with all the bullshit I’ve put up with from you I’m starting to think that you just wanted to get away from us. Tell me, were you being serious or do you just hate us?”

“I don’t hate any of you.”

“Then goddamn act like it! I haven’t heard anything from you in  _months_  and that’s all you have to say? I’m sticking my neck out by saying this, but SM  _is_  a shitty company. Just don’t mix us up with them. Yixing was crying the other day because he thought he was part of the reason you left. And unless you want me to march up to him right now and say you hate his guts, you’re going to promise me you’ll call him and the rest of the subunit as soon as possible.”

“I promise.” Even though it stung to hear everything, Tao was always the best one to make Luhan face his problems instead of pushing them away like he usually did. The rest of the members, even Yifan, were all too agreeable with him and it took Tao’s voice of reason for him to actually do things.

“Good. I expect a call from you on my cell sooner or later. Bye.”

Luhan almost hit the end call button but realized it was still Sehun’s phone that called, so he waited just in case Sehun had something else to say, which he did. “I’m sorry about that.”

“You don’t need to be sorry about anything, least of all what Tao says. That’s just how he is.”

“I wouldn’t have worded it that way.”

“He has a point, though. Can't guarantee me doing anything until he yells at me. Though I need to call Yixing before he decides that I took too long.”

“I’ll leave you to it. Take care.”

The call had only barely ended when Luhan was holding the phone up to his ear again, his left hand tapping a random rhythm as he waited for Yixing to pick up. Yixing picked up after three rings and the first thing Luhan could think to say, and particularly loudly, was “Hello!”

“Luhan? Wow, I didn’t think it would actually be you.”

“Tao talked to me and I called right away. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. Leaving the company made me think I had to cut all ties for one reason or another, which is ridiculous now that I think about it.” He wasn’t talking to Lay, he was talking to Yixing. There was a stark difference that he had only just realized. “I’m rambling, I just wanted to make sure you knew I didn’t leave because of you.”

“Ah. Tao told you about that? It’s a bit embarrassing.”

“It isn’t. Emotions are nothing to laugh at or be embarrassed by. I was so concerned with how I felt that I didn’t stop and consider how you felt, too. How is everybody? Are they all OK?”

“To tell you the truth we aren’t taking it that well. We were sure if we called you first you’d reject instantly. When you started talking to Sehun again I thought Minseok would be the first one to open you up, but I guess Tao took that opportunity instead. But it doesn’t matter. Everyone will come around once you start speaking with them again.”

“I hope so. I’m worried about Jongdae the most.”

“I’ll talk to him about it. He’ll come around in time. Hey, is it alright if we have a video call later? I think it’d be good if we could actually see eachother from time to time.”

“We should probably set aside some time because it’d be awkward for me to call you right before you go out to a concert or something.”

“Same goes for you. Can’t have your phone ringing in the middle of filming.”

“True. Hey, I don’t want to be weird, but could I ask how Sehun’s been holding up?”

“When you say that with that kind of tone it’s almost like… Nevermind. He’s really bonded with Minseok. Whenever Minseok’s not around Sehun just stays in his room and doesn’t really like to speak with us even if we give him something. I wish I could help him, but I don’t even know if he needs help in the first place if he keeps hiding away like that.”

Luhan quickly diverted the conversation to lighter topics and finished off the call with the usual deflections of having to do something even though his mind was fully set on doing nothing but speaking with Minseok at that point. However, before he could even get to Minseok’s number, Yifan stepped in, nearly making Luhan throw his phone at him out of surprise.

Yifan simply raised an eyebrow at Luhan’s frightened expression and held up the plastic bag. “Bought you dinner like you asked. Didn’t bring a plate ‘cause I thought you’d make fun of me if I did that.”

“I would, to be honest. Just gimme the styrofoam and I’ll eat out of it.”

“Knew it.” Luhan snatched the bag out of his hand and got to eating everything on the bed, despite there being a much better eating surface just a few steps away. “Before you choke on all of that, who were you talking to?”

He took one look at the massive piece of chicken he was about to stuff into his mouth entirely whole before lowering the fork and clearing his throat as if Yifan weren’t totally correct about the likelihood of him choking. “Why do you wanna know?”

“You don’t exactly talk to a lot of people over the phone, Luhan.”

“Don’t get mad again. It was Sehun.”

“What do you mean ‘don’t get mad again’? Why would I be angry about that?”

“I don’t know, you were steaming pretty hard when you got me lunch. Coincidentally also related to food.”

“I told you I’d be a better boyfriend, didn’t I? You can talk to whoever you want. Just don’t forget about me.”

He stared at Yifan with all the suspicion in the world but all that he saw was genuine concern.

“Fine. Keep this up and you’ll be the best boyfriend ever.”

“I intend to.”

When Yifan said he wanted to be the best boyfriend, he surely didn’t disappoint nor back down from the challenge. He started spending more lavishly, getting Luhan chocolate and other foodstuffs before Luhan had to force him to stop before it ruined his figure. A week or so at the gym fixed that problem before it happened and of course Yifan was the inexhaustible one, encouraging him all the way to get an even better figure.

The attitude only multiplied after the New Year when both of their films were released to marked success, Somewhere Only We Know dominating the box office for the first six days, though Luhan’s 20 Once Again eventually edged over Yifan’s with higher overall figures. His EP Reloaded+ also came out to relatively good sales.

They were both there for eachother’s first screenings, something that was widely reported about especially since people were still circulating the ridiculous rumor that they were going to go back into the music industry as a duo instead of staying true to their acting careers. Luhan was strictly a solo artist; Yifan didn’t give any indication that he wanted to do anything related to music ever again.

With the sustained joviality and the inevitable celebration for both of their successes, Luhan and Yifan both got drunk in the sanctity of their home and came together for sex, and lots of it. When Luhan woke up the next day everything ached; his head, his pelvis, even his nipples, oddly. He groaned as he sat up, looking at the horrible state the room was in, pillows on the floor, a few sex toys poking out from beneath the bed and- the thing that was hanging from his left nipple. He winced in pain as he ripped it off of him, staring at it in confusion before realizing it was a vibrator with tape on it. He tossed it away from him, apathetic to the safety of the toy.

Almost falling over a good few times, he stumbled down to the kitchen and drank as much water as he possibly could, rubbing his temple irritably before giving up on trying to soothe the hangover and going right back up to the bedroom, though not before he took note of the camcorder on the living room table.

He didn’t even bother with the bed, mostly because he was pretty sure the sheets were a biohazard that he contributed to, and weaned off the hangover using his laptop. When his head wasn’t murdering him for his poor life decisions, he decided that he’d call Yifan, who hadn’t shown up for a while. The ringing was annoying even without the hangover headache, especially when his usually attentive boyfriend wasn’t responding.

He kept trying to call throughout the day only to keep hearing that infernal ringing which only built his worry up gradually, driving him to clean up the house as a method of distraction. It worked well, but there were only so much things to do that took his mind off of the issue, and soon he was back to square one, agitated in his chair and unable to even post something to Weibo.

At some point he had fallen asleep, but he woke up in time for Yifan to arrive. Not willing to let go of any of his previous anger, he caught Yifan midway up the staircase and stood at the top, crossing his arms with clear scorn. “What the hell were you doing?”

“Acting call. Auditioned for a film as supporting cast. Lead role is Feng Xiaogang. Couldn’t exactly refuse.”

“And you couldn’t have at least told me or wrote something or texted me?”

Yifan had the audacity to scoff, which only pissed Luhan off more. “I wasn’t just auditioning for that film, you know. That's just the most promising one. I just got very busy today, OK?”

“Are you always going to be this busy or what?”

“Babe, I love you, but if you keep acting like this I don’t know how I’ll feel about it. It’s cute, but I’m really tired right now.”

“Is it really that hard just to tell me before you leave?”

“Sometimes? Yes, it is. As much as I want the world to revolve around you it doesn’t. If you hadn’t gotten both of us that drunk we could have had a regular day. I don’t know how you could complain with how loud you were screaming yesterday.”

It was a fair point since Luhan was the one to bust out all of the alcohol they had and he couldn’t exactly deny that he didn’t have fun with how thoroughly wrecked the house was, so he backed down a fair bit, his normally stubborn stance thoroughly shaken. “Just tell me the next time.”

“I will, I will. Why don’t you work on auditioning again? It’ll give you something to do while I’m not around.”

“I don’t think I’m going to audition for anything for a while, actually. I’m going to take a break from filming to focus on another album. It sounds really corny, but this entire thing has been an experience, you know? So I’m going to call it Experience.”

“Wow. Yeah, you were right when you said it was pretty corny. It’s nice to know you’ll be at home a lot more. Gives me more time to think of how we can spend time together. But, for now, I need to sleep. I’m not going out tomorrow, so let’s spend the day together again.”

“Definitely.”

Luhan finally let Yifan pass, though he did give a pointed stare at the other’s back until he turned the corner. If there was any doubt in his mind that Yifan wasn’t interested in pursuing music, it was gone there. He would have helped out otherwise, surely. Acting really did suit Yifan a lot better than dancing or singing for that matter and Luhan was completely fine with that. It just would’ve been more satisfying if they did have that kind of connection.

Even as he headed off to his makeshift studio, a reading room tucked away in the corner of the house, he kept thinking of what their relationship was; non-ideal. But then again, which relationships were ideal in the first place? Midway through humming a tune he decided that no relationships ever were. If they were, he would still be dancing and singing with Sehun instead of acting with Yifan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to wean off the smut for a while. By the end of the in-universe year 2015 or 2016 depending on how far I stretch I should be able to divert majorly from real life events as it were, giving me a whole lot more freedom to actually get into the bulk of the ideas I had since the very beginning of this fic.  
> I may also get to work on another fanfic requested by a friend, but it shouldn't detract too much from this one. Especially since they'll take place in the same universe.


	9. My heart ached for you

Relationships were hard. It was a simple statement, but even something as vague as that was hardly enough to sum up his feelings toward Luhan and Yifan’s works. He wanted to support them by watching their films, but it would be incredibly awkward to do so when every single other member, even the usually cheerful Minseok, opted not to watch at all.

He had to ask himself several questions before he saw it, such as ‘would Minseok get offended?’ (probably not), ‘would he be interested in coming along?’ (again, probably not) and ‘would it be awkward if he saw it by himself?’ In the end he decided against it just out of the irrational fear that it would somehow damage his relationship despite Minseok being the most loving and accepting guy he knew.

He wanted to speak to Luhan about the film just to broach the topic of becoming an actor once he left EXO after the inevitable disbanding even if it would take years and years, if SNSD and Big Bang were the examples he could rely on the most. He masked his reasons for not watching and not asking about it with Minseok as his excuse, but in reality he feared that he’d be the biggest hypocrite of all and break away from EXO to pursue something more comfortable.

With all of the songs on EXODUS finalized and his fate as the rapper who got barely any lines was once again sealed, he started seeing things in a negative light. At heart Sehun liked to get as much as he gave. Even if the higher-ups at SM had no way of knowing what kind of emotional turmoil he went through just to stay with his friends, he felt as if they should have known and should have given him more, vocal quality be damned.

Suddenly he felt spiteful to members he had never had any serious qualms with, such as getting bitter every time Jongin became the center of attention during the dances even if that was the entire point of his job as the visual, Chanyeol always barely edging him out with number of lines and the lowest point for him, when he got mad at Minseok’s number of lines in MAMA.

A few talks with Minseok brought him back to reality, but it was dangerously intoxicating playing around with the idea of doing some sort of stunt or some small act that wasn’t harmful but would get the attention of the people who actually had an influence on the line distribution. He had an idea for EXO’s first actual subunit away from the concept of EXO-K and EXO-M as a whole; a hip-hop unit consisting of himself, Chanyeol, Jongin and Tao. There was a lot of praise going around for groups that were involved in the production of their songs, something BTS was able to claim while EXO was left in the dust with absolutely no songs written or produced by their members.

“It’s still a work in progress.”

He sat down both Minseok and Tao for the sole person of announcing this grand idea he had, deliberately scheduled so that Minseok’s optimism could balance out Tao’s tendency toward pessimism.

“I don’t know, don’t you think it’s a bit early for that kind of thing?” The first objection was actually raised by Minseok, proving to Sehun that no matter what he planned there would always be some kind of wrench in his plans. He had no idea why he had the tendency to fall in love with guys who kept surprising him, but maybe it was just his type. He had no other way to explain it. “We already had EXO-K and EXO-M and I’m pretty sure everybody wants to forget about that. What would it even be called?”

“I was thinking EXO-H for Hip-Hop. Or EXO-R for Rap.” They weren’t very creative names, admittedly, but sometimes he wondered if they should’ve chose EXOTICS instead of EXO-L. It would’ve given them a lot more freedom for these kinds of experiments for sure.

“We’ll let somebody else handle the names.” Tao butted in, his gaze centered solely on Minseok instead of Sehun. “It’s easy for you to say that when you’re on the vocal line. Sehun’s probably not going to agree, but he’s more of a dancer than a rapper. I’m more of a rapper than a dancer. But 90% of what people notice is going to be the song. They’re not going to be watching a video everyday. It’s no coincidence that they give all of the lines to the ones who are great vocalists like you. I think the subunit’s a great idea, because then we don’t have to compete with you all for whatever scraps are left after you sang most of the song.”

Minseok frowned but nodded after a few seconds. “I guess so. I don’t even really know why you even asked me about it, though. I’m not a part of this whole thing.”

“I honestly thought you’d be the one to support it and help me convince Tao, but it was the other way around.” Sehun shrugged and smiled cheekily, earning him a soft punch.

“What about Jongin and Chanyeol?”

“What did you think I was gonna do right after this?”

“Oh boy.”

“Speaking of Jongin, why him?” The unimpressed vibe that came off of Tao and his words were stifling.

“Would you rather _I_ be the visual of the unit?”

“Point taken.”

Shooing away the Chinese members he yelled for the other two. Predictably he had to yell two or three times before they even yelled back, but after enough pestering and some urging by Junmyeon to ‘see what he wants and you can go back to doing whatever after’ they came running to him.

Jongin and Chanyeol were equally irritable just from the way they glared at Sehun, so he didn’t waste time mincing words this time and introducing the idea slowly this time around.

“Got a great idea. New subunit, don’t know what we’ll call it yet. Completely devoted to hip-hop so we’ll all get more lines. You two, me and Tao. Tao and Minseok are down for it.”

“Wait, why is Minseok even- You asked him because you knew he wouldn’t turn you down.” Jongin crossed his arms and shook his head, taking the lead as Chanyeol stretched and listened in.

“Not the point. What do you think?”

“Why aren’t you including Yixing in all of this? He gets almost the same amount of lines you do.”

“One, Yixing’s really good vocally and two, can you really see Yixing in a hip hop group with the rest of us?”

“He’s done more serious concepts before. There was MAMA. Oh, and Wolf.”

“He didn’t exactly dress up differently or seem very different for either of those.”

“Alright, I can see why you’re not that confident in that idea.”

“I’m in.” Chanyeol yawned and started heading back, to the bewilderment of Jongin and the amusement of Sehun.

“You’re agreeing to be part of a group and you have absolutely no questions about it? No worries at all?”

“More lines means more recognition. And Sehun’s going to sort it all out for us. That is, if he really wants us to go along with him on this.”

It was Sehun’s turn to sigh and roll his eyes. “You still have to vouch for this idea. I can’t do it all by myself.”

“Sure, just call if you need me. Though next time try not to do it when I’m about to take a nap. I feel like death.”

“You look like death.” Jongin joked.

“Alright!”

Turns out it was harder to pitch ideas to a company who already had the majority of the year completely and utterly booked. After finishing up recording for EXODUS during January and February, they headed straight into their 2nd solo concert tour Exo’luxion which successfully distracted the majority of the members from the incident where SM dropped a counter lawsuit on both Luhan and Yifan for acting under the SM trademark.

He and Tao both spoke with Luhan who vehemently denied any sort of trouble despite knowing that if SM won the lawsuit, even if he won his lawsuit, the totals would neutralize eachother. Sehun didn’t know about many topics and it wasn’t like any of the members were secretly lawyers, so he couldn’t offer any advice of any substantial value. He just wished him luck.

The Seoul concerts were supposed to be perfect since they already performed at that exact place, Olympic Gymnastics Arena, without any problems, but Jongin and Tao both managed to injure themselves during the dates while Sehun encountered his own issue during the final show. Despite how he looked in makeup with his heavy eyeliner and the persona that he liked to use, a much more serious version of himself, all taut, all sharp, he couldn’t hide how excited he felt each time he came out to see fans cheering and screaming for all of them.

After they got some of the bigger tracks out of the way to start off the event with an easily recognizable bang, they started delving into the more obscure tracks that really brought the true fans of EXO out past those who were just riding the hype. They reached Run and was so focused on the fans and on executing the choreo that he didn’t even see the camera heading straight for him until it was too late. Completely blindsided and in pain, he ran off the stage without even thinking about it, leaving the rest of the members to finish Run without him.

Their medical team was all over him once he retreated to the safety of the sidelines, starting off with the interrogation. Dazed, nauseous and with his head throbbing where he was hit, he didn’t respond to the questions at first which understandably raised worries. He did answer them before they went too far and shipped him away in an ambulance, however, since he wanted to go back onstage.

Any plea he gave to continue performing was shot down instantly. It didn’t help his case either when his head started swelling slightly and people had to hold an icepack down on it. With no chance of continuing the concert, he quickly switched his tactics and asked if he could address his absence, something the medical team initially refused but gave into on the recommendation of the PR person. Donning a hat to make sure the injury wasn’t visible, he headed out onto stage after the conclusion of another song.

His heart weighed him down with each step, as if being injured was somehow his fault, but there was no escaping the disappointment of, well, disappointing the crowd. As soon as he stepped onto the stage fans started screaming and he sped up his walk just so he could explain the situation to Junmyeon first and foremost who would be able to communicate it a lot better. Minseok trailed behind him like a worried puppy, but he’d learn what happened soon enough.

Junmyeon quickly handed him a microphone and he gulped, looking toward the audience, the majority staring back at him with concern and nervous chatter. He sputtered a bit at first but got into speaking soon after. “I’m a little injured, but it’s not a big injury, it’s small. It still hurts but it’s OK. I hope everyone didn’t worry about me.” He couldn’t contain the smile even as his head continued to ache with how loud everything was. Just the thought of them all understanding was enough to bring him happiness. “Firstly, I’m sorry about the concert. You came and I was only supposed to show you my handsome side.”

He stopped and kept scanning the audience left and right when he realized they were chanting. At first it was just a small section but soon the entire arena was chanting, an embarrassingly heartwarming message: ‘It’s OK’. Completely at a loss for words and with tears forming in his eyes, he looked down to hide his face, something Chanyeol picked up on immediately considering he was right next to him. A whole flurry of emotions hit him when Chanyeol and the arena started chanting ‘Don’t cry’. Since he had his head pointed down he couldn’t see who they were, but other members nearby were doing their best to comfort him with small pats and rubs.

After about three seconds trying and failing to contain his tears, Chanyeol started pulling him back to the sidelines when Jongin came right up to him and touched his chin, the simple reminder a powerful reminder of what Luhan used to do to make him smile. His jaw tightened and he felt another rush of tears and he turned away, unwilling to let their fans see just how weak and vulnerable he really was. Times like these made him wish Luhan were still with him even though he knew he was long gone.

Kyungsoo took the attention off of him allowing him to rein in the tears considerably with a simple comment. “Sehun really wanted to show his handsome side.”

Spinning back around, Sehun nodded. “Yes! Please don’t be too worried!” Despite his request he had to turn around again as more memories of Luhan battered into his mind. To his utter embarrassment another chant started, this time led by Baekhyun; ‘It’s OK!’ It didn’t help much but appreciation swelled in his heart for how understanding everyone was about it. He touched delicately at his face, trying not to make it obvious that a bit of snot was trickling, but Junmyeon quickly came to his rescue twice over by not only giving him his handkerchief, but also by speaking to the audience. Despite addressing them, though, Junmyeon was clearly speaking to Sehun since he was facing him.

“Sehun felt that it was a pity, so he tried to play it off as a joke to the members. But, for me, I think he really wanted to come up on stage even though the safety personnel said that it was better for him not to. He was told not to but he still came up because he was worried about everyone.”

Faced with such a direct statement, of course he had to address it. “I didn’t come up here to cry, I wanted everyone to not worry about me. I’m sorry everyone!” He felt so awkward trying to calm his fans down when he couldn’t even calm himself down. Yixing moved over and gave him a hug, telling him that they’d talk later before moving away again. Jongin started trying to cover for him then, only to fizzle out midway through his sentence, at which point the chant started up again.

Even though he had no idea what he would say he still felt like he had more, wanted to continue his comment, wanted to find some way to convince everyone that he was emotionally stable. He expressed that desire in a quick quip to Junmyeon, who announced it grinning, giving a small laugh that showed he understood his intentions even if there was nothing left to say, putting the fans over himself even though he was literally in tears.

The comments broke down after that, mostly disjointed random quips that the members had concerning the situation that Sehun agreed with. He jokingly suggested performing MAMA before he ushered himself off of the stage to the sound of the fans screaming ‘We love you’ and Junmyeon changing the topic to the next song and performance.

Without even asking for permission he whipped out his cellphone and walked a good bit away from the medical team who would have otherwise had somebody monitor him from a distance no farther than 3 ft, pointing purposefully at the cellphone as if he was the one who received the call instead of the one who dialed.

It was strangely soothing to be away from all the noise outside, something his headache definitely appreciated and he started getting drowsy just from the dial tone. His energy surged once Luhan picked up, though. “I miss you.”

“Sehun? What was that?”

“Yeah, it’s me. I just… wanted to call to say that I miss you.”

“Oh.” Uncomfortably long pause. “Did something happen? Where are you?”

“At a concert. EXO’s concert, actually. I got hit by a camera and I can’t perform for the rest of it.”

“Oh my god. Are you alright? Is it swelling? Do you have a concussion?”

“I’m alright, I think. They would’ve taken me to the hospital right now if it was bad. Don’t know if I have a concussion. What else did you say? Oh, yeah. I miss you a lot.”

For a moment he thought the call dropped with how long Luhan stayed near silent. It took a bit of concentration to hear the small breaths that the other was taking, indicating his presence. When he did say something, though, it was very quiet, almost drowned out by the music from outside. “I miss you a lot, too.”

Sehun’s head injury healed relatively quickly and there was no real sign or cause for worry, so he was free to perform after it had completely healed. Jongin had a similar situation, leaving Tao as the only one with an injury that was still the cause for some measure of worry. Despite the pain in his leg he carried on seemingly with no complaint other than the occasional wince whenever he’d kick or land on it specifically. This led to a torn ligament in his ankle, which rendered him unable to perform on the ensuing promotions.

Due to his unwillingness to hear about the topic in general, Sehun put it out of his mind for a while and instead focused on the variety of the awards shows where Call Me Baby dominated, receiving a Triple Crown on M Countdown and four wins on Music Bank before being stopped by BTS’ I Need U. After the streak was broken Sehun received a call from none other than Seulgi, who had an interesting proposition rather than questions as usual.

“Want to have dinner with Red Velvet?”

“Is this a set-up for something?”

“Trust me, I’m not sure you’ll be able to see them in that kind of light once you eat with them.” Seulgi giggled. “I think you’ll be able to see them as they really are since I’m not going to tell them exactly who I’ll bring along with me. If that’s OK with you, I mean.”

“Hey, I’m not going to tell you how you introduce me to your group members. Maybe one of these days I’ll invite you out to dinner with EXO without telling them either.”

“Isn’t that a bit strange, one girl eating with 10 guys?”

“Implying that it’s any weirder for me to be the only guy eating with 4 girls.”

“5. But point taken. You forgot about Yeri, didn’t you?”

“Wow, yeah, I did. Don’t tell her that. I want her first impressions of me to be at least somewhat decent. She’s the only one I haven’t talked to yet.”

“She’s mischievous, to say the least. I can’t really guarantee her behaving even at the best of the times, so just prepare yourself for whatever she does, if she does it.”

“Sounds like Tao, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Jongin… basically half of EXO. Don’t worry so much about it. I’m used to all kinds of ridiculous things.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

The day came and seemingly everybody noticed he had plans that particular night. The only one he trusted enough to tell openly about his actual plans was Minseok who encouraged the night as an opportunity for the both of them to hang out with their other friends. He got ready, dressed up with a bit more effort than usual. Going out was an absolute hassle since everybody was dicking around in the communal room and suddenly everybody was interested. Jongdae tried tagging along and when Sehun said he couldn’t bring anyone along, Baekhyun brought up the possibility of a new boyfriend- and nobody would shut up. There was an absolute clamor and Sehun escaped the ensuing chaos, chuckling a bit when he could hear Junmyeon starting to get pissed off just as he hopped into a taxi.

The building he got off at was a quaint little thing indistinguishable from the houses around, and if Sehun hadn’t gotten specific instructions from Seulgi he would have thought he was at the entirely wrong address. He knocked on the door twice, jumping a little when the door swung open right after he did so. Seulgi had the same look of excitement that Minseok had whenever something good happened and ushered him in with a little skip in her step. Sehun figured out the reason why it was indistinguishable within two seconds of entering, and that’s because this actually was a house. As if sensing his curiosity, Seulgi started explaining as she led him. “Since SM doesn’t like us eating too much, especially during promotions, we like to come here from time to time to eat whatever we want. They think that we’re using the bigger space to work on music. They’re not suspicious of us either since we’ve actually done things like that before.” They paused outside of a door. “I’ll tell them you’re here and you can come in.”

Seulgi did just as she explained and he could already hear the excited chatter from within. He strode in confidently, noting that the girls had made the effort to be respectful by standing up, but each and every single member aside from Seulgi stared at him in awe. They were all blonde, still coming off of the Ice Cream Cake promotion, but thankfully he knew all of their facial structures so he distinguished them in that moment of complete silence. Before any sensible action could be made Yeri yelled, words filled with shock. “Sehun’s your boyfriend!?”

All eyes shot straight onto Yeri. It took a moment to register what she actually said, but the absurdity of the statement shocked him up so much that he started laughing. Seulgi joined him in laughter while Wendy and Joy were chiding Yeri on her impoliteness, leaving Irene to stand close to him and wait for his bout of laughter to cease. Seulgi wasn’t lying when Yeri was concerned. When he got over it he shook all of their hands and was directed to the seat farthest to the door, seated with Seulgi to his left and Irene to his right. They were eating in no time, Sehun actually appreciating the fast pace the girls took because it was a hassle timing eating when he was starving.

It was remarkable seeing all of these gorgeous girls eschewing the normal, dainty bites that they were no doubt restricted to whenever they were eating in public. As much as he enjoyed watching them eat like some sort of live mukbang, he just had to start up the conversation again. “Yeri, why did you think I was Seulgi’s boyfriend?”

Instead of shying away like most people who would consider that an embarrassing moment, Yeri simply carried on. “Seulgi didn’t explain who she was bringing along so I kind of assumed it was her boyfriend. It felt like she was asking our opinions when she suddenly told us she was bringing someone along.”

“Sehun’s not my type, and I don’t think I’d bring my boyfriend along just to ask for your opinions. You’re not my relatives.”

Joy piped in. “Even if we aren’t your relatives I think it’s pretty important to see if your actual relatives would approve. Not that you’d date anyone we wouldn’t approve of. What I’d really like to know is, if Sehun isn’t your type, who is?”

Seulgi shot Sehun a pleading glance before starting. “It’s odd to talk about those things when Sehun’s around, isn’t it? I don’t think he’d be interested in hearing about those things.”

“I don’t mind at all. In fact, I’d like to hear all about who Seulgi’s interested in. She hasn’t told me that yet.”

Seulgi’s head dropped for a couple of seconds before she sighed and brushed her hair off of her shoulders. “Fine. But I’m sure he’d be more willing to share his own type when we’re finished.” She bit her lower lip and glanced a few times at both Irene and Sehun. “I’m not a fan of people with double lids. I don’t have them and I don’t think they’re particularly attractive, that’s all. The only person without them in EXO is Xiumin, right?” Sehun gave a small nod. “So that eliminates everybody except Xiumin. I want somebody who’s comfortable, who can laugh a lot and still look great when they laugh. I don’t care much about height or age. A little bit of childishness is OK, but I want them to be cool and calm most of the time.”

As Seulgi trailed off Irene expressed interest and suddenly each member was giving their own type. Irene looked more at personality, Wendy wanted someone respectful and shared Seulgi’s clause of looking good while laughing, Joy was interested in someone who lived by rules and Yeri just wanted someone with manners. Before long it was all down to Sehun and he crossed his arms, leaning backward, stretching out the anticipation for what his was.

“I like someone with an explosive personality. When I say explosive I don’t mean abrasive or annoying, I just like people who I can never really predict. Of course they’d be funny, loyal, passionate…” His thoughts drifted away and he stared into nothing for a little while, to the worry of those who were still listening. “And all the other usual traits everybody looks for. Cute. Handsome.”

“Handsome?” Sehun blinked a few times when Irene repeated what he just said and muttered a swear under his breath. Seulgi put her hand on his leg and looked at him with determination, making him think she was fully prepared to go with whatever lie or excuse he had to cover it up. However, he just shook his head and sighed.

“I’m gay.”

There was the same kind of silence that came when Sehun entered, but this time there was no latent humor, just dead seriousness that blanketed over them like a heavy shroud. Irene was the first one to break the silence like a true leader and put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t let anybody ever make you think that you’re anything less than you are. If they have a problem with you, they’ll have to answer to me.”

The other girls agreed in a similar fashion, each one lending their support, and Sehun found an even greater level of respect for the members of Red Velvet. Despite not having been affected by it, he knew what could happen should his sexuality be exposed to the world at large.

“Yeah! Red Velvet’s got your back!” Wendy said the second sentence in English and he vaguely understood what she said, but hearing her say it perfectly combined with the silly thing she did with her arms (probably trying to be ‘gangster’ but failing) made him chuckle and the mood was instantly restored.

Joy was the only one pouting, though she had an entirely different thought on her mind. “Now our pool of potential boyfriends is even smaller. Sehun might charm them before we have a chance.”

Wendy didn’t let up, jokingly trying to put a positive spin on it. “Don’t worry too much about that. There’s always the chance that he already has a boyfriend. So it doesn’t thin down our chances too much. Do you already have a boyfriend, Sehun?”

“Kind of.” He looked away, scratching the back of his neck. There was a loud ‘Oooooh’ from everyone except Seulgi, who he had long since talked to about Minseok before. She didn’t show any sign of wanting to rat out who it was, though, leaving him grateful for her consideration.

“It’s someone from EXO, isn’t it? I bet it’s Kai or Tao. All of you are very close, aren’t you?” Yeri didn’t even waste time, immediately putting her bets on names. “No, wait, wait, is it Suho?”

“I’m not telling.”

Yeri gave a little ‘Awww’ before pouting. “I’m sure I’m right. Or maybe I’m thinking too small.” She tapped her chin before snapping her fingers. “Is it anyone from BTS?”

Without missing a beat or batting an eyelash both Irene and Seulgi shook their heads, shutting down Yeri with multiple ‘No’s. He knew why Seulgi answered but not why Irene did, but he was sure the leader just noticed things more easily with how responsible she was. She was Red Velvet’s version of Junmyeon.

“There’s no point in asking me who it is. It’s like if I asked who Irene’s boyfriend was, for example. In fact- Irene, who’s your boyfriend?”

Her eyes went wide and she put a hand on her chest. “I’m not saying.”

“Point proven. Maybe next time you should bring your boyfriend over.”

She laughed shakily and nodded ever so slightly. “I’ll see if it’s possible.”

The rest of the meal went by swimmingly, with jokes quickly being thrown left and right though in a far more polite and less chaotic tone than EXO’s regular dinner. When all of the food was eaten and he was prepping to leave, Yeri spoke up just once more.

“You know Ice Cream Cake, right?”

“Of course I do. I really like what you all did with it, MV and everything. Very light and bubbly. You also won music shows with it, right? Your first few wins?”

“Yeah, before we got outshone by Call Me Baby.”

“Oh. Sorry about that. I’m not the one who decides when we do our comebacks, though.”

“It’s fine, I just wanted to ask how you get to that point, you know? Where you can get a Triple Crown just like that?”

“Are you asking for advice? Well. Keep persevering. EXO wasn’t that successful at the start, either. I kept thinking everyday ‘If it weren’t for the other members I don’t think I could do this’. When your fanbase grows larger and people start to really appreciate you, all it takes is for one really good track, like Growl or Wolf to make your numbers explode. One of the most important things you have to keep about you is your uniqueness. Even though we haven’t played around with the power concept in a long time, it’s what set us apart from the other boy groups when we first did Mama. I love your double concept; I love how you all can pull off both light and heavy songs. Even though the lighter ones will be the more popular ones, just look at SNSD’s Gee, your truest fans will appreciate your Velvet side just as much as your Red. That’s what I think, at least.”

“Wow. You’re really smart. I didn’t think about all of that.”

“Not smart, just experienced.”

He left fully satisfied both food-wise and conversation-wise. Gaining a newfound appreciation for Red Velvet, he resolved to be a much more obvious fan, maybe even beating out the big names that supported them like Minho, Heechul and Taeyeon.

He was spreading out his branches further than he ever expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K-Pop schedules are weird. You have 3, 4, 5 months of inactivity and then suddenly in 1 or 2 months they have a new concert, a comeback, music show awards, incidents and who knows whatever else. Longest chapter so far, ~5000 words.


	10. At some point, it seemed like you were crying

“It’s almost like you still want to be an idol.”

Yifan sat across from him, strangely stern for what they just did earlier. He never thought cooking eggs could be fun or interesting, but considering the amount of times he had to scrap it and watch Yifan get more and more desperate, it was actually _hilarious_. They were laughing so loudly and now Luhan was picking at the eggs he made sleepily all while Yifan flicked through the pages of the script that Luhan brought home.

“Unless you haven’t noticed, I do. That’s the entire point of releasing albums and EPs.”

Yifan silently handed him the script and took one or two bites of the eggs before setting down the fork and pushing the plate away, shaking his head. Before Luhan could ask if he messed up the eggs some way or another Yifan was speaking. “You’ve been talking with EXO.” It wasn’t phrased as a question. Luhan’s mouth felt incredibly dry then and he had to take a few seconds before he could even say anything again.

“Yeah? So what? They’re still our friends, you know. Aren’t you curious how Yixing and Tao are doing?”

Yifan shook his head and absentmindedly played with the necklace he had on. “No, not at all. I haven’t spoken to them since I left. There’s nothing I have to say to them that they don’t already know. But that’s not the important thing. I don’t need to speak with them so I don’t. For you, on the other hand, they can influence you. And as far as I can see it, they’re bad influences.”

“Listen to yourself. You’re calling Yixing a bad influence.”

“He’s a nice person, but I can’t help but think that EXO as a whole is doing something to you. This is going to sound paranoid but keep in mind I love you and I want the best for you. I’m afraid that they’ll draw you away from your acting career. Your music is great but it’s not as stable as acting. If you keep talking to them you might put too much effort on the wrong area.”

“I know you care! It’s just that… it sounds like you aren’t that confident in my music. That’s what I want to focus on right now even though I really like acting now.”

“I’m not saying that I’m not confident in your music. I wish you’d trust me sometimes. Working on music is always hard. You have to put out albums, EPs, make sure that every single track is on the same general level as your single or else the entire album would look bad, things like that.”

“It’s the same with the film industry.”

“No it isn’t. Even if you bomb every single movie the director gets the blame if you can still act well. It’ll never be your fault.”

“Can we stop talking about this?”

“I mean, we can, but I always let you talk about things you really want to talk about. I’m sorry if I thought I could get something off of my chest with my boyfriend.”

“Don’t you get sarcastic on me.”

“I just find it funny how you’re still talking to Oh Sehun.”

“That’s still on your mind? What happened to you not being jealous about him?”

“I’m not being jealous. I was talking about it with other people and they all thought that it was weird for someone to still be speaking with their ex even after what they did to you. What he did to you.” Much to Luhan’s surprise Yifan started tearing up, and he nearly knocked over his chair getting up so he could go to his side.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I’d do anything for you even though you’re still talking to someone who wouldn’t even leave for you. Is that the kind of love you want? Do I have to be more distant? Am I too clingy? What is it, Luhan?”

“You don’t have to do anything differently!” He started patting Yifan’s back in an attempt to calm him down. “Sehun’s just a friend. He didn’t do anything to me. In fact, I was the one who did everything to him-”

“Don’t try to cover for him. He doesn’t deserve you, not as a friend, not as a lover.” Yifan gave a shuddering sigh before dabbing at his eyes with a napkin. “How would you feel if somebody hurt me and I decided I’d still talk to them? Doesn’t that sound delusional? How would you react?”

“I wouldn’t want you doing that, but Sehun’s different-”

“Are you cheating on me with him?”

“What? No! I only have eyes for you.”

“Then listen to me. Don’t speak with him. Please.”

“Alright. Fine, fine. I’ll stop speaking with him.”

Yifan gave a small smile before pulling him down into a kiss. It was a toss-up whether or not there’d be anything more; ever since the movie celebration where they went all out Yifan tended to switch between sex-hungry and chaste almost randomly. Sometimes he’d even be more of a mix of the two, giving soft words even though he was brazenly grabbing Luhan’s ass. When one hand slipped under his shirt and the kiss deepened, he knew what was about to happen.

When he woke up he felt horrible. Not only was there the stickiness of having gone to sleep without a shower, he still had his shirt on and Yifan’s arm laid heavy against his chest. He took some time to get his bearings before his eyes trailed to his boyfriend, snoring softly, facing him and lying almost completely on his stomach. He gave a small sigh and shifted a little bit to get into a more comfortable position, trying not to wake him up. Looking over to the side his eyes happened to land on the script he tucked into his bag sometime yesterday. “Shit.”

He shifted more deliberately, escaping Yifan’s hold, before picking the script up and setting it down almost as quickly. He couldn’t learn his lines smelling or feeling like this. Or on an empty stomach, for that matter. He took a quick shower, nuked some leftovers and got straight into learning his lines. He was so focused on making up lost time that it took him hours to realize that he was missing his phone. He looked in all the sensible places where he usually put them, rolling his eyes when they were, of course, not there. His annoyance turned sharply into worry when he checked the usual places that he’d find his phone after he carelessly threw it like he usually did to find a similar absence.

He was in the middle of throwing the seat cushions off of the sofa when Yifan came down the stairs. He gave a small grunt in response to Yifan’s greeting before sitting on the bare sofa, cushions be damned, only barely noticing that the other was fully geared up to go out, jacket and all. “Do you know where my phone went? I’ve been looking for it  _everywhere_  but I can’t seem to find it. I have an easier time with my keys and you know how I hate looking for them.”

“Haven’t seen it. I’d help you look for it, but I’m going out for a few hours. Hope you find it.”

“Wait! Why don’t you call my phone? It’ll be a lot faster.” He made his way over only for Yifan to stick his hands deep within his pockets, preventing Luhan from snatching the phone from him. Luhan gave his best pout and puppy eyes in an effort to get Yifan to stay help him with this, since he felt like he was dying without his phone.

“No time, this is really important.” He ruffled Luhan’s hair. “I’ll call your phone when I get back. If you don’t find it, I’ll just buy you another one.”

“Whatever. I’m too tired to care at this point.”

“Try not to get too bored without it. I’ll be right back, OK?”

Despite having a perfectly good laptop and a script to memorize the knowledge that he couldn’t goof off with his phone was killing him. This, of course, gave him time to really think about what could have happened, and his first conclusion and the most likely one was that Yifan took it. It was probably for a few days until the jealousy blew over, then he’d give it back and he’d just have to switch to texting Sehun instead of speaking to him. When Yifan came later that day, however, he came bearing a gift that Luhan hadn’t expected.

It was the latest model, complete with an admittedly cute pink case (though he would have preferred blue just for the manliness factor), but it was most certainly not his phone. Yifan was all smiles when he offered it to Luhan, who regarded it with complete and utter suspicion. “I had some free time and I decided to call you. Forgot that you lost your phone. Wasted a lot of money, but with how long I was trying to call I’m sure you it’s nowhere in here. Got you a phone so you didn’t have to wait.”

“Tell me the truth. Did you take my phone?”

Yifan stared into his eyes with the utmost confidence and shook his head. “I didn’t. Do you want to look through my phone? I’ve been calling you since lunch.” Without waiting for an answer, he pulled out his phone and showed Luhan the log, which was actually filled with multiple calls, all to his number.

“Sorry. I guess I really did just misplace my phone. I like the new phone, though. It’ll take me a long time to put in all of the contacts. Whatever. It’ll have to be done.”

“I already did that for you.”

He raised an eyebrow and checked out the contacts, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw the contacts for official business near the top as he liked them arranged. His heart sunk when he realized that none of the EXO members’ numbers were saved, however. “Right. Thanks a lot.”

“Did I put in a wrong number somewhere?”

“No. Of course not. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Out of all the people he would have expected to find solace in, he didn’t expect it to be with his coworker.

Being able to work alongside Yang Mi was almost like a miracle in of itself, but she was far from the cold goddess of acting that he expected her to be. He tended to distance himself from coworkers because they had the nasty habit of gossiping, and one topic that they never seemed to get tired of aside from their shallow judgments of beauty, was his involvement with and leaving of EXO. Mi was entirely different, polite, elegant and far above getting her kicks from judging other people. In fact, she went out of her way to help Luhan, respectfully giving her advice where she saw fit.

What started as small tips from Mi during acting turned into full-blown conversations that included both their experiences in acting, though of course the far more experienced actor had many more stories to tell. As they got closer Mi became something of a mother figure despite her only being 4 years older than him. She was already an acclaimed actress and singer and married to boot, which further influenced her matronly qualities past her youthful appearance.

Had he had any sort of positive relationship to his actual mother or his father for that matter, he would’ve discussed this issue with them, but the fact that he was pursuing music at all regardless of whether he was successful or not was a sore topic. It was disturbing how easily he thought of them and discarded the idea, but he had come too far to expect anything other than numbness when his parents were concerned.

It was embarrassing, but she seemed like the only person he could really ask regarding relationships and what he should do with his. The EXO members barely had experience and they’d obviously be biased even if they tried to be impartial. It was a risk even trying to contact them nowadays because he had the sneaking suspicion that Yifan was keeping a much closer eye on him. He lied and said Yifan was his girlfriend but kept the actions and his suspicions about them largely the same in his explanation. Mi tended to be very opinionated about things and this was no different, and took the fact that his ‘girlfriend’ did the majority of what the guy would do in stride.

“If you have a good sense of intuition and you really believe the majority of what you’re suspicious of, you’re probably right. I haven’t seen the two of you together so I can’t say for sure, but this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.”

“I expected something negative, but does it really sound unhealthy? She can be sweet. There was one time she kept bringing me chocolate and I had to tell her to stop before I ate too much.”

“What is she usually like? That was one time. It proves how far a person is willing to go, but doesn’t prove how long they’re willing to keep it up.”

“It… depends. If she’s in a good mood she’ll be all over me. If she’s in a bad mood she won’t talk to me, usually.”

“How often is she in a bad mood?”

“Um, 50/50?”

“Think about what you just said.”

“Yeah. That actually does sound really bad, now that I think about it.”

“I don’t want to overstep or potentially ruin a perfectly good relationship that I could be interpreting the wrong way. I’m just suggesting that you take a look at what she did objectively. Many of my friends have made the mistake of letting their idea of love get in the way of reality. Love is a powerful thing, but the idea of it is just as powerful. You get so caught up chasing it that you don’t stop and consider that maybe you’re not actually in love. You just want to be  _in love_  that badly that you think you are. So I have to ask you. Do you love her? Does she love you?”

He felt confused. Completely and utterly confused. He was in love with Yifan, wasn’t he? Yifan could be unreasonable at times, but he always made up for it. He gave so much more attention to him than he ever could have expected. But he also demanded attention, probably stole his phone, demanded that he didn’t speak with his friends. Mi gave him some time to collect his thoughts, but after a few minutes had passed and he still hadn’t spoken she spoke again.

“You have a lot of thinking to do. I’ll leave you to it.” She gave him a reassuring pat on the leg before standing up and walking away. He was glad that the day’s rounds of shooting were already over, or else he’d be a walking zombie instead of a capable actor during the takes. The ride home was fettered with the dilemma Mi forced him to face head on.

Walking in was a challenge, but he resolved to observe Yifan as objectively as he could like Mi asked just to see what his feelings were really like. Yifan was on the decidedly sweeter mood, giving him hugs and kisses that he didn’t really reciprocate. After about the fourth or fifth deflected advance Yifan started worrying.

“Did something happen at work?”

“You could say that.”

“Well, what happened?”

“Nothing. I was just thinking about a lot of things.”

“Oh. Well, do you want to do something fun?”

“Not in the mood.”

“I mean  _fun_  fun.”

“And  _I_  meant not in the mood.”

“But I’m going to be shooting tomorrow, you’re going to be shooting tomorrow, we both probably won’t see eachother for a while. C’mon.”

He rolled his eyes and hugged Yifan, clicking his tongue when he felt his boyfriend’s hands go straight for his ass. “I sincerely hope you’re not expecting me to jump and let me carry you again.”

“Then we’ll just walk up.”

“If I go to the bedroom now, it’ll be to sleep. Not to sleep with you.”

“Come on, pleeeease? I bought you a phone when you lost yours.”

“For the last time, no.”

“Alright. Fine. You know where to find me if you change your mind.”

Luhan had absolutely no intention of changing his mind nor finding Yifan for a little while, but nodded nonetheless. He did his usual routine of posting to Weibo, watching TV and reading his script, though with much less effort since most of his thoughts were devoted to figuring out his feelings. That in of itself was irritating, but the most irritating bit of all was that he still couldn’t come to any conclusion.

It was so easy to just let go, to stop thinking about it, to just continue as usual. It felt wrong dropping the issue but he was going absolutely nowhere with it, so it seemed to be pointless. He settled for a tentative yes to get some sleep and steadily returned to his usual schedule, waiting for the time that Mi would come again and ask him the question. Except… she didn’t. She avoided the topic entirely, as if the very concept of it was foreign to her. Luhan just attributed it to her not wanting to play an active part within his love life in case something went wrong and he respected that.

The tentative yes that he internalized started influencing how he saw Yifan, to the point where he figured that their relationship wasn’t as strong as it could be simply because he wasn’t trying hard enough. He still kept his pride about him, his overall brashness and strong opinions, but he changed a few small things to improve the relationship. His efforts actually had some tangible effect, seeing as his boyfriend started to smile a lot more and his occasional 6 hour long absences became more of a rarity. He changed a good amount about himself to find that Yifan always had some sort of complaint no matter what, but he rationalized that as just a part of who Yifan was.

Even though he changed some of his habits to better his relationship with Yifan, he refused to get rid of one that Yifan had explicitly asked him to; speak with the EXO members. Even though he had no evidence that Yifan took his phone or that he was snooping around it, Luhan replaced all of their contacts, though now under different names, set in the section he reserved for coworkers. He understood why his boyfriend got so pissy, but he texted them anyway in an effort to talk with people who weren’t his boyfriend or his coworkers. When he thought about it, he was sure he’d slowly go insane if he did what Yifan asked, simply because he’d be starved for friendly human contact.

One day, however, his phone rang and he stared in absolute dread at the name. It was Sehun, but he explicitly told him not to call for reasons he hadn’t really explained too well since he didn’t want to identify Yifan as his new boyfriend. He turned the ringer all the way down and took a few steps out of the room to make sure Yifan wasn’t anywhere nearby. He shut the door behind him and took it off mute, answering immediately.

“I know you told me that I shouldn’t call you on this number, but this is a huge emergency.” Sehun sounded the worst he ever did, hoarse and anxious.

“What happened!? Are you hurt? Is anybody else hurt?”

“Tao’s talking about leaving. I thought he might have been thinking about it ever since he got that ankle injury, but now that his father posted on Weibo he’s sat us all down and told us that he’s going to leave. I don’t know if EXO could stay together. Not after three people leave.”

He instantly felt guilty for being part of the problem, but he shoved that guilt down as much as he possibly could and figured that he could at least try to help. “Put him on the phone.”

“Jongdae and Junmyeon are trying to get him to talk to-”

“Put him on the fucking phone!” He winced at how loudly he said it, though at this point he didn’t care if Yifan heard or not. They’d just have another disagreement, which, while annoying, would be a small price to pay to convince Tao to stay.

He kept the phone glued to his ear even when there was just a jumble of background noise as Sehun tried to get the phone over to Tao, but it paid off when Tao finally received the phone and chucked a quick “Hello” over.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Luhan? I think you already know what I’m doing.”

“You know what you’re doing but you’re not really thinking about it. EXO can’t afford another scandal like this.”

“Oh, look who’s talking.”

“Shut up. I thought you were the one who cared the most when Yifan left, but that was apparently a lie. I thought after we both left that you’d have some sense and see how bad of an idea it is.”

“It’s a bad idea? You’re acting with Yang Mi. Reloaded topped the charts. And you’re telling me that it’s a bad idea?”

“It’s a bad idea because it’s the most selfish thing I have ever done. I tried to throw all of you under the bus but Sehun stopped me from completely destroying EXO by being sensible. It’s not a cakewalk either. I may be acting with Yang Mi, but you know what most of my coworkers say behind my back? ‘He’s the one who abandoned EXO.’ ‘When you look at it, that lawsuit looks like a cover, doesn’t it?’ ‘I hope he isn’t going to abandon the project midway just like he did with them.’ Does that sound like something you want?”

“I’m sure you’re just exaggerating it. What am I supposed to say to my father? ‘You asked me to stop performing so I could heal but I won’t do it because I’m hurting a company.’”

“No, you idiot. You’re supposed to be worrying about your friends. The people you won’t be hurting aren’t some faceless organization. You were the one who told me not to mix up SM and EXO and here you are telling me that they’re one in the goddamn same! So forgive me if I’m pissed off about it!”

“Then what am I supposed to say, then? What would you say to your father?”

“I don’t speak to my father and you know that, but I’ll let that slide for now. I’d look him straight in the eyes and say that his opinion doesn’t matter. Because if I left then I’d regret it for the rest of my life, struggling to keep up with the family I abandoned. I’m still struggling. Even though I have Yifan around it isn’t enough. That’s why I love talking to you all. How am I supposed to cope when none of you are together anymore?”

“My departure isn’t going to break apart EXO.”

“How are you so sure of that, huh? How are you so sure that Sehun isn’t going to pack his bags and give up because so many members he thought he could trust gave up on him? And no matter how big the EXO fanbase is, I don’t think it can survive losing nearly all of its China line and Sehun.”

“Because…” He could hear Tao mumbling some swear or another.

“Exactly. If you can bear to crush Sehun’s spirit forever and break what I shouldn’t have left, then go ahead. You may act like you don’t care about a lot of things. But I know you.  You care too much. That’s why you try to push it all away so you don’t get hurt. That’s what I tried to do and it’s biting me in the ass. So stay.”

“If it’s that bad then why aren’t you trying to patch things up with SM?”

“Yifan… Yifan isn’t letting me.”

“Since when did you ever let anybody tell you what to do? Wait a minute.” Luhan nearly ended the call then, but if Tao went on a different tangent to what he expected it could be crucial. That and if he hung up now it’d just be suspicious. “Are you two dating?”

“Yes. Please don’t tell anyone else.”

“So that’s why you left in the first place. Maybe you weren’t as faithful as you claim.”

“Tao, I swear to god, think like that and I will personally gut you. We started dating  _after_  I left. I think I love him and I don’t want to break another heart. Sehun’s was more than enough. But I couldn’t live with myself knowing that Sehun could break down again. He’s too good for me. He’s too good for anyone. Stay.”

“I’ll think about it.”  _Click._

And that was it. He had no idea what Tao would do with what he said, especially the second part involving Yifan, but he had more pressing matters to attend to. Specifically the fact that Yifan had just stormed in. “Who were you talking to?”

“Tao.”

“I thought I told you-”

“That you didn’t want me talking to them. I know. I’m sorry.” Of course he wasn’t bloody sorry, but he knew how to lie through his teeth to satisfy Yifan. “But it was an emergency. He’s thinking of leaving EXO.”

“That’s none of your business. If he wants to leave EXO, then he should. What did you say to him?”

“What did you think I said?”

Yifan gave a heavy sigh before putting on a small frown. “Give me your phone.”

“Now you’re being ridiculous. I’m not giving it.”

“I bought it, so I should have every right to take it back.”

“What are you even going to do with it?”

“I’m going to look through your texts.”

“No. I’m not letting you do that. You’re my _boyfriend_ , not my dad.”

“I might as well be your father because you’re acting like a spoiled brat. I don’t know why I coddle you so much when you keep pissing me off like this. I love you, but if you keep throwing these tantrums I might change my mind. Just give me your phone and we’ll forget all about this, OK? This never happened.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

For a split second Luhan felt absolute fear as he saw Yifan raising his arm, fist clenched tightly, about to hit him. He wrenched his eyes shut and threw up his hands over his head to protect himself, only to find that there was no pain. He tentatively opened his eyes to see Yifan dropping the fist and walking away. He sounded dejected and drained when he spoke. “This never happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. This and the next chapter will be lead-ins for the decision I prompted since the very beginning. Big changes are coming~


	11. I want to hold onto you and ask you not to leave

For once in his life, Sehun wasn’t the complete and utter wreck of the group. He felt as if he were in the eye of the tornado, calmly watching the rest of the world bathed in chaos while he was untouched, free floating. All of the members except Tao were gathered in the communal room, but it was deathly silent, a sharp contrast to the usual noise machine that was their dorm. Although he wasn’t part of the group, he happened to sit nearby the China line members and naturally gravitated toward them simply because Minseok was there, and neither Jongin nor Junmyeon had anything to say.

He ended up observing all of their reactions, still in that dreamlike state that he struggled to snap out of. Yixing was openly crying just earlier but seemed to be half-asleep leaning on Jongdae’s shoulder, which goes to show how good of a comforter Jongdae was considering he looked as frazzled as everyone else. Minseok sat right next to Sehun, absolutely still, that wide smile he always had on completely absent. It was heartbreaking to see him sulking, let alone in the midst of an emotional crisis like that.

It took staring at Minseok’s pained face for him to come back down to Earth and he put an arm around him, drawing him in close and whispering into his ear. “Do you want to talk about it?” Minseok shook his head slightly. “Do you want to get something to eat?” Minseok’s eyes flickered to his before he gave a slight nod.

He patted Minseok’s back before grabbing his hand, uncaring of what the others thought even as they stared at them, and lead him outside. A few steps out of that room and he already felt much better, like some heavy weight was lifted from his chest and he could finally breathe. He could only hope that Minseok had the same feeling, but he didn’t stop until he made good on his offer. Without even telling him where they were going, he dragged the other boy around until he found a nice little restaurant that he remembered Luhan went to.

Luhan had this nice little of habit of going out with Yixing and buying food for the other members; he had done this so often that Sehun remembered what he got for Minseok and where it was despite not having much interest at the time. He took it on himself to order for both of them and sent the other off to find a table. Order complete, he easily found the table to sit at since Minseok was the only one wearing a grey hoodie, resting his head heavily on his palm. He only budged when Sehun sat down with him. “What did you buy?”

“Wait a bit and you’ll see. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? You look pretty affected.”

“What’s left to talk about? He’s a fully grown person who can make decisions by himself.” He rubbed at his face languidly. “Do I look bad?”

“You never look bad. You do look a bit rough, though.”

“I haven’t felt this bad since Yifan and Luhan left.”

“I don’t mean to question your sincerity or whatever, but you didn’t seem too torn up when Luhan was leaving.”

“Are you kidding me? How could  _I_  afford to be sad when you were dealing with a break-up on top of him leaving? I felt like whatever I was feeling was three times worse for you, so I tried my best to help you. Now that I think about it, though, I think that part of why I tried to help you so much was because I was trying not to think about it.”

“It was the worst feeling of my life. But even though it was really bad I don’t think you should have invalidated your feelings for my sake. It’s healthier for you to experience them.”

“I guess.”

The waitress brought over their food and shot them a shifty glance and he was afraid he’d have to deal with an EXO fangirl out in public, but she simply put down the food and left without incident. Minseok, on the other hand, was far more focused on the food, eyes wide and mouth open as he looked at it. Sehun bought jjinppang-mandu and kimchi jjigae, thankful that he remembered what Minseok loved since it was far less obvious than his own love for bubble tea.

“Your food’s here.”

“Wha- Wait, where’s your food?”

“Didn’t order. Not hungry.”

“Well, OK, but I never told you what my favorite foods were. Who did you ask?”

“I didn’t have to ask this time around.” He didn’t want to ruin the good mood by mentioning Luhan, since the name alone could remind him of Tao’s possible departure. “I actually remembered when others bought food for you. I don’t go deaf as soon as I drink bubble tea.” He laughed and tried his best to imitate Minseok. “You got this for me? Ah, I’ll have to buy you something in return.”

“You could do a better imitation.”

“It’s a work-in-progress.”

Sehun purposefully steered the conversation to lighter topics as Minseok ate and before long they were grinning and laughing together and that smile on that adorably round face warmed Sehun’s heart right up. Minseok finished everything succinctly and Sehun prepared to leave, only for Minseok to clear his throat. The smile he was admiring was gone again, replaced with utter seriousness. “Wait. I have to say something before we go.”

“Yeah?”

“Sehun, you’re a really good person. Not a lot of people seem to realize it, but you’re one of the best people I’ve ever known.”

“Thanks?” He raised an eyebrow, sensing that this wasn’t the main idea Minseok was trying to put across.

“I have to do this now before I regret it.” Minseok took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. “I think we should take a break. From this relationship we’ve had going on. You’re too good for me.”

“What are you talking about?  _You’re_  too good for me, not the other way around.” Something like a lump formed at the back of Sehun’s throat as he realized he wasn’t really affected by the breaking off of what was effectively his relationship with Minseok. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about the other boy, it’s just that there wasn’t any real change since all that they ever did together under the pretense of fuckbuddies were three or four bouts of sex, and only three of them moved past a blowjob. Most of their skinship stemmed from mostly platonic happenings because, well, they weren’t actually dating.

“You don’t understand. I’m not sure if I’ll ever explain it to you, but… I’m sorry.”

“It’s not that I’m angry at you or anything, I just want to know why you’re saying this now.”

“I hate leading people on even if I didn’t really mean to with you. I don’t know if I can live with myself if I tell you why. You understand, right? You’re taking this remarkably well.”

He gave a small shrug. “Don’t force yourself to do anything. Um, if I were to try to explain it, I don’t think  _you’d_  understand it. I mean, I could try.”

“At least you can try at all. Let’s hear it.”

"Weeeell… it’s not like we did much when we were, y’know.” He looked around just to see if anybody would overhear. “Fuckbuddies.”

Minseok’s face got incredibly red and Sehun walked away quickly even though he knew the person he was running from wasn’t prone to violence. He just didn’t want to take the chance. When Minseok caught up to him and only gave him a small punch and a “Don’t say that in public!” he rolled his eyes.

In a way getting rid of the label actually made their relationship clearer, since Sehun was pretty sure by this point that they’d never go on to being boyfriends, but it also raised several questions such as: were they ever really past friends, even when they slept with eachother?

He had no idea.

As the days went by a new part of his regular schedule emerged: a daily talk with Luhan over video call. It was a great feeling to see Luhan and speak openly with him again instead of just sneaking around and texting. Luhan had just explained the phone incident he had with Yifan, which was pretty shocking considering he never thought of Yifan as someone particularly unreasonable. “It’s a bit ridiculous how he tried to stop you just because he bought you a new phone.”

“I know, right?” Luhan was in the middle of eating some rainbow popcorn that he insisted he cooked himself, something Sehun doubted slightly because he remembered Luhan barely being able to cook anything when they were dating. Sehun was starting to think he actually enjoyed watching other people eat, or that might just be him liking the faces of the people he likes during eating? It was weird. “I’m almost afraid I’ll have to do something to make sure he doesn’t freak out again, but I’d do anything if I could do this. I hate being sneaky. It’s much better if you can just do the thing you want without all this hiding BS.”

“I’m sure he means the best for you.”

“Yeah, probably not. He’s an asshole sometimes.”

“Didn’t say he wasn’t. He probably means the best but he has no idea what’s actually good for you.”

“Point taken. You’re getting a lot smarter.”

“Are you implying that I was dumb before?”

“Touchier, too. Take the compliment. No double-sided meanings here.”

“Nice cooking skills.”

“Oh my god, I told you I actually did make this. They don’t exactly sell rainbow popcorn on shelves. I followed a recipe and everything.”

“Take the compliment.”

“You’re a bastard.”

“And you’re cute when you’re angry.”

“Implying that I’m angry.”

“So you agree that you’re cute when you’re angry.” They stared at eachother for a bit before Luhan backed down and nodded, giggling a little bit.

“You got a lot better at this. I’m proud.”

“What can I say? I had to hang around Jongin and Chanyeol a bit more than I usually do because I’m still trying to figure out a way to approach SM with the idea. How do you even do that? Like ‘Hey, I have a brand new idea that might end up backfiring horribly’?”

“I know that’s a joke but I imagined you saying that with the most serious face ever and it’s cracking me up. But in all seriousness, the entire group needs to really rally together and approach as one to pitch the idea. You’d be taken more seriously.”

“Yeah, well, that’s the entire problem.” He sighed and scratched the back of his head. “I don’t want to think that we’re going to have to do this without Tao, but at this point I think it’s only reasonable to start thinking of what to do just in case he does leave.”

“I told him what I thought. If he’s still willing to proceed after what I told him, then he’s less humane than I thought he’d be. Plain and simple.”

“I hope so. I’m more worried about Minseok, honestly. None of us deserve to be hurt, but some of us deserve to be hurt even less. Doesn’t make sense but whatever. You, me, Minseok.”

“That’s just a nice way of saying that you like people a little bit more.”

“At least it’s nice.”

“More like unwilling to take the blame.”

“Even though I like to call this group a family I’m allowed to have favorites, you know.”

“Duh. Wasn’t saying that you couldn’t. You’re my favorite. Though I’m sure I’m everyone’s favorite.”

“Your ego really hasn’t deflated at all, huh?”

“Nope!”

One way or another their conversation shifted toward what they’ve each been doing, more regular fare, but Sehun found himself amazed when he heard that Luhan had the privilege of acting with Yang Mi, someone who was such a successful actor despite being relatively young when most established female actors were much older. It made his experience acting on EXO Next Door with Moon Ga-young- well, not entirely irrelevant, but a lot less satisfactory.

“What was she like?”

“A lot less stuck-up than I expected. Usually when people get that big they let their fame get to their head and they start thinking they’re better than other people. I can already feel you about to say something, but no, I’m not the same. As much as I like to claim I am, I’m not better than a lot of people. I’m pretty handsome, but you’re a much better dancer, Jongdae has better vocals, Junmyeon is the manliest out of all of us. Things like that.”

“You watched EXO Next Door yet?”

“Of course.”

“Then who’s the best actor?”

“I am. Obviously.”

“Right. Forget I asked. Tell me more about Yang Mi. Are you friends now? Since she isn’t as stuck-up as you expected?”

“Not quite friends. I think she sees me like a child. Not in a bad way, just really inexperienced, which I am. Doesn’t bother me at all since I look up to her like a mother figure. So I guess acquaintances?”

“I have no idea what to call it.”

“Well, whatever it is, it’s nice that I can talk to her at all. She’s the first actress I’ve worked with that I actually felt comfortable speaking to. It’s so annoying when people talk about what I did behind my back. They don’t even know me. And while I was a total idiot for leaving that doesn’t give them the right to judge.”

“People in general have low self esteems so they take it out on other people they don’t know. Some people hate us only because we’re famous, so they think we’re ‘talentless’ or something. Like we didn’t train for years before we even got a chance to sing a single song of our own.”

Luhan reached into his bowl and groaned. “I’m almost out of popcorn.”

“I should be practicing on my part. I don’t think I should be slacking off too much.”

“You’re coming to China, right? May 30th?”

“Shanghai, specifically. Why do you ask?”

“No particular reason. Don’t worry about it. That’s the date you’re going to perform, right? What day are you going to fly over?”

“I don’t know. 25th?”

“Alright. I’m gonna make more popcorn.”

“Don’t you have a script to memorize?”

“I can do both.”

“Try not to get salt on your script.”

Sehun found himself in the middle of the dance room a good while after the call, flat on his back, legs spread wide, each leg held by Junmyeon and Chanyeol.

“A-a-ah stop! Stop!”

He was breathing hard, regretting every second of exercising yesterday without properly stretching. His legs were on fire and Chanyeol seemed to still be slowly raising the leg he held, the bastard.

“Sehun, just because you’re more flexible than the rest of us doesn’t mean you don’t have to stretch.” He knew his anger was irrational and spurred mostly by the pain, but he really hated Junmyeon’s tone.

“I am well aware of that. Please let go of my legs before I have to use a wheelchair.” His legs were released and he immediately rolled over to his side and brought his knees up to his chest, fully going into the fetal position. “If you ever see me going to work out, please remind me to stretch. Oh my god.”

Chanyeol laughed derisively at him before stooping and patting his leg. “It’s not that bad. How do you dance so well when your legs can only go that far?”

Before Sehun could snap back at Chanyeol and say something he’d regret, Junmyeon patted Chanyeol’s back and stepped in. “Chanyeol, you’re up next.”

Suddenly it was Chanyeol’s turn to be making up excuses and for Sehun to start laughing. “I don’t really need that, right? Sehun only needed that because it’d be too painful for him to dance without it. I don’t need it.”

“The entire point of us meeting up was to help you with dancing. It’s not your strongest suit but it’s not that bad either. But it’ll go a long way. I’m not the best at dancing either, so it’ll be a good learning experience. Ideally Jongin should also be here, but I have no idea where he is. Go figure. We’ll be learning from Sehun.”

“I get all of that, but what does that have to do with me having to stretch too?”

“Because Sehun and I already stretched when you haven’t. I know exactly how this conversation is going to play out, so would you rather have pain tomorrow and have to stretch like Sehun did, or just stretch now and not have to do it again tomorrow?”

“Ugh, fine. Let’s get this over with.”

Chanyeol laid down next to Sehun, who got up on shaky knees and gladly started raising Chanyeol’s right leg. Junmyeon took his position with the opposite leg and they both started pulling. They had barely gotten anywhere when Chanyeol was already asking them to stop.

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this stop stop stop!” Sehun laughed softly while Junmyeon looked at him with suspicion. “I’m serious. This is going to kill me.”

“…Right.” Junmyeon kept lowering his leg so Sehun followed suit, only stopping when Chanyeol stopped complaining and made a yelp that sounded genuine. “Still sub-par. You should do this more often so you’re less likely to get hurt while dancing.”

“Or so that you can do a split.” Sehun cheekily suggested and received a glare in response. “None of us can do a split, so you’d be known as the most flexible member of EXO! …If you can do that, that is. Right now I don’t think there’s much hope.”

“Are we done yet? Let’s get to dancing. I’ll hate myself less.” Chanyeol was over the entire situation, covering his face with his hands.

“Whatever you say.”

It took them a while to set everything up since Junmyeon insisted on recording this session despite Chanyeol’s objections and Sehun’s thought that they would never do anything with the recording. They went through some of their most popular songs first because that’s what most people would be watching even if they weren’t particularly interested in EXO. Chanyeol did really well on some songs, badly on others, and Sehun made sure to correct him each time he did something wrong. Junmyeon, on the other hand, seemed to hover around the middle, not really standing out in one respect or the other.

After they exhausted the usual song list Sehun targeted some specific moves that both of his students were weak on. All of them went smoothly except for one particular move that Chanyeol was especially weak with.

“Alright, we’re going to do the body roll next.”

He could already hear Chanyeol groaning, but he carried on nonetheless. Staring at the mirror, he could easily track the movement from both his own body and Junmyeon’s, but while Chanyeol’s chest stuck out, his pelvis barely moved.

“Junmyeon, you can take a break. Chanyeol, do it again.” Sehun stood next to Chanyeol to scrutinize while Junmyeon went off to get his bottle of water. When Chanyeol tried the body roll again, there was the exact same problem he saw earlier. “OK, it’s not going out as much as it should be. Try to thrust your hips out more.” He could only blink in disbelief when he saw him moving the entirety of his torso forward.

“Did I do it?”

“Not even close.”

Sehun tried his best to instruct him, but eventually he lost his patience and put his hands on Chanyeol’s chest and butt unabashedly, for which he received a death glare. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Trying to fix what you’re doing wrong.”

“And this is the only way you can do that?”

Junmyeon piped up from the back. “At this point, I think it’s the only way.”

Sehun gave a smug smile to Chanyeol’s eye roll and pushed him into the right position, guiding his body through the motions. After about four or five times Sehun let go and gave a cheer when Chanyeol finally executed the perfect body roll. He rubbed his hands together before wiping the sweat from his forehead. “I think that’s enough for today.”

He felt tired after all that dancing, but he got an entirely new burst of energy from adrenaline when Baekhyun came in with news.

“Negotiations between SM and Tao are over!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter before the decision. A whole lot of buildup and reference will pay off next chapter. Thanks for all the attention you guys have been giving, by the way. Encourages me to challenge myself while writing things I love.


	12. If your heart can be at rest

Luhan knew he’d have to pay for that phone argument one way or another, so he wasn’t at all surprised when Yifan approached him with his regular proposition, but with a toy they haven’t used yet. The item in question was a pair of handcuffs, leather, capable of being locked. Luhan hadn’t agreed to its use beforehand because he was afraid of 1. Yifan losing the keys and 2. marks left on his wrists afterward. Only after Yifan demonstrated that he had three separate keys that could each individually unlock the cuffs and he explained how it was just blood circulation making the red marks, Luhan gave his permission.

Yifan didn’t bother with foreplay like he usually did, and when asked about it just explained that what he had in mind would make up for the lack of buildup. They both stripped at the beginning, something Luhan actually appreciated because it was such a boner killer waiting for Yifan to take off all of his clothes. He followed Yifan’s instruction and laid down on the bed, watching carefully as Yifan cuffed his left hand before feeding the cuffs through one of the spaces between spokes in the headboard and cuffing his remaining hand. Luhan gave it a few experimental tugs even before Yifan asked the question.

“Is it OK?”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s cutting off anything.”

“Good. Keep in mind you might hurt yourself if you tug too hard on it, so try to relax. If you can.”

“Got it.”

“You’re going to feel so good.”

“Do I need a safeword?”

“You know about those kinds of things? You’re less innocent than you look.”

“That’s what I keep trying to tell people. You didn’t answer the question.”

“I don’t think we’ll need one, but make one up just in case.”

“How about ‘bubble tea’?”

“Whatever floats your boat.”

The next piece to go on was the blindfold, which combined with his hands cuffed above his head kickstarted the feeling of anticipation and heightened his senses so that he could only either focus on the sheets underneath him or the leather around his wrists. He could still hear Yifan padding around for a few seconds, but soon enough the room fell silent and fear started creeping into him. He wouldn’t put it past Yifan to be unreasonable and leave him there, blindfolded, embarrassed and thoroughly unsatisfied. He could only hope that Yifan had some sense of responsibility. He just had to wait.

And wait.

OK, this was taking far too long for Luhan’s taste. He tried to reach down to take off the blindfold only for his wrists to run right into resistance. Right. That was the problem in the first place. Looks like there was only one thing he could do. “Yifan? Are you still there?”

He made an embarrassingly girlish noise as he felt something hot and wet on his nipple. Despite having just demonstrated to himself that he couldn’t reach down he tried to anyway just on reflex and he groaned as the cuff dug ever so slightly into his wrist. Luhan soon figured out that the thing on his nipple was Yifan’s tongue, a giveaway since he could hear Yifan’s laughter near his chest, and it definitely wasn’t big enough to be his dick. Yifan wasn’t satisfied with just one lick, though, he gave short laps, licked long stripes, traced around it, and Luhan had yet another erogeneous zone to add to his list. Yifan gave the other nipple largely the same treatment, though at the end he added in a little nip. Since Luhan was blindfolded, wasn’t expecting it anyway and was still riding the pleasurable feeling, that little bite was enough to have him straining against the cuffs again. It was embarrassing how fast his dick was hardening in response to that.

Luhan was forced to wait again when Yifan moved away once more. If he had to keep talking to encourage his boyfriend to continue it would be very grating, but it turns out he didn’t have to do that since Yifan was in the middle of ripping out a piece of- tape?

“Is that tape?”

“Yeah. I know how much you liked these the first time I tried them on you. I’ll set it… nice and slow for now.”

He could feel something like a small egg nestled right on top of his left nipple, which was taped firmly down afterward. He had a sneaking suspicion of what they were when the other one was taped down, which was confirmed when they started vibrating softly. It was one of the weirdest sensations he ever felt in his life and he struggled to find comparisons between the two and failed since he couldn’t stretch his mind far enough to see anything similar to a vibrator on your nipple. Although he was already rock hard the soft hum on his chest was enough to make sure that he stayed hard while Yifan was busy doing something else.

As he was just getting adjusted to the vibrators he felt the usual cold, lube-drizzled finger poking at his hole, but Yifan went straight for two fingers and the stretch he felt was almost unbearable. He threw his head to the side when Yifan slid the two farther and he had to fight against all of his reflexes to not clench down and make it harder for himself. As usual, though, the pain started to mingle with the pleasure, urged on by the vibrators, and he could no longer really tell whether he was moaning out of either. He nearly asked for Yifan to continue when the fingers inside of him slid out, but he was glad that he had enough self-control to not have done that.

Even with proper stretching he screamed when Yifan stuck a dildo deep within him, which also happened to be capable of vibrating. Of fucking course. His scream dropped into a low moan when it started vibrating, only to hike right back up into a loud scream when it felt like Yifan cranked the setting up to max. “Y-Y-Yifan!” He could barely say anything when the dildo was nestled right against his prostate and shaking so hard he was afraid it’d tear something. “Slower! Sloweeeer!”

The shaking within him slowed down and he only then realized that his back was arched and the cuffs were almost taut against his wrists with how badly he was affected. He let out a deep breath and relaxed as well as he could. Just a few seconds more and he probably would have come then and there, without Yifan having touched him for the majority of the session.

The dread he felt when he thought Yifan left him was back in full force, though it was because of an entirely different reason. Instead of silence like earlier, there was something humming, though it was definitely not a sex toy. His phone was ringing. “Who is it!? Check who it is!” His heart was going a mile a minute, and the fact that the fucking vibrators were still on wasn’t helping.

To add on to the horror, instead of telling him who it was, he heard a ‘click’ and Yifan’s voice. The bastard actually answered the phone call. “Yeah? Yeah, it’s me. I was closer to his phone. No, it’s not a bad time. Here- I’ll hand the phone over to him.”

“Yifan, don’t even think about it-” He felt the phone pressed to his ear and felt the blindfold come loose, seeing Yifan back in his pants and undershirt, complete with a huge scowl. Oh, he was so screwed. Yifan could do literally anything he wanted and Luhan would be helpless to stop it, and at the moment he really wanted him to talk to whoever it was. “Hello?”

“Luhan? Thank god you’re on. There’s some really important news-”

“Hahaha, yeah, I’ll hear it from you la-” He shrieked as the vibrator in his ass turned on and he had to deal with the cacophony of pleasure from his lower section, embarrassment in his cheeks and the anger he felt in his head. He mouthed ‘Stop’ to Yifan, who only shrugged and annoyingly added his voice in after he switched the phone to speaker.

“What are you talking about? You’re not busy at all. I’m sure you’d prefer to talk to Sehun.” Yifan was seething at this point and it was clear that he had never gotten over his talks with Sehun. Being there in that moment, so angry, so embarrassed, so utterly _humiliated_ , it finally clicked. He didn’t really love Yifan. Just like Yang Mi had said, he was so foolish trying to look for love and replace the one he lost that he came to the wrong person. All of the ugliness of the past year or so spent with him rolled into his head as easily as the tears rolled down his cheeks as he started crying violently, arms weakly tugging at the restraints. His vision was blurry but he could still see the fucking outline of those cuffs and Yifan’s shitty face and he finally remembered the word.

“BUBBLE TEA! GET THESE FUCKING OFF OF ME!” He screamed as loudly as possible, uncaring of what Yifan, Sehun and the neighbors thought, all primal instinct now. Even though he saw Yifan walking away silently to get the keys with some signs of regret on his face, he didn’t care, he was just squirming and crying and tugging with all his might, his wrists be damned. He only slowed down when Yifan was unlocking the cuffs, but as soon as he was free he was determined to break all hell loose. He yanked the sex toys out and off of him as fast as possible, throwing them hard on the floor. He stomped right up to Yifan and screamed in his face. “How could you do this to me!?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

“STOP FUCKING LYING!” He rubbed at his eyes vigorously, trying to clear his vision as much as possible. When he did, he grabbed the phone out of Yifan’s hand and threw it on the floor too, jumping on it all in the name of mindless violence, getting all of the anger out on the phone instead of hitting Yifan, which he really, _really_ wanted to do.

Yifan could only stare at him in bewilderment and regret as he hastily put his clothes back on and stormed out. He had no idea where he was going, but he could hear Yifan following, so he decided to go to the one place he could have some sort of solace since it was one of the few closed rooms in Yifan’s open-space building; the guest room he scouted out he found near the beginning of his stay. He slammed the door behind him and locked it, unceremoniously dropping onto the bed in what must have looked like a broken heap. He didn’t know what felt worse, the breakdown he had over leaving the perfection that was Sehun, or the breakdown he was having now when he realized that he chose the complete wrong person as his replacement.

He wanted nothing more than to just melt into the bed or close his eyes and just not exist, but he couldn’t even do that because Yifan was knocking on his door and speaking. Right now the words he heard sounded like nothing more than nonsense and he took it as such. How was he supposed to trust anything that Yifan had to say after that horrible event? “Go away.” When Yifan tried to speak even more, Luhan answered with an even louder ‘Go away’ until the prick actually followed the order. After the violent outburst he had earlier, he just wanted to rest and forget all of this ever happened. He succeeded at the rest part.

The forgetting, not so much. When he woke up the room was suffocating, simply because it was one of the rooms that he associated to Yifan. If he stared long enough at them he could imagine them falling, leaving him exposed for the world to see him in all his tarnished lack of glory. He decided that he should take a shower, but when he got in there he mostly sat naked under the spray, knees up to his chest, head resting on his knees, somehow becoming one with emptiness. He could move here and there, but he felt as if it wasn’t really him in charge and after he watched his fingers with something like childlike fascination as they pruned up, he knew he had to get out of that shower. When he dried himself off, though, stuck in the confines of the room, he had nothing other than the TV to tide him through the boredom until he figured out what he would do.

A few hours later he heard the knocking at his door again and he slowly looked at it, unwilling to answer. Yifan apparently didn’t expect one since he started talking immediately, muffled through the door. “Luhan, I don’t know what came over me. I know I don’t deserve any of your forgiveness, but I just hope that you find it within yourself to forgive me.” He slunk off of the bed and sat down in front of the door. “I’m going to a shoot. Take care of yourself. That’s all I ask.”

He heard Yifan’s steps slowly fade away and after a few minutes of them being out of earshot, he opened the door and slipped outside. He carefully checked all of the rooms, confirming that Yifan had indeed told the truth and had left. Welp, if there was any opportunity to be had it was now. He ran as quickly as he could to his room and gathered all of his belongings, taking some time to pack and segregate them properly, but otherwise wasting no time, frantically getting everything that he could possibly lay claim to. He threw on a turtleneck and a hat to make it less likely he’d be recognized while he ventured outside. Once he was sure he got everything, he got a taxi and rode all the way to the airport.

He imagined how this whole thing would go down; Yifan would arrive and see him somewhere at the airport, but it’s too late and the plane would have arrived. He’d look him straight in the eyes and explain everything he ever did wrong in their relationship and leave him speechless and humiliated. He’d feel satisfied and fly with all of the confidence he ever had.

What a joke.

He scrapped the idea when he bought the tickets for first class and went through the entire process until he found himself at the gate. Life wasn’t like that. Life wasn’t about unnecessary drama or being satisfying or book ends or whatever. It was just random. In all likelihood Yifan would never show up at the airport, they wouldn’t speak anymore, and both of them would carry on with their lives, but with the knowledge that that was one of the worst relationships that could have happened. As he was looking through the window from the airplane as it ascended into the sky without having seen or heard anything about Yifan, he knew that he made the right decision, even if it wasn’t necessarily the most satisfying or dramatic one.

Besides, he had a huge headache to deal with, namely what he was even going to be doing in Seoul. He could potentially live off being an actor even there in Korea, but it felt like just falling into the same trap he just crawled out of. Even if he never acted in a movie with Yifan he felt like people would make comparisons between the two of them regardless, simply because they were the two former members of actors who had both gone straight into acting. He knew he liked acting a lot, but the majority of his coworkers were horrible on top of the fact that it associated him with his now ex-boyfriend. He couldn’t pursue it, at least not for a while. He was glad that the production cycle including him for The Witness was done for now, or else he’d have to explain to Yang Mi why he suddenly disappeared.

There really was only one option he could take. He had to patch things up with SM, plain and simple. There was a problem even with that. The talks were likely to go on for a long time and he had no place to stay. He refused to stay with his parents for obvious reasons, but the only other remotely plausible place was his old dorm, when he was still performing as part of EXO. Maybe it was a step in the right direction, maybe it was another bad decision. He couldn’t tell, but soon enough he was knocking on the door, looking and feeling completely awkward, because the last time he was here all of the EXO members were watching him leave them behind cruelly. He was prepared to do anything to be allowed back inside, apologize to everybody, do whatever they wanted him to do, pay for whatever, simply because he didn’t see himself capable of doing anything past returning to the idol life.

What he wasn’t prepared for was Sehun answering the door.

All of his repressed feelings for him came back like a flash flood, drowning all of his common sense and dignity. He dropped the bag he was holding out of his hands and hugged Sehun, sobbing pathetically into the crook of his neck. His tears only came harder and faster when Sehun hugged him back, patting him. No words were said but he already understood that Sehun had already taken back even if no one else would.

Sehun kept his grip much better than he did and spoke with a gentle but firm tone. “What happened, Lu?”

“Everything. Everything was a mistake. I can’t believe I thought that it was a good idea. I had days to try to reverse what I did but I went ahead with the lawsuit like a fucking idiot. I thought he was the one, I thought he could replace you-”

“He?”

“Yifan. I dated Yifan for a while but it was all just one big mistake that started ever since I left you. I don’t have anything left. I don’t think I can stomach acting when I know that Yifan was the one who encouraged me to do it. I’m going to try to rejoin EXO and more importantly, I want to get back with you. I’ve missed you every single day I wasn’t with you.” He just couldn’t stop the word vomit, letting all of his thoughts and feelings out in one continuous stream of thought that was mainly apologies, calling himself an idiot and begging for Sehun to take him back.

His heart sank when Sehun looked as impassive as ever, only for it to skyrocket when Sehun lifted his chin and started kissing him. Momentary flashes of Yifan’s amorous advances made him stock-still against the kiss, but they were soon wiped out by the memories of past kisses he and his true love shared together and suddenly everything seemed right again. The kiss was incredibly chaste, different to Yifan’s in every way, and was far more genuine. They carried on kissing even when he heard the rest of the members assembling behind Sehun, watching what went on.

When they broke off Sehun proudly ushered him in and stood beside him, presenting him to the rest of the members without any fear. It was just like the first time they came out to the members, bathed in this inner fear that they wouldn’t accept but filled with the determination to carry their idea out even if everybody else didn’t approve. The roles were switched now, Sehun being the confident one and him being the more demure one, but he didn’t care at all. All that mattered was that they were together again. He corrected his earlier thoughts: sometimes life did give fairy tale endings, it just gave them out randomly.

“I’m back, everybody.”

There was some apprehension, but any hesitation was broken when Minseok came forward and wrapped Luhan in a big hug, his only comment being “Never leave us again.” Everybody piled in for a group hug and Luhan never felt more loved. He craved attention, actively sought it out, and he realized what Yifan was doing all that time. He deliberately made it so that all of his attention was focused on Yifan, to make him dependent on Yifan’s opinions and validations. Never again.

When he was done being suffocated by the bodies of 9 people, he noticed the absence of one of the members he was looking forward to seeing the most, Tao. He just had to ask. “Where’s Tao?”

“He’s still at SM Headquarters. They said that they’ve finished the negotiations but they haven’t told us or anyone else what they decided on.” Of course Junmyeon would be the one to know, being the most responsible as the leader.

“We need to go there, then.”

“What? Now?” Baekhyun interjected.

“Yes, now, before it’s too late. It’s either we go in there and find that he chose to stay, or we go there and _make_ him stay. I’m not about to let him come crying to the doorstep like I just did. Do I look bad?”

“Not really.”

“Good enough for me. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gasp, a chapter with absolutely no breaks or tangents? Am I reading the same fanfiction? Just kidding.  
> So we finally come to the decision, and Luhan's back with EXO. Hopefully I didn't make it too obvious that it was heading into this direction, but I wanted Luhan in particular to have a concrete reason for leaving just past wanting to get back with Sehun.  
> This chapter in particular was probably the one I was most looking forward to and most excited during the writing. The majority of the ideas I had from the very beginning were finally explored and put into words, all thanks to the people who gave me the encouragement to do so, the readers. This is the first time I've even gotten to a major plot point with fanfiction because oftentimes I let it fall to the wayside. Needless to say I was particularly passionate for this project for several reasons.  
> There's still a lot more to go, don't you worry. I have lots of plans with the newly reunited EXO since I can now focus on the group instead of constantly switching from Korea to China, K-Pop to acting. Expect some interactions with other groups whose names will be joining the Red Velvet girls in the tags.


	13. I'll give it my all

There were so many things Sehun wanted to say, to ask, to understand about what Luhan had been doing, but he knew the matter they were pursuing was the more important one, at least for now. They had barely gotten Luhan’s luggage into his room when they were going out in their full number to the SM building. Even with that knowledge in mind he barely thought about Tao and he could barely keep his eyes off of Luhan. He looked at all the ways his Lu had changed, like his sharper features and cheeks that were noticeably less puffy than he remembered. Once again it was like he was glued to him and everybody understood that, Junmyeon immediately counting them as a pair when they were trying to figure out how to divide the members. In the end he was sat in the middle of the backseat of Junmyeon’s car, Luhan on his right, Minseok on his left, Yixing in the front, Junmyeon driving.

He preferred this configuration a lot more than the eardrum splitting chaos that would probably be in the other car with Jongin, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Jongdae and the only reasonable one with that group, Kyungsoo. It definitely made his urge to stare at Luhan a lot easier. He could tell Luhan noticed about 5 seconds in, with everybody else noticing a little bit later, but he couldn’t help himself. He felt like if he blinked or looked away he would wake up and this would all be a dream and he’d still be confused, chasing after the not-relationship he had with Minseok. But each time Luhan shifted ever so slightly he knew that he was real, that he was here, and by god, he was gorgeous.

“Did you miss me that much?” Oh, how he had missed that light, angelic voice. It was so much better hearing it in person rather than through the phone. “Sehun? You’re spacing out, aren’t you?”

Blink. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Exactly. As much as I appreciate being stared at, you’re making everybody else uncomfortable.”

He looked over to see Minseok’s slightly embarrassed face, Yixing’s gaze averted to the window, and Junmyeon completely focused on the road. “Oh. Sorry about that. I’ll try not to do that.”

“Hey. I still want to see you like that when we’re  _not_  on our way to SM Headquarters.” Even Luhan’s lopsided smile was beautiful, but he had to pry his eyes away and twiddle his thumbs while waiting, if only to make it less awkward for the others. What made it all up was the familiar weight of Luhan’s head on his shoulder.

Soon after, though, they had to focus on the real task at hand, that being the issue of Tao. Despite having been there many times before, the SM building towered over them in a much more sinister way. It was supposed to be modern and beckoning, but it affected him in that the people inside had full control over what EXO was and would do, with the members of EXO themselves having the second opinion. Luhan didn’t seem fazed at all, though, so he followed his lead and put on a brave face.

There was understandably a huge commotion when Luhan stepped into the SM building, only aggravated by the fact that he was with some of the members of EXO, with the others tailing closely behind. Since most of the building was dedicated to offices, there weren’t that many people on the ground floor at this time, but those who did see stood off to the sidelines, or in the case of the receptionist, stood still and stared at the boys from her counter. Junmyeon thankfully explained the situation to the understandably concerned receptionist, and before long they were heading right through as if they had an appointment instead of literally coming in unannounced. Luhan was already walking at a blazingly fast speed, but as soon as Tao was in sight, waiting just outside of an office, Luhan broke into a full sprint that Sehun struggled to keep up with.

He had no idea what Luhan was thinking or what he was about to do, so he could only hang back and catch his breath when Luhan stopped. Luhan and Tao stared at eachother, Tao with shock and Luhan with grim seriousness. Luhan was the first to speak, just as Tao was pulling his headphones out.

“You better not be doing what I think you’re doing.”

“Wait, but how- when did you- No, why are you here?”

“Long story short I’m quitting acting for a while and I’m going to see if I can rejoin EXO right now. And now that I’m here with you I expect that you’ll follow my advice unless you want me to punch your face.”

“Slow down. What makes you think that I didn’t refuse to leave already?”

“Because you would have told me that and not sputtered around like you were more afraid than happy to see me. We have a lot to talk about. A lot. You, me, Sehun. But not right now. ”

“What about Yifan?”

“I left him. Both literally and figuratively. I don’t want to discuss it right now. I’m here to fix my mistake and make sure you don’t do the same thing. You’re talking to a representative, right? You’re going to walk in there right now and tell them that you’re not going to leave. And I’ll be right there with you. Begging for my spot back.”

“…Alright. I don’t know how much support you think I’ll be able to give you, but just as a headsup, I think SM needs more of an incentive for you to come back past just me staying and Sehun’s word.”

Luhan simply pointed to the assembled EXO members who were watching from the distance, all of whom were initially silent but burst into conversation when Luhan pointed. Tao conceded wordlessly and got up, but before they had a chance to go in there by themselves, Sehun stepped in with his own suggestion.

“I’m going with you, too. I… I have something to say to them.” He noticed Tao about to speak and quickly added something in. “No, it’s not the hip-hop group. It’s a much better idea, if I’m thinking about it correctly. Come on, let’s go in before whoever’s in there leaves and we miss our chance.”

There was a general murmur of agreement from the other two. Tao opened the door and strode in, immediately greeted by a female voice. “Mr. Huang, have you changed your mind?” For a few moments he could see the source of the voice, a prim and proper lady that reminded him of Yum Jung-ah. She had a perfectly styled bob, red lipstick and what looked like an a-line dress. The smile she wore was careful and practiced, one of those plastic smiles that had the mouth shaped correctly but carried no warmth whatsoever. Her smile dropped when she caught sight of Luhan, however. It never dipped below a barely polite straightness, but it was obvious she wanted to frown. “Mr. Han, Mr. Oh, with all due respect we are in the middle of a meeting. If you wish to discuss the lawsuit or the state of EXO, please wait until I and Mr. Huang have finished our discussions, and then we can speak.”

“No, they need to be here. I’ve changed my mind, but conditions have changed too. I’ll stay with EXO if you give me enough time to heal, more promotions, and… let Luhan rejoin EXO.”

She seemed to move her gaze over as slowly as possible over to Luhan, affixing that same plastic smile of hers back on. “I’m sure Mr. Han understands that, while the dropping of his lawsuit would be incredibly beneficial, he was the one who initiated it in the first place. As such, the relationship between LuHan Studio and SM is strained at best.”

“Well, I’m trying to fix it, aren’t I?” Luhan didn’t waste any time, looking completely unimpressed by the points the representative brought up, things Sehun would have had no answer for. “Even though I did mess things up in the first place, I have a much larger fanbase now. I have two fanbases, one for acting, the other for my work as a solo artist. If I come back now I’ll be leading both of them with me into EXO. Not all of them will transfer, but of course it’s still a sizable number.”

“As much as that may be true, your opinion may not be carried by the other members of EXO. Unless we can guarantee the agreement of each member, there’s a chance that your inclusion could lead to more problems.”

Sehun finally made his move, stepping back, toward the door. He was momentarily confused when he tried to open the door and felt something hitting it, but only rolled his eyes when he heard shuffling behind it. No doubt the others were listening in and they had the misfortune of being hit. As soon as he tried opening the door a second time and succeeded, the rest of the members spilled into the office. Needless to say the representative was shying away a little more, no longer the one with all of the power.

“Any objections to Luhan rejoining?” Tao asked cheekily. There was a brief chorus as each boy said their variation of ‘No’. Even though he was trying not to, Sehun ended up looking smug, alongside many of the other members, as the representative’s composure started to crack and glimpses of panic started emerging.

“You’ve proven your point. Err, I’d like to ask each person that wasn’t present at the beginning of this talk to please leave for the moment. For ease of conversation.” They all filtered out again and Sehun shut the door behind him. “I admire the camaderie and the support you have for eachother, but for practicality’s sake, I’d like to hear what you all have to say with regards to the divisions again. One of your complaints prevalent in the China line and with Mr. Oh in particular is the unfair distribution of lines and promotion. If we were to accept Mr. Han back into EXO, I’d like to hear how you’d solve that problem.”

When the forerunners of the arguments Luhan and Tao had nothing to say, the representative’s lips twitched back into a small smile. In truth, this was entirely what Sehun was thinking and talking about earlier when he said he wanted to say something. Now he had the perfect opportunity to share the idea he had for some time, and it fit much better than the original idea of a hip-hop group.

“We reform EXO-M.” Both Luhan and Tao whipped their heads when he started speaking, but he carried on despite both their uncertainties. “It’s true that there’s a problem with lines and promotions because the group is so big. So all we need to do is segregate ourselves into two units again. I already know what you’re thinking. We’re missing Kris. And so we are. All we need to do is find a replacement for him. And I’ve been thinking… since he was one of the rappers of EXO-M, I could replace him.” Luhan actually audibly gasped before he covered his mouth with his hands, and Tao more or less looked impressed. So far, so good. “Most of their complaints were about how you promoted the Korean members instead of them, so if I join in and get the usual amount of promotions while the others don’t get what they deserve again, not only will we notice, the fans will notice too. If I disappear from promotions because of being on the M line, the fans will notice that especially. And because I’ll be joining the subunit as a key member none of us will have any complaint with the lines anymore because we’ll be doing the Chinese version instead of fighting over both the Korean and Chinese versions with one big group.”

The representative looked just about done arguing and conceded by breaking her perfect posture and leaning back into her chair, reaching for the phone that was on her desk soon afterward. “Duly noted. I’ll say that I can’t guarantee anything, but the three of you make quite the compelling argument. I must also say that I can’t guarantee that Mr. Han will be promoted as well as the others in light of recent affairs, but if we do accept him, he should catch up quite soon.” Her words were all maybes and mights, but her tone leaked her true thoughts about the matter; most likely, the higher-ups were going to agree.

“I understand that.” Luhan nodded and grinned.

“You all may leave now. I have a few phonecalls to make.”

They started shuffling out, but Tao lagged behind only so that he could give one more smart quip, looking behind him as he paused in the doorway. “You better, unless you want two lawsuits and two missing members rather than a bigger and better group.”

They were swamped by the other members as soon as they came out. Each member was explaining a different facet of the event, but it was clear that nothing was really being explained efficiently since everybody was talking over eachother and it took Sehun clearing his throat to make everyone listen to him.

“I think we just solved all of the problems we’ve had in one conversation. Tao’s staying, Luhan’s rejoining, and I suggested that we split back up into EXO-M and EXO-K. And, to fill in the gaps, I said I’d switch over to EXO-M.” If the boys were loud earlier, they were definitely even louder when everybody just  _had_  to give their opinions on the entire situation, which were thankfully mostly positive. Chanyeol was the only one who was teasing him a bit, but his words were mostly drowned out by the noise. It took a slightly angry Junmyeon to shut them up and lead them all back to the car, which reminded him fully of a mom with way too many kids.

Even though the ride back to the dorm was largely the same with the relative silence, everybody was in a far better mood, even Tao, who usually hated squeezing into the backseat of a car. Junmyeon was the one to break the silence this time around.

“Even though it’s not official yet and you’re only going to be switching subunits, I wanted to say how proud I am of you. From the start I knew that even though you were the maknae you’d be one of the most mature people out of this entire group. And you’ve grown and matured just like I thought you would. “ Luhan snorted and Sehun shot a small glare, but Junmyeon ignored it. “I know you’ll do well with EXO-M, no matter what role you end up getting. Who knows? You might even become the leader.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Of course Tao was the one who had to disagree straight off the bat.

“I don’t know guys, Sehun can be responsible.” Minseok patted Sehun on the shoulder to further give his support.

“Sehun? Responsible? That’s like saying Jongin’s a better leader than Junmyeon or me being the replacement rapper for EXO-M.” There went Luhan again.

Sehun pouted and gave his best puppy eyes to Luhan. “You’re so mean.”

“And you’re not cute enough to pull off that look like I can.”

“You’re cute no matter what you do, so that should disqualify you.”

“Aww. At least I look cute while I’m being mean.”

“I don’t know if I can stand being in the same unit as these two.” Tao groaned and looked out of the window, which immediately triggered the mischievous sides in the couple. They started gushing all the more sickeningly to eachother, leaning closer to Tao, making him groan louder. They were going to have a lot of fun in the next few days.

There was still one more problem when they all reached the dorm again: rooming. It was a minor problem since Minseok resolved it quite easily, offering to stay with Yixing while Luhan took his place in Sehun’s room. Minseok’s departure from the room wasn’t as bad as he expected it to be. Despite having lived there, slept there and even had sex there Minseok had absolutely no objections to moving out, waving away all the concerns Sehun had, citing that it wasn’t ever really his bed since it was Junmyeon’s to begin with. He’d have to speak with Minseok one of these days to figure him out, but the biggest thing at the forefront of his mind was nothing other than his boyfriend.

When they got home from the SM building Luhan told him the whole story, repeating some information since they he already heard it over the phone, but with the additional information that he had been dating Yifan, they were in a completely different light. When Luhan finished Sehun immediately pulled him into a hug.

“I’m never going to do any of that to you.”

“You’re not capable of it. You’re too innocent. Too sweet.”

“Aren’t you usually the sweet and innocent one?”

“Not anymore I’m not. Not after all of that. Every time I even think about it I get sick in the stomach.”

“So don’t think about it. You don’t have to remember it. It’s over now. Focus on what makes you happy.”

“Yeah… Yeah, I guess so. Sorry for laughing at you when Junmyeon said you were mature. You’re a hell of a lot more mature than I’ll ever be.”

“Don’t you dare. You’re perfect the way you are. If you want to laugh at me, go ahead. I love you too much for me to get bothered by any of that.”

“Mm, and that’s why you’re my Sehunnie.”

“And that’s why you’re my Xia Lu.”

They devoted the next few days to reconnecting as much as possible, so the majority of their time was spent together in their room, doing whatever they felt like doing. Sehun was, for once, glad that he was more of a cold fish than a horny bastard, simply because he knew that Luhan would instantly reject any sexual advances and grow more distant with what he went through. Even though they were close and touching a lot his mind never drifted to those kinds of areas until much later, but he didn’t mind waiting at all. He’d let Luhan decide when he was ready for that again.

The moment of truth came when Junmyeon called for a meeting, letter in hand, looking about as excited as he’d ever been. Unlike usual everybody was expecting the news, so there were no stragglers this time around. When everybody was assembled the tension was palpable, almost as if everybody was holding their breath- probably because they actually were. Junmyeon cleared his throat and began reading.

“After careful consideration, we have agreed to the rejoining of member Luhan to EXO.” Instant cheering, with Sehun kissing Luhan on the cheek. “By reentering the SM company, he agrees to settlement outside of court and is required to give a portion of the money he earned while acting under the SM trademark to the company. Due to the ongoing schedules he will be joining the rest of the touring for EXO Planet #2 – The Exo’luxion but will not be promoted as much as the others, until the end of the tour, March 20th 2016. Proper promotion will begin from there.”

“Eh, I can deal with all of that.” Luhan shrugged.

“Regarding the structuring of EXO: We have decided to put into place the suggestion by member Sehun about the subunits. EXO-K and EXO-M will be reformed. EXO-K will remain the same except for the transferring of Sehun to EXO-M. Members of EXO-M Tao, Chen and Lay will retain their original roles. Xiumin will take over the role of leader from former member Kris.”

“Me?” Minseok looked more surprised than anybody else. Really, everybody had expected it since he was the most responsible one from the China line, even when compared to Yixing, and it wasn’t as if Tao would ever agree to Sehun being the leader. “Wow. I’m honored.”

“Congratulations. I’m not the sole leader anymore. At least it’ll be a bit easier the both of us because we’ll be managing less people. Anyway, moving on. Luhan will stay on the vocal line as lead vocalist but will not be the visual of the subunit. Transferee Sehun will fill in for former member Kris as the lead rapper and will be considered the subunit’s visual, center and main dancer for the time being.”

“So he’ll be the M version of me.” Jongin smirked and crossed his arms.

“People already know me as Sehun. Just because I’m filling in the same roles doesn’t mean I’m going to become you.” Needless to say Sehun was less than amused.

“Anyway,” Junmyeon cut them off before they could escalate into a needless argument. “Regarding future music videos and the storyline of EXO: Luhan will not be appearing in the video for Love Me Right since most of the filming has already concluded. He will be present for the videos for the next two planned singles, Lucky One and Monster. Changes will be effective immediately. Adjustments to the Exo’luxion tour tracklist and choreography will be made to accommodate the two subunits and finalized before the next leg of the Exo’luxion tour. We sincerely hope for a long partnership and no further incidents.” Junmyeon closed the letter and neatly put it back into its envelope. “That’s all. Congratulations to Luhan, Sehun and Minseok. Let’s cherish the time we have during the tour, yeah? We’ll probably be promoting in different places all too soon.”

Now that he was part of EXO-M he made an effort to get to know the members. Of course, since one of them was his boyfriend, one was previously his fuckbuddy and one was a relatively close friend, that only left Yixing and Jongdae. However, since Luhan tended to do things with Yixing and told Sehun all about it, the only one he wasn’t really familiar with was Jongdae.

Sehun already thought of Jongdae as the least funny member because he hung out with the other members the least and was thus not a part of the regular shenanigans most of the time. Even meeting up with him was kind of awkward, since he had no idea what to do or say even if Jongdae agreed to come along. His haphazard first invitation was surprisingly the one that Jongdae agreed to and he soon found himself at the same table with the other at a restaurant that sold bubble tea. They just kind of stared at eachother, Sehun sipping his bubble tea, Jongdae eating steamed buns.

He took a long sip before starting to speak. “So…”

Jongdae waited until he stopped chewing, awkwardly extending the conversation, only to say the exact same thing. “So.”

“What do you think of me joining EXO-M?”

“You’re not a bad choice, honestly. It was between you and Chanyeol anyway.” Seems like Jongdae was a bit like him, slow to start but eager to talk when he wanted to. “We already have 3 vocals on our team, me, Yixing, Luhan. Since Tao’s still around you’ll be splitting your lines with him, but it’s not like you should mind much considering you got the most visible spot.”

“You don’t mind that, right?”

“I’m not much of a visual so I don’t really care. Being a vocalist has its perks.”

“I wish I could be as confident as you are with your vocals. I think my voice is decent… right?”

“Are you trying to get me to be your vocal coach?”

“Would you even be interested in doing that?”

“Hah, you already forgot? You were there when I said I would’ve been a vocal coach if I didn’t join EXO. That being said, though, are you sure you don’t want Luhan to train you? You might learn better with your boyfriend.”

“Oh, trust me. We wouldn’t get anything done. Even if we tried he’d probably tease me about it and I’ll lose heart. I know I can trust you to at least be honest and practical about it.”

“I’ll think about it. Don’t know what you’d use it for considering your specialty would be rapping. Shouldn’t you be talking with Tao about that?”

“Well, actually, I’ve been asking him and Chanyeol to teach me. They’ve been teasing me nonstop about it but I actually picked up a few things in spite of all of that. The language is kind of weird too, no offense. You have much shorter words that are basically single syllables. I tried rapping to your version of History and I failed completely.”

Jongdae snickered. “That’s part of the new tracklist, right? You should get a hang of it before then. Tell you what. If you’re still interested in getting vocal lessons from me, tell me after the tour. Then I’ll see what I can do for your voice.”

“Thank you so much. I should’ve talked with you a lot more a lot earlier.”

“Well, maybe not.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. I know there isn’t anything like a visual class, or I’d ask you to teach it.”

“Actually, there’s a lot that has to do with how you present yourself.”

“Wait, so there  _is_  a visual class?”

“Not an official one. All visuals know it, but there’s an unspoken code. It depends on what the overall concept of your group. With girl groups it’s usually the one whose face is the most symmetrical, whoever has the most simplistic beauty, whatever. Yoona from SNSD is a classic example. Her attitude is also what cements her as the visual just aside from her looks. She presents herself in a way that matches what they’re doing, so if it’s a cute song like Gee she can be cute, but if it’s a song like Run Devil Run she goes with that confidence that makes it work. Red Velvet’s Irene does basically the same thing with the stark difference in the Red and Velvet side.”

“And how exactly did you figure all of this out?”

“I’m still in contact with both of them. Not all of us stopped talking with eachother after the Taeyeon thing. In fact, I usually see her hovering around when I visit the rookies.”

“No way.”

“Why would I even lie about that? Anyway, those are the female groups. Boy groups don’t exactly have a cute concept. Luhan and Minseok would’ve been snapped up in some other project if there was such a thing. Closest thing we get is highschool concept, and even then it’s more about exploiting the kind of feelings you get during that time. So in general you want those stereotypical male qualities, tall, confident, handsome, sharp features. If you look at Jongin you’d notice he smiles at the audience a lot. That’s his shtick. Kind of like he’s flirting while he’s on the stage. I go the opposite direction. I don’t really smile when I dance. It’s all about dark looks and communicating through the dance. That’s why I tend to wear lots of eyeliner and darken the ends of my eyes. Luhan’s weird because he tends to do this thing where he looks at the audience or the camera before looking away. Did you ever really notice that in your History MV? I swear, he does that about 4 or 5 times. I think what he’s doing is exploiting his cuteness factor. You want to take care of cute things that look like they need help, right? So he tries to look hurt. People get drawn in by all 3 attitudes.”

“What do you think I could do?”

“You’re too soft for my attitude but not soft enough for Luhan’s. You’re probably better off trying to go with Kai’s routine and smile more if you really want to look more like a visual. Clothing is also a definite issue, but you’d have to take that up with the stylists.”

“Talk to me more like this and you’ll definitely have those vocal lessons.”

“Sweet.”

“Could you maybe put in a word with the girl groups you know? Not that I’m particularly interested in any of them, but I wouldn’t  _mind-_ ”

“OK, we’re done here.”


	14. I'll go on stage again

Today was one of those days Luhan decided he’d go out on a little mini-date with Sehun, which was pretty much the usual whenever they had a free day. Free days were getting scarcer as they only had less than a month to learn the new choreo. In Sehun’s case, he had to learn the Chinese lyrics and Luhan himself had to relearn and fine tune his voice back to the songs he hadn’t sang in ages. They decided that they might as well eat while they were goofing off, to save time so they could be more efficient while they were bonding. Before they could leave the dorm, however, Minseok stopped them.

“Ah, Luhan, is it OK if I speak with you?”

Sehun shifted his weight and Luhan could tell that he was listening in, as if Minseok hadn’t just asked for him. He supposed he could see why since they were nearly inseparable, but it was adorable in that goofy way how he couldn’t tell when somebody wanted to talk one on one.

“I think he meant only to me, Sehun. You can go ahead, right?”

Sehun gave a slight nod and left wordlessly, his features hardening a tiny bit when he did so. Now that they were alone, he turned his attention back to Minseok. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“I couldn’t work up the courage to say this to Sehun, so… I thought that I should at least explain it to you. Did he tell you yet?”

“About what?” Luhan raised an eyebrow, completely confused as to what Minseok was getting at.

“Right. That means he hasn’t. For a time, well, we were fuckbuddies.”

“Since when? Are you telling me he cheated?”

“No! Nononono, definitely not. It was after you left but before you came back. I’m not a homewrecker and Sehun’s too good for that- Anyway, anyway.” Despite his concern, Luhan knew Minseok was being genuine. He could picture the relationship, but certainly not while they were still in the process of dating. “That was really hard to say and that’s not even the hard part.”

Minseok kept fumbling around, pulling at his collar or fiddling with the very edge of his sleeve, but Luhan kept his patience and awaited what he had to say. “For the longest time, I had a crush on you.”

“…Really? Wait, how does that even lead in with that whole Sehun situation? I’m really confused.” Minseok? Had a crush on him? He was confused on two different levels now. He hadn’t really expected Minseok to even have an eye for him. It certainly wasn’t that obvious.

“You were with Sehun from the beginning, so I couldn’t do anything.” That sounded eerily similar to Yifan’s explanation, but he had to remind himself that this was squishy Minseok, not the manipulator who made him waste a good part of his life. Even though he knew that, his chest felt tight. “So when you left I thought that maybe if I dated Sehun I could see what you saw in him. See if I could pick out parts that you would like the most out of him so that I could emulate him. It was stupid from the beginning, I know.”

For once in his life, he had absolutely nothing to say. No questions, no demands, not even a factual statement. The idea that Minseok would go that far on a crush was mind-boggling to him, even more mind blowing with the knowledge that the crush was on him.

“But I didn’t want to toy around with his feelings, especially after you broke up with him. I don’t know if he told you about it, but when you left he was barely functioning. I’m not blaming you, it’s just the way he reacted. He looked so frail and barely got out of bed. I actually brought food up to him because I thought he wouldn’t be able to stand with how sick he looked. I wasn’t even sure I would go through with the plan because if I messed up I’d be ruining one of my friends’ love life, but…”

“But?”

“He was the one who approached me. He actually took me out to a balcony and told me he was willing to try something. I still wanted to find out more, so I rejected dating, but I brought up the topic of fuckbuddies and offered that instead.” Minseok rubbed his face with his one heavy sweep of his hand. “This is so hard. After a while I started to realize that I was actually falling in love with him, which wasn’t the plan in the first place. I knew if I kept with that relationship I’d be foolish enough to delude myself into thinking that I had a chance with him. I knew if I took it to the level of an actual relationship I would never live with myself knowing that I chose him as a second choice. As if he wasn’t a valid choice from the start.”

“Minseok, you don’t have to-”

“I still have more to say. Just give me a second.” Minseok took a deep breath. “And then I realized that I wasn’t the right choice for you, either. If I had to look at another person and go so far as to try to emulate what they did and change myself in the process just to get you, then that means I wasn’t right for you in the first place. I don’t feel any jealousy whatsoever watching you two. You were basically made for eachother. Just being in that car knowing that if you teased me like that I would have taken it seriously puts it in an entirely different perspective. I may have lost both of these relationships, but I don’t mind at all. You’re perfect for eachother and you’re some of the best friends I’ve ever had. I just wanted you to know what I did. And I hope you can forgive me.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong, so there’s nothing to forgive. You literally just had to say you were happy being friends with us even when we’re a couple and I would’ve been on my way. But I appreciate you explaining everything. I’ll relay it to Sehun.”

“Thank you.”

“You know, you deserve a great relationship too. How come you haven’t dated yet?”

“I’ve _dated_ , but I haven’t found a serious relationship in a long time.”

“Got it. I’ll hook you up with a nice boy. I think Sehun’s been waiting for a while, so I’ll be going. Bye!” He ran downstairs even as Minseok hollered.

“I don’t need a hook-up!”

“Sure you don’t!”

As the next leg of the tour neared, Luhan had an absolute kick teaching Sehun how to speak Chinese more fluently. He knew it was a bit cruel, but he always thought that just a little bit of challenge was what really made a person learn all the better. During the middle of their lesson he decided to write a popular tongue twister, 四是四，十是十，十四是十四，四十是四十，四十四是四十四 **,**  which meant ‘Four is four, ten is ten, fourteen is fourteen, forty is forty, forty-four is forty-four’. The entire point of the exercise was that they were near homophones, which meant they sounded nearly the exact same. He presented the tongue twister to Sehun, who immediately grimaced at the sight of it and looked at him with pleading eyes.

“Can I… not do this?”

“Nope!”

There was a prolonged groan. “Fine.”

Sehun began the tongue twister fine, but as soon as he got to the second group of words Luhan chirped. “Wrong!”

“What?”

He tapped the character on the paper. “That says shí, not shì.”

“…Huh?”

He rolled his eyes and went right back into explaining everything, which earned him several complaints that he easily shot down. He was only satisfied when Sehun not only said it correctly, but said it without stumbling at a fast pace. He figured he might as well have some rapping practice on the side as well. Near the end of their lesson he was teaching Sehun about some typical sayings, particularly in the market area, simply because it was commonplace even though it was very unlikely any of the EXO members would find themselves at a market of all places. They were mainly doing writing, but Sehun seemed to be eager to say something.

“So if I want to ask for tofu in a market, I should say ‘卖豆腐’, right?”

Luhan cringed immediately and smacked Sehun, albeit lightly, leaving the other completely bewildered. “Two things. That’s a statement, not a question. But more importantly.”  Luhan had to look away, still cringing. “When you say it like that, well, instead of meaning what you think it means-” He sighed. “‘Selling tofu’ is a really bad euphemism. You should ask if they have tofu instead of if they’re selling it.”

“Ah, yeah, I understand why you smacked me now.”

“Let’s stop for now. I should probably teach you what  _not_  to say later, but for now, good job.”

“You’re a harsh teacher.”

“As much as I want to coddle you, we’re heading out to China in 3 days time. If you want to talk to them as fluently as I do, you need to shape up!”

“I’m kind of hoping that they’re too surprised that EXO-M’s getting back together just as we happen to be touring in Shanghai to notice my bad Chinese.”

“For their sake I hope they are so they don’t have to listen to you. Just kidding, love you. I get what you mean. Even though I know I belong here with you all, I’m kind of actually scared.  What if they don’t want me back?”

“Have you read literally any comment section on the articles on you? The majority of EXO fans are missing you. I’m sure they’d pay anything to see you back in the group, but they only had to pay for tickets. Kind of a bargain if you ask me.”

“You read articles about me?”

“How could I not? I was so worried about what you were doing when you left. You didn’t say anything so I thought I’d at least see what you were up to in the public eye. The entire reason I was even interested in Tokki Talk was because you were there. Granted, it was a good thing since I got to meet Seulgi, but the point still stands.”

“Get any sweeter and my teeth will rot right out of my gums.”

“My teeth rot every time I look at you.”

“That’s disgustingly nice.”

“I know. And Tao’s not even around.”

“To be fair, he’s a lot of fun to mess around with.”

“You wanna go find him?”

“Of course!”

The training over the remaining days just got harder and harder and soon he and Sehun didn’t have any time for themselves. Well, more like he didn’t have any time, because he was the one who was having trouble relearning basically everything. Despite the hardship and the burning in his legs, he pushed through every single training session with a ferocity that he didn’t really think he ever had before. It was the first time he’d perform for the rest of EXO and by god he was going to deliver, not only for his boyfriend, but for the rest of the members, the company and the fans, for them to see that he was serious about his dream and he’d fight tooth and nail to see it come true, just like he did when he was a rookie.

Even though he was thoroughly exhausted by the time they flew out to China and he spent the majority of the flight and time at the hotel sleeping rather than practicing, his excitement was noticeable enough for everyone, especially Sehun, who seemed to be getting colder feet. He was the energetic one, the one who claimed he was ready for the entire concert every step of the way.

It was only when he was in costume, makeup on and directly on the side of the stage that he felt terror that was nearly indescribable. He stood stock-still, almost dazed, fuzzy mind taking in everything around, but not really processing what was going on. He didn’t even realize that Sehun had noticed he was staring at the steps leading up to the stage until his boyfriend grabbed his shoulders and looked deep into his eyes. “Luhan, are you OK?”

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“We’ve been training for a month. This is the entire reason we’re here. Look at me.” He put both of his palms on Luhan’s face, trying his best to smile, probably trying to get Luhan to smile as well. “You don’t have to shoulder everything. I’m here. The other members are here. Even if you go out there and do the worst performance you’ve ever done, we’ll still be proud of you. Because you had the guts to go out there and try. When you don’t try your chance at succeeding becomes 0%. You can only succeed if you try.”

“I… I got it. I’m not going to disappoint any of you. I’m OK, I’m OK. I just got overwhelmed for a second.” He struggled to put on a smile, succeeding after a few moments. He just had to keep that smile on and get through this. “Let’s make this a show they’ll remember.”

On cue all of the members of EXO made their way onto the stage except Luhan, who was to be the center of the entire surprise. He watched as the others made their rounds hyping all of the fans up just by telling them what they were about to watch, vague little tidbits of the concert they already paid to attend. It was kind of funny, but he knew that very same feeling when he was younger. It was stunning just to even see your favorite idol, let alone have them be in the same place and speak with you. When the regular rounds were done and everybody expected them to start with their first song, Junmyeon stopped everything and started speaking.

“I know you’re excited to see us perform, but before we do, we have a special announcement to make.” It was kind of amusing hearing Junmyeon speak in Chinese, but there were far more pressing matters on his mind. Even from the sidelines Luhan could tell that everybody who had a camera within the audience was firing it up and starting to record, a smart move on their part, really. Even though SM should be announcing it online right about now, the stadium they were performing at wasn’t equipped with regular cameras and it wasn’t as if SM was willing to wheel in an entire camera crew into another country, so recording what was about to go down was definitely a one time opportunity.

“We’d like you to be the first to welcome our newest member of EXO.” The crowd burst into an excited cheer. “He’s someone who’s made his rounds as a solo artist and an even an actor and has made a name for himself. You may even recognize him.” He started ascending the steps, his heart trying to hammer its way out of his chest. “Please welcome to the stage Luhan!”

He ran out onto the stage as soon as he was called, facing the crowd and waving to them as he did so. If the cheering earlier was loud, the audience feedback was deafening, as tens of thousands of fans all expressed their shock and excitement in one roaring sound. He took the microphone from Junmyeon, unable to contain his grin when he realized that he was entirely wrong to worry and that the fans were more than accepting of him.

“It’s been a while, EXO-Ls, but I’m back. I’m sorry for the trouble I caused you and the other members, but I promise to make it all back up to you.”

Jongdae slung his arm over Luhan’s shoulder in an incredibly familiar gesture, handling a microphone on his own. “Isn’t there another bit of news that Shanghai would like to hear?”

“Since I came along there are a few too many members around to perform efficiently, so you’ll be the first to hear that EXO-K and EXO-M are reforming. After the tour we’ll be right back here in China!” He nodded along to the clamor before Minseok came around and took the microphone from him.

“Because we’re a little different now we’d like to reintroduce ourselves so you’ll be more familiar with us.” The EXO-K members went off to the side, and a few of the more clever people in the audience already realized what was going to go down when Sehun didn’t step back. Well, it didn’t matter. They were literally about to announce it anyway. They introduced themselves in the order they agreed in, which was Minseok-Tao-Jongdae-Yixing-himself-Sehun.

“I am Xiumin, lead vocalist, lead dancer and now leader of EXO-M. Please treat me kindly.”

“My name’s Tao, main rapper and previous maknae of EXO-M. There was a little bit of trouble, but don’t worry. Let’s go on a trip together, EXO-L’s.”

“I’m Chen, main vocalist. It’s been a while, but we’re only getting better and better.”

“I’m Lay, everybody’s favorite sheep, vocalist and dancer. Let’s get on to the more interesting people, shall we?”

“My name’s already been called so you all already know, but I’m Luhan, rejoining EXO after a short break. I’m still one of the lead vocalists and lead dancers, but I’ve been kicked out of my spot as the visual. Let’s introduce the real newest member of EXO-M!”

“Hello everyone, I am Sehun!” Looks like the Chinese lessons he gave to his boyfriend were paying off well, since he was speaking properly, if but a bit hesitant. “I’m the new visual, main dancer, lead rapper and always the maknae.”

Lined up as they were they all gave a short bow before they spoke in perfect unison. “We’re EXO-M, let’s get this concert started!”

All of EXO came together in a tribute to the original OT12 and went for their debut single, Mama. To show off the subunit idea they began with the Korean version, switched into the Chinese version halfway through and then finished it off with a proper blend between the two versions. Throughout the entire performance even one glance at the audience was enough to energize him, making him put all of his effort into the choreo and singing.

For once he actually understood what Sehun was feeling this entire time. All of these people felt a connection to them and cherished everything they did with certain intensity. Making them happy in of itself was a gift, a present to the people who were so kind as to make this dream of theirs a reality. Without any of them this wouldn’t even be possible, hell, if only a fraction of them left SM might have dropped them in favor of their older boy groups, Super Junior and SHINee. That bit of selfishness he hadn’t even really realized he had until just a few moments ago started from the very beginning of his career, made him feel entitled. But now that it was all gone, he harmonized with everybody else. It was splendid.

Because this was the ‘debut’ stage of EXO-M and they were in China, the majority of the performances were done by the reinstated M line and Luhan never felt so alive. In those moments where it’s just the song and the choreo he could forget about everything that happened when he wasn’t part of EXO. He could focus on everything he truly cared about.

The final performance was another callback to the OT12, though more specifically to the original M line. It was the Chinese version of History, one of his favorite songs out of all of those on the tracklist. There was a slight feeling of oddness no longer being the center, but even seeing Sehun in his peripheral vision in his spot gave him a rush of warmth, seeing his boyfriend finally being placed in the spotlight where he belonged, even if it was where he used to be in the choreo. Despite having to stay serious-looking during the song, he couldn’t help the grin that split his face when it got to the rap portion and Sehun and Tao perfectly executed it, as if the verse was originally intended for the duo. He was almost afraid that Sehun would rap the Korean verse like he was used to, but there was no such accident and no cause for embarrassment.

The concert ended perfectly.

As soon as they were out of the prying eyes of the public and the staff, he couldn’t help but launch himself into Sehun’s arms, giggling with glee when his boyfriend actually picked him up and swung him around for a bit. If performing gave him happiness, knowing that he got through an entire concert date without messing anything up in spite of all of his earlier nerves sent him straight into euphoria.

“We still have to perform tomorrow!” Sehun said with a slightly teasing tone.

“I know. I’m just so happy that it turned out so well. I feel like I can do it again and again.”

“We have like 40 dates left.”

“Then all the better!”

When they returned to the hotel he spent the majority of the time on his phone. EXO, EXO-M, Sehun and his own name were all trending topics on basically all the social media websites he cared about, and he quickly posted a selfie he took with the other members on Weibo as his only comment, for now. There were a few people who doubted that they were really back together, but that post should clear up all of that.

The future only seemed to get brighter and brighter for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little update: Short break from this fic to work on a Red Velvet one. After seeing Peek A Boo I couldn't help myself. Please wait patiently while I churn out the first few chapters, then I'll work on both.


	15. I'll protect you forever

“You’re so gorgeous.”

“What are you even talking about?”

Things calmed down considerably since the first concert reintroducing Luhan as the newest member. They were more than halfway done with their tour, past all of the dates that took place in China except one. Luhan took some time to readjust to being around and living with Sehun again, but when he did it was easy to see just how comfortable he made himself.

They had just finished their last concert at Singapore, the first place they toured at since the New Year, and they were taking time to relax inside of their hotel room. Luhan was lying on his stomach, watching the TV, stuffing his face with some Singaporean snack food he picked randomly from a convenience store near the hotel. Luhan was brave enough to only wear an oversized white shirt and underwear, which Sehun found incredibly adorable. He wasn’t even really looking at the questionable clothing. It was just how Luhan looked doing… well, anything. Even something as mundane as watching TV and eating was enough to make Sehun stare.

“You heard what I said. You’re gorgeous.”

“Are you joking or something? I know that I shouldn’t be snacking right now but I’m hungry. I’m not fat.”

“I never said you were fat. I’m just… amazed at how you look.”

“That still sounds like a backhanded compliment.”

Sehun rolled his eyes and hopped off of his bed, pushing Luhan so that he rolled onto his back. “I’ll let something else do the talking then.” He climbed atop Luhan and kissed him squarely on the mouth.  He wasn’t thinking of escalating it into anything more, but Luhan clasped his hands behind his head and really leaned into it, which only provoked Sehun into wanting more. A few nibbles here and there, the soft sounds that came from underneath him and especially Luhan’s soft lips drove him on to stick his tongue in.

He decided not to take it anywhere sexual, but that was the limit of his restraint- from here on out, he was focused solely on making Luhan moan louder, exploring every bit of his mouth with his tongue. He wanted to push past the lack of air and it seemed to be reciprocated, but before long they were forced to break off. Even though he was panting he didn’t really care, he was too busy staring deep into those wide, beautiful brown eyes.

“You’ve gotten… really sexy.” Luhan’s words were barely over a mutter, but Sehun heard them loud and clear. His face had tightened into his serious look and he didn’t even notice. At first he was worried that it was intimidating, but considering what Luhan just said, maybe he’d put on that look more often around him.

“Really? You’ve gotten manlier. Just like you always wanted.”

“Doesn’t really matter when I’m around you. When you have that look on your face I don’t care about that anymore. You’re the only guy I ever  _want_  to feel feminine around.”

“That’s a pretty big thing, coming from you.”

“I know. I…” Luhan very rarely ever look flustered, but here he was, looking away with complete uncertainty. “I really like it when you take charge. I feel like I’ve made too many bad decisions in the past. I never really thought about the consequences before. It was just about what I wanted, what I thought that I needed, that I trampled over everybody else. And… I don’t know what I’m saying.”

“I think I get it, even if you can’t really express it. I love you. I love you a million times over. If you think that you hurt me back then, you did. It’s important to own up to the fact. But what’s important now is that I can take it. And we’re back together. So you don’t have to think about it if it just keeps hurting you. Focus on the now. With me. Don’t look so far back. Don’t even look so far into the future. Moments like these… they come out of the blue. You just have to slow down a little bit and appreciate them.”

“That’s what I was talking about. You really should start writing poetry. But what I wanted to ask was, um, if you could help me. I think so fast and I don’t have much of a limiter from myself. I need you to slow me down.”

“And I will. On both accounts.” He made sure to give a smile and one last kiss on Luhan’s cheek before he got up from that awkward position and sat down on the bed. “I think I have a good idea. How’s about we go out for dinner sometime? A date.”

“We go out on dates like everyday.”

“Like a serious one. Not just us at a Subway. Private room. I’ll make the arrangements.”

“People would freak out if they found out that we came alone together to a private room at a restaurant.”

“I’ll specifically ask if I could make a private reservation. No big fanfare. Nobody will recognize us. I promise.”

“I’ll hold it to you, then.”

Luhan went back to flicking through the channels, but Sehun dropped everything that he was doing with his laptop just out of the giddiness of trying to prepare their first actual date. When he thought about it every moment they had together that they considered a ‘date’ was really just eating food out of the sight of everybody else. Before their break up there wasn’t anything even close to romance with the kind of schedule they had and the nervousness that came with being newly established idols, that feeling that any kind of scandal would be enough to destroy everything they worked for.

Now here they were, older, more experienced, more sure of themselves as titans within the entertainment and music industry. The risk that looked to be far too great seemed to be so much smaller now that EXO faced two scandals and almost faced three, and yet still came out strong. When he first met Luhan he let him dominate their decisions simply because he was afraid that he couldn’t make decisions by himself. There was a film of anxiety that covered him and that Luhan seemed to shield him from, when in reality he was far too reserved and let the other boy down by letting him run without restraint. He just wasn’t afraid of what others had to think of him or his relationship with Luhan anymore, and that allowed him to do things he never thought he would have- like searching for a restaurant and making reservations.

It was a pain finding a good restaurant that had private rooms, wasn’t far away from their hotel and had available reservations for tomorrow night. It was true that the last part was a bit ridiculous on his part, but he didn’t want to waste time and wait for days when the moment was spoilt and SM had another thing for them to do. Even though they were in Singapore he wouldn’t be surprised if they had a surprise televised event or something. After a fair bit of searching he managed to find something that perched exactly on that boundary between high class glamour dining and cozy home business. The owners seemed to refrain from advertising much and relied on word of mouth, so it wasn’t very popular despite the good reviews and high quality of food. By the time he called, Luhan was already asleep, so he didn’t have to worry about the surprise being ruined.

He called up the place and he was surprised to hear the voice of a middle-aged woman answering him instead of the faux chipper tone of a young employee, and even more than that, in English. “Yes, hello?”

He momentarily struggled to put together his English, but he managed to speak somewhat decently. “This is the Hinanawi, right?”

“Oh, yes. Would you like to order something?”

“No, actually. I wanted to ask if I could reserve a private room for two people. Something away from the main dining room if possible instead of a booth. Uh, tomorrow, at… 8 PM?”

“Ah, let me see… Yes, that’s possible. Under what names should I have the reservation under?”

“Oh Sehun and Lu Han.”

“Hmm. Those names sound familiar.” He turned his head away and scrunched up his face, preparing for the inevitable recognition. “Are you a singer?”

“Yes, I’m Sehun from EXO.”

“Now I remember!” The woman on the other end laughed heartily. “You’re that boy my daughter’s obsessed with. She’s always singing that song. I can’t remember how it goes. All I can remember is that there’s like an ‘Awoooo’ during it. That one.” It was so awkward hearing a woman sing Wolf, but it was strangely endearing. “Anyway. Is this going to be a public thing?”

“No, no, not at all. I’d actually prefer it if you don’t mention that we were there. I hope you understand.”

“Not a problem. I’m glad you even came, honestly. I’m sure my daughter will get a kick out of serving you.”

“Thank you. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

Sehun went to bed giddy with excitement, keeping himself up a bit too long thinking of what was going to go down tomorrow. Because of this Luhan woke up much earlier than he did, and he had to be shaken awake by his boyfriend in order to eat breakfast before it turned into brunch. Blinking away the traces of sleep he stared at what was being shoved in his face- a burger. He sat up and stretched before he even took hold of the burger, at which point Luhan sat on his bed and watched him. “You bought me food?”

“I paid for room service with your money.”

“Right. That’s more in character.” He shook his head and bit into the burger, a bit uncomfortable with how Luhan was staring at him. So that’s how it felt. Oh well, he’d take it if it meant he was able to stare at Luhan eating however much he wanted. “Any reason you’re looking at me?”

“How is it?”

“It’s actually pretty good. Why?”

“I was thinking about what you wanted to eat. Room service doesn’t have anything Korean so I just guessed about what you liked.”

“Meat and sushi. This has meat. I’m happy. Haven’t had a good burger in a long time anyway. It’s a nice change.”

“That’s a relief. Your little dinner reservation had me thinking about food preference.”

“Speaking of that, we’re going today. 8 PM.”

“Wait, what?” Luhan’s jaw dropped and Sehun couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I got reservations for us today at 8 PM. Be ready.”

“That was… really fast.”

“Can’t afford to sit around with our schedules. If we’re going to have a romantic night we should have it as soon as possible. We’re a few years overdue.”

“True. But where are we going?”

“That’s a secret.”

Throughout the rest of the day Luhan kept asking him where they were going, earning weird looks from the rest of the members who accidentally overheard him. It was difficult denying Luhan what he wanted, but this was the entire point of their earlier conversation, being a brick wall to his boyfriend’s raging tide of insistence. He kept this up the entire day, only getting some sort of respite when they were already all dressed up and in the taxi.

Sehun decided to be a bit more discreet with his wardrobe, going with a tasteful pairing of a black undershirt and a black jacket for the top and blue dress pants for the bottom. Looking at himself in the mirror he realized that it looked a lot like one of the possible upcoming Lucky One outfits, but hey. Those outfits were meant to look good anywhere, not just on stage. About the fanciest thing he did was gel down his hair. Luhan, for once, was the more casual one, simply wearing a button-down and dress pants, but Sehun knew for a fact that he’d still gawk at his boyfriend no matter what he wore. They both did away with makeup since it would just make them stand out and they already knew what they looked like together. Part of their wardrobe also happened to be medical masks, which of course was all in the effort to prevent recognition.

The place looked exactly like the pictures, which was a relief considering previous experiences with restaurants that failed to live up to expectations. Hinanawi kept true to its Japanese roots and favored a more traditional style, something that worked well in its favor when it was the only traditional-looking building in a sea of modern businesses. Even though it didn’t look like much from the outside, it looked absolutely gorgeous as soon as they stepped inside. It was open concept, the majority of the tables already visible despite the presence of a counter. The counter itself was beautifully designed, the ‘wall’ behind it made to look like a giant outstretched fan, and he wouldn’t be surprised if it actually was. At the counter was a smartly dressed woman he assumed to be Japanese herself, dressed smartly in the uniform, which happened to be a black top and white skirt. She was smiling at them ever since they stepped in, and when they got close enough she greeted them in English, which he appreciated because neither of them knew any real Malay.

“Hello sirs, table for two?”

“We have a reservation, actually.” He noticed Luhan deliberately standing mostly behind him and he shot a brief glance backward, only making his boyfriend step even more behind him. Weird. But he had a conversation to attend to.

“Certainly, sir. Under what name?”

“Oh Sehun.”

She was already flicking through the reservation book when she paused, grasping a page awkwardly and brought her eyes up to him. She ogled him for a couple more seconds before she crossed her arms. “This has to be a prank. There’s no way.”

He already knew what she was talking about, but it was amusing enough to see her reaction that he wanted to play along a little bit. “What has to be a prank?”

“Sorry, sir. It’s just that, for a second, I thought you were Oh Sehun from EXO.”

He pulled down his mask and smirked. “And what if I am?”

One look at his face and her hand shot up to cover her mouth. She took a step backward when Luhan decided to step out from behind and pull down his own mask, grinning cheekily. “And I’m Luhan.”

“Oh my god. I am such big fans of you-” Before she could make a speech gushing about them, Sehun pulled his mask back up and put his finger over his mouth.

“Sorry, but we want to get seated quickly. We’re not here on official business and we’re afraid we’ll be spotted and swamped if we take too long. Hope you understand.”

“Of course, of course.” She cleared her throat and bowed her head slightly. “I’m sorry, that was unprofessional of me. My name is Aoi. I’ll be your waitress for today.” She led them through the restaurant with due haste, though Sehun made sure to look at the main room. It had several tables where chefs prepared sushi for amazed onlookers, several partitioned booths off to the side for people who wanted a little bit more privacy, but most stunning of all, cherry blossom tree sculptures that hung over people as they ate. It was gorgeous and he could only hope that their room was just as beautiful.

He was not let down by their room in the slightest. Due to smart use of lighting and placement of the furniture, even though the room was relatively small, it felt like the perfect size for two people eating alone together. The light was dimmer inside, but it set the mood in a much better way. He wouldn’t be surprised if the staff expected a couple (which they got, admittedly) only to be surprised when they saw it was ‘just’ two idols. Being an idol gave very easy excuses when it came to closeness and eating out that he should have been exploiting from the very beginning.

They took their seats and Aoi handed them their menus. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” The waitress gave one more small bow before she left them. Sehun went ahead and took a look at the menu, only looking up when he realized that Luhan, usually the one who ordered first, hadn’t even opened up his menu yet.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“Yeah, but this is… This is a lot to take in. I never pictured us being able to eat somewhere like this.”

“Neither did I. I understand why we both thought that, but let’s be real. It was a pretty stupid thought to have. You look amazing.”

“You say that all of the time.”

“You’re still blushing.”

“With that tone of voice? How could I not?”

He made his voice go rougher and gruffer, tilting his head down just a little bit so his eyes became the focal point. “What will you do if I get serious about trying to seduce you, I wonder?”

“I’m going to throw this fucking menu at your face.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Aoi’s waiting for us to make an order. Let’s decide on something before she comes in.”

They ended up deciding on their choices a full minute before Aoi walked in. Sehun went for his usual love, which was just a huge sushi platter that he could eat randomly, while Luhan went for spicy yakitori. They filled in the gap between ordering and serving with small talk, mostly about the place itself. When the food did arrive he was tempted to dig in like he usually did, but he refrained from doing so to keep the mood together. It was funny seeing Luhan about to rip into the entire first piece of yakitori he ordered without a care in the world, only to slow down and take a small bite when he saw that he was eating far too quickly. He popped a few rolls into his mouth, enjoying each burst of flavor that came in, but soon after got to talking, more concerned with what his boyfriend was thinking about rather than his own experience.

“How is it?”

“It’s good, but it’s not very spicy. I haven’t eaten anything Chinese in way too long since we usually got sandwiches, so I wanted something heavily spiced. Kinda disappointing.”

Sehun scanned the area in front of Luhan before his eyes landed on a small dish containing a brilliant green paste that he actually recognized as the condiment Luhan was supposed to be putting on his chicken. “That’s because you forgot to put the yuzukosho on.”

“The what now?”

He pointed to the dish. “It’s a condiment.”

“Ohhh. I thought that was part of your sushi thing. I thought it was wasabi.”

“Wasabi isn’t as chunky, now try it out.”

Luhan looked positively excited to try it out and smeared on what Sehun thought was a bit too much yuzukosho, but it wasn’t as if he’d stop Luhan from eating what he wanted to eat. He nearly choked on a roll when Luhan started sputtering after just one bite. Thankfully he was able to get it down, but he couldn’t wipe the look of disbelief he had for what just happened. Luhan was in the middle of a coughing fit, turned away from the table entirely.

“I regret my choice.”

“I think you used a little bit too much.”

“You think? Man, I think I lost all of my spice tolerance.”

“Korean food is spicy too.”

“I haven’t eaten Korean in ages either!”

“I don’t think it’s that spicy.”

“Why don’t you try it, then?”

“OK.” Sehun grinned as he stood up, putting into action a plan that had only just popped into his head. He leaned over the table and kissed Luhan, swirled his tongue around his boyfriend’s open mouth and sat back down, smugness rolling off of him in waves. Luhan doubled over, hiding his face with his hands. “It’s not that spicy.”

“I’m going to die.”

“No you’re not.”

“I can’t believe you just did that.”

“It wasn’t spicy.”

“Shut up.”

“I love you.”

Luhan groaned in frustration and sat back up, pouting all the way. If Luhan was cute before, he was absolutely adorable. It was tempting to reach over and pinch his cheeks, but he knew if he did so he might lose an arm. They continued eating for some time, Luhan dropping the pout and returning to his usual face over the course of the meal, but there came a time when he was playing with his food instead of eating it, which was concerning in of itself. It was even more worrisome when he considered that Luhan wasn’t smiling anymore.

“What’s wrong?”

“Minseok… told me about the two of you.”

He gulped. “What did he say about it?”

“I know that we weren’t together at the time and I don’t blame you for going after someone else. I chased after Yifan- no. Kris. I chased after Kris for the longest time.” Luhan’s expression instantly soured. “The difference is that Minseok’s still around. He told me that you two broke off your arrangement and while I do trust him, I want to make sure I hear it straight from my boyfriend because I can’t deal with this feeling that you still have something for him.”

“Minseok and I are just friends. He’s sweet, but he was the one who broke it all off. It wasn’t really a date, not like this, we just went out in the middle of the day to get away from the gloom. Everybody was sad and we thought Tao was leaving. He was the one who sat me down and broke it off.” He sighed and leaned back in his seat. “The worst part about it was hearing those words and… not really caring. I like Minseok a lot, but if I were to be completely honest, I don’t think I could ever have really dated him even if we became boyfriends. We’re just friends. I try my best to make it obvious to you that I love you and only you. That’s why I stick so close to you. That’s why I look jealous every time somebody else speaks with you. That’s why I took you out to this place.”

Luhan was blinking awfully quickly and far too late he realized he was trying to hold back tears. “There’s also… that. Kris was like that. I thought he was good for me because he wanted me to himself and bought me food and… I’m scared of being hurt again.” Luhan looked away and with one blink tears started streaming. Sehun couldn’t bear to sit across from him, so he stood up and went right to his boyfriend’s side, stooping down to speak to him on the same level.

“The difference between me and him is that I don’t control everything you do. Even though I get a tiny bit jealous when somebody else has your attention, I never stop you from doing things with them. If I did, I’d be on pretty bad terms with Yixing right about now. I don’t  _want_  to control everything you do. You are your own person with your own thoughts and feelings and don’t let anybody, not Kris, not even me, convince you of anything otherwise. But you asked me to be your limiter. The only way for me to do that and make sure that you don’t get hurt is if I hold you back a little. I’m not going to force you to do anything, but you have to listen to me. And I want you to listen now. I am nothing like Kris. I am Oh Sehun and I am your boyfriend, right here, right now.”

Luhan cried even harder, but the tears were tending more toward happiness, from the way Luhan embraced him. Sehun rubbed the back of his head and whispered sweet words of encouragement, urging him not to cry anymore. When they pulled away from eachother Luhan was smiling again despite the reddishness of his eyes. He had just one more thing to say before they finished up their meal.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I have the RV fic going along this is my first one, so I'm going to stay true to the readers here and focus more on this one. On that note I'm going to be shifting the writing style a bit, however. Hindsight is 20/20 and I'm going to go back to the earlier chapters and edit them into a more streamlined version. Don't worry, the plot points will be the same, it's just severely lacking in description and after the writing break I realized just how much better I could make my writing with a more pointed, descriptive, streamlined tone. I may be doing this with chapters to come in the future. Anyway, thanks to the people who are even still reading up to this point.


	16. Even after the sun goes down

The hype surrounding the tour faded considerably since the first time Luhan was officially reintroduced into EXO out on that stage, which was no wonder considering it was an entirely new year. There was still a bit of excitement from fans waiting for their next comeback and MVs, but the majority of those waiting for them were EXO-Ls, a stark difference from when the entire K-Pop world was abuzz last year. SM had no intention of letting the excitement surrounding Luhan go to waste, though, since they pushed the production cycle of their next album, and therefore their schedules, up by an incredible amount.

Contrary to what they thought, which was that they’d be split as soon as they were done touring, both units were kept in Seoul and they were introduced to their two upcoming hits, Lucky One and Monster. Sehun and the rest of the members were already familiar with the wardrobe, but they were just as clueless as Luhan went it came to the music itself. He really liked Lucky One and it was definitely the safer track of the two, a song that more or less followed the same pattern as History but had a distinct vibe, more retro sound and various other facets that distinguished it from History. The lyrics were also quite tame compared to other songs where they constantly referenced to their space and planet theme, focusing more on the ‘lucky one’ aspect which was a really good decision.

Monster, on the other hand, was about the darkest sounding track EXO had ever done. It was a departure not only from their earlier music, but from the idea of what was popular as a K-Pop song, forgoing most of the in-your-face background music for vocals until the chorus, where it came out in full force. In a way it felt like it was tailored for him and the vocal line because Monster was all about having powerful vocals, but he had to admit that the rap part and the apparently difficult choreography would also make sure his Sehunnie stood out. He could easily see this song going either way in the public’s opinion, which was probably why they had Lucky One around to make sure that they succeeded even if the riskier concept flopped.

The first thing they had to do was record, meaning he saw less of his boyfriend and more of Jongdae, Yixing and Minseok, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sehun had to improve his relationship with Tao, after all, since they’d be sharing the rap parts. Since the rap verses were shorter Tao and Sehun disappeared into the studio while the vocal line stayed behind. Luhan just kicked his legs in a random rhythm, Yixing scrolled through his phone and the other two stared blankly at the wall. After a while of absolute silence, Jongdae spoke up.

“Want to do a vocal warmup?”

All of them agreed and they spent some time going through the regular motions and exercises, up until the point where they were exploring the full vocal range. Somewhere along the line he remembered a little game that he just had to bring up, one that MAMAMOO popularized and took full advantage of vocal range. It was pretty simple; sing ‘Hello Cleopatra, the world’s strongest potato chip’ in higher and higher notes until the person who can’t go higher is eliminated.

“I think we’ve warmed up. How about a game of ‘Hello Cleopatra’?”

“Are you really sure we should be playing something like that when the guys inside are probably gonna finish any second now?” Minseok was a lot more comfortable being sensible and straightforward now that he was the leader, but Luhan was bored out of his mind. This was simply no time for being sensible.

“We can finish whenever. C’mon, c’mon, let’s do this. It looks really fun.”

Even though they hadn’t said anything, both Jongdae and Yixing had looks on their faces that made it clear they were just as willing to compete as Luhan. The only one who showed a bit of reserve was Minseok, but Luhan was sure he’d soften up. He started the game off after they established the turn order with a relatively low note, only for Jongdae to go high almost immediately. Minseok surprisingly didn’t break a sweat or falter, one-upping Jongdae and leaving Yixing looking stunned. Luhan was jittery with excitement just at the prospect of seeing what Yixing had in store, going so far as to clench his hands tightly when he opened his mouth.

“That’s unfair.”

Everybody stared at him in baffled silence when Luhan broke it with a loud bark of laughter. He decided to go with the obvious joke and sang out. “Just stop right there.”

Jongdae caught the joke immediately and finished it off with an even bigger smile. “You’re dangerous, dangerous, take it slow.”

Luhan took over his boyfriend's usual line and framed his face with his hands even as he grinned. “Oh my.”

Yixing rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone again, though this time he was intently recording instead of absentmindedly scrolling. The presence of a camera made him more anxious but he resolved to do his best just in case Yixing posted this on Weibo or something. The cycle repeated itself this time, though when it was Jongdae’s second turn it was already at a point where he was praying Minseok couldn’t go any higher because he knew his voice couldn’t go that far. His dreams of at least making it up to the final two were crushed when Minseok went higher without breaking a sweat.

“I now regret my decision to play this game.”

“Are you gonna say it’s unfair now?” Jongdae was full-on smirking at this point. It was kind of annoying, but then again, if he managed to knock out Jongdae he’d be saying the exact same thing, so he let it slide.

“Nah. I just regret going up against the two of you. Minseok was the dark horse of this competition.”

“Why was I the dark horse?” Minseok looked criminally cute with his genuinely confused expression. Luhan could do adorable on command effortlessly, but Minseok was hard to beat with everyday interactions. Curse those puffy cheeks.

“You didn’t want to play in the first place! Anyway, anyway. All that’s left is you two. You know what? I’m going to bet on this. Even though Jongdae’s the main vocalist I’m rooting for our leader.”

“That’s flattering, but-”

“Shhhshhh. We’ll see whether we’re right or not. 3, 2, 1-” Luhan jumped when the door next to their sofa opened, Sehun’s voice coming from it even before his boyfriend actually came out, Tao in tow. Tao gave them all a small wave before going off somewhere else in the building, Sehun staying silent as he stood near the doorway.

“You’re up next.”

He snapped his fingers as he got up, muttering a small ‘damnit’ at the sudden interruption. Leave it to Minseok to actually be right about things. Maybe another time he’d convince them to finish the game, but for now he had to focus on the recording. He let the other members filter into the studio before getting up. When he tried actually entering the recording room, he ran straight into his boyfriend, who purposely stepped into his path. “What are you doing?”

Sehun grinned. “Hello Cleopatra?”

“That’s what we were playing. Why? Concerned we were recording something stupid?”

“No, you were really loud.”

“You could hear it while you were recording?”

“Not while we were singing, and I don’t think you contaminated any of our vocals. You would’ve been yelled at if you did. I did manage to hear you from the producer side, though. Your voice is really nice.”

“Is that all you wanted to do? Compliment my voice?”

“Yeah. Is that a problem?”

“You could’ve waited until after I got done with recording.”

“I want to kiss you.”

“Save it for afterward.” He giggled at Sehun’s pout, but gave his boyfriend a quick peck on the cheek when he stepped aside. He could tell Sehun was looking fondly at him, but they had work to do. When he came in the recording crew looked at him with slight annoyance. He bowed and gave soft apologies, quickly getting into the other room where the others were waiting. Jongdae gave him a dirty look that he promptly ignored and got right into singing.

All in all it was a regular session, though it was intensely exhilarating being able to voice a song properly instead of take over lines that weren’t his in the first place. It was another reminder that this was all real, that SM trusted him enough to give him an official spot back, even if he got less camera time than he did at the beginning. It was especially fun experimenting with how his voice sounded when mixed with Jongdae and Minseok’s since his voice matured a lot because of his tenure as a solo artist. His lighter and airy voice didn’t comprise most of the choruses, especially since Monster was supposed to be heavy in all aspects, so he was relegated to the prechorus while Jongdae handled the chorus as usual. He had a lot of respect for the main vocalist because his voice and control was superb among his peers, plain and simple.

Since they weren’t actually part of the sound editing process aside from what was already recorded, they were given a few days ‘off’, which when SM was concerned was more like prep time. He had absolutely no idea what to do with his time and, of course, the first person he wanted to tag along to do stuff with was his boyfriend. Sehun had a habit of sleeping in whenever they were given off days and it was no different during that day; he was sound asleep while Luhan busied himself scrolling through Weibo. He practically threw his phone aside when Sehun stirred and went right over, cheeky smile on full blast.

Sehun took a few moments to stretch before properly looking at him with bleary eyes. “Good morning.”

“Mornin’. What are you going to do today?”

“Work out?”

“But that’s boring.”

“I fail to see how working out is boring.”

“Wrong word, but you get what I mean. It’s hard. I don’t wanna work out.”

“Then don’t work out. Plain and simple.”

“But I wanna do stuff with you.”

“Then you have to work out.”

He gave a prolonged groan and tried to whittle away Sehun’s determination, but to his boyfriend’s credit he didn’t seem to budge at all. “Please?”

“I thought you wanted to be manly.”

“That is beside the point.”

“I’m going to the gym after I eat.”

No matter how much Luhan protested, Sehun just went on with his day, ate breakfast and started getting dressed for the trip. Luhan begrudgingly gave up and threw on whatever he thought was appropriate, pouting the entire time he was led to the gym. This gym in particular was meant for any SM artist so there wasn’t anything like an admission fee and, for once, they didn’t need to disguise themselves. It was just as likely to be host to K-Pop legends as it was for it to be completely empty. It all came down to scheduling. In this case, they were the only idols inside at this moment which meant they were practically completely alone since the staff weren’t allowed to actually come into the room unless requested. It was only when they actually got inside that Sehun addressed Luhan’s pout.

“Don’t look so sad.”

“But I’m at the gym.”

“You know you’re going to have to do this eventually. Or are you just like this because you want an incentive?”

“Incentives are nice. How about ice cream afterward?”

“That’ll just ruin what you did.”

“Then what’s your suggestion, huh?”

Sehun rubbed the back of his neck and looked around, definitely trying to think of something. Luhan only stared at him and crossed his arms. After a heavy sigh Sehun simply took off his shirt and went over to a machine that Luhan didn’t even know how to work. Sehun reached for handles on each side of him and stared pointedly at Luhan while bringing the handles in front of him. Oh, it was a pec machine. And… now he got what his incentive was. Every single time Sehun pushed the handles his pecs got defined in a way that Luhan never got to see. All too soon, though, Sehun stopped and leaned forward. “I’m only going to do this if you actually exercise. Otherwise the shirt goes back on.”

“Your terms are rough, but… Deal!” He got onto an elliptical nearby and openly gawked at his boyfriend’s body, particularly the way his stomach contracted and gave teasing glimpses of his abs. Unlike Junmyeon or Minseok’s which were clearly visible at all times, Sehun’s were less defined and only became distinct when Sehun was doing something. This was an incentive he could get behind, particularly because he could ignore the burning in his legs for the eyecandy that his boyfriend so kindly provided him.

Sehun had no qualms with the staring but moved on with his exercise routine without telling Luhan. This meant Luhan had to hop off of whatever he was doing and struggle to find a machine that he didn’t find particularly hard but still had a good view. Depending on where Sehun was he was forced to use machines and do exercises that he wasn’t too fond of doing, such as pull-ups, but often times it allowed him to get a different angle, so he wasn’t mad at the arrangement at all.

Luhan never really got what housewives and lonely middle aged woman saw in sweaty men in romance novels. He found sweat pretty disgusting and it took a while for him to even be OK with how sweaty he would be at the end of a performance. But here- he understood completely. It wasn’t the sweat itself. Most people didn’t have a fetish for that. It was just how it glistened as the person it was on moved. The way it brought light and emphasis on things. That was what made it attractive- highlighting the already attractive parts of a person.

Aside from just Sehun’s body, though, he liked to focus in on his face. He absolutely loved that slightly furrowed brow, that face of exertion as he lifted. It was exactly that kind of look that he gave whenever he was seriously concentrating on something and it was intoxicating. Luhan _wanted_ to be stared at, always craving that attention, and only Sehun had that total focus on his face that made his knees feel weak. There was so much about his boyfriend that he loved but probably wouldn’t ever tell him about because it was embarrassing to even think about.

Sehun ended their trip off with a particularly long stretching session for some reason Luhan couldn’t really fathom. They walked back to the dorm and took a quick shared shower and they were back to sitting on their beds as if nothing had happened. It was surprisingly pleasant how tired he felt because it was underlined with this feeling of satisfaction for actually doing something productive. He wanted to thank Sehun, but he didn’t really know how to do so without making it seem non-genuine. Maybe he’d get bubble tea for the both of them.

Their trip to the gym actually benefitted both of them greatly when the choreo lessons began. He definitely felt more limber than he had in quite a while even though he found the choreo challenging to remember. It was moreso Monster than Lucky One because Lucky One was much more fluid, all about motion and reacting to things. Monster, on the other hand, was full of sharp angles and split second move changes. He was both proud and annoyed looking at Sehun because he got a hang for both choreos early on and managed to perfect them just a few days later. If anything was certain, his boyfriend took the dancing seriously.

Thanks to Sehun’s help he was able to perfect Monster much faster than he would have alone and soon enough they were being directed to the most exciting part about all of this; the music video. Just like with MAMA and History the video would include all of them, but the majority of the video would be spent focusing on each unit. Minseok stepped up to his leadership position and disseminated the information in place of Junmyeon, who had given them all directions up until that point.

“So this is what the storyline is all about. We get to use our powers again!” He and Sehun both flinched since anything relating to their powers tended to come off as cringeworthy in some way. Even if the CGI was done correctly the positions they were in while filming were awkward at best and downright ridiculous at most. It was so awkward standing around and pretending to lift water bubbles like in Mama.

“I see that you’re all not too excited about that prospect, but it’s OK. We’re not going to be doing anything ridiculous this time. So no tornadoes, no floating petals and no thunderstorms.” There was a collective sigh of relief from the group. “For Lucky One we’re going to be losing our powers. We’re going to be trapped in a medical facility and experimented on until we can suddenly use our powers again and we try to escape. Only exception is Luhan. Uh, he didn’t lose his powers in the first place and he’s the one who’s going to be breaking us out of the facility.”

Sehun nudged Luhan and he gave a small smile back. It was definitely an interesting plot to begin with, but having the honor of being the focal point was nothing but encouraging. It was pretty painful at meet and greets during the tour when people asked if he’d have any kind of merchandise and he had to say no. Here he’d be just as important as anybody else, merchandising included, with the release of Ex’Act.

“Monster’s very different. Make sure you know the choreography because it’ll be dance heavy. We’re mostly going to be beaten up and forced into vehicles. Think of it as the prequel to Lucky One except… not.” Minseok rubbed his face and looked at them all warily, cracking a small smile. “I see why Junmyeon was always stressed about MVs. It’ll make more sense when we get to the set. Sehun’s going to be the double agent who seems to be on the enemy side but will help us out at the end. That’s about it for Monster. Guys, both MVs are going to be shot very close to eachother, so keep that in mind when you’re dyeing your hair. Lucky One is going to be white and bright while Monster’s going to be really dark.”

The next time they all saw gathered together was on the set, and the first thing they’d be filming was Lucky One. Most of the members opted to just keep their normal hairstyles and hair colors and gelled their hair down to match with the cold and clinical theme. The only ones who stood out were him and Chanyeol, who both dyed their head a vivid red, Sehun who dyed his hair black and got a side part instead of the Love Me Right era middle part and Jongin, who went blond and got what was basically a fancy combover.

He was going to show up in the intro of both versions, so it only made sense for him to be the first up. He expected the all-black wardrobe he was provided with and how the crew made his hair messier, but what he didn’t expect was the prop he’d be handling. He was giggling even before he was actually handed it, but he nonetheless swung the baseball bat around to get a feel for it. It was painted silver with EXO emblazoned on it in black lettering. Of course it wasn’t an actual aluminum bat to make sure he didn’t knock someone out, but it was definitely meant to look like one.

There was a bit of laughter from the sidelines, and he saw Chanyeol and Baekhyun doubled over, the source of the laughter. He raised an eyebrow and actually got a response. “You look like CL!”

He… could actually see that. If his hair were his usual brown he’d definitely read a lot like CL, which was a funny thought. He decided to humor them anyway. “I am the best!” He put the bat over his shoulder and did the same tooth-bearing snarl from the MV, successfully getting all the members of EXO and even some of the cameramen to laugh. The director wasn’t having it, though, and quickly got them all back to business.

Most of what Luhan ended up doing was walking back and forth in front of a black backdrop, carrying the bat in different ways- two handed, over the shoulder, one handed. They decided that the best look, since it would be filmed from behind, was over the shoulder and they kept it for the final shot of the intro. That shot ended up being him just facing a plain white door that opened without his intervention, probably their way of showing his telekinesis. The most exciting part of the shoot for him was the moment he was actually allowed to swing his bat, which was probably going to end up as teaser material instead of an active part in the MV, but he didn’t mind at all. He just had fun with it.

The rest of the members had a much more exciting time, since they got to run around, interact with female actresses that ‘ran the facility’ and in Jongin’s case dance the Monster choreo instead of teleporting away. He honestly had no idea what the director was going for, but it wasn’t his place to ask. He was, however, allowed to drop in and see what the editing was like and he had to admit, they actually managed to make watching himself just walking around with a baseball bat really exciting.

Even though the rest of the members had a lot more to film they decided to film the ending scene that day instead of leave it for the next day so that they didn’t have to touch Luhan up again. It was a standard long shot, Luhan confidently striding out of the door that opened up for him in the intro while the others followed. The next day he wasn’t obligated to come but did so to cheer Sehun on discreetly, particularly because this was the day when most of the scenes that involved CGI were being done. In order to save on CGI they got many takes in order to find the perfect one for editing so that they didn’t waste money, so people who had their powers on display took the longest, especially Lay, who had to have a flower bloom in his hand. Sehun got off relatively early since it would just be unrealistic to whip up a tornado in the middle of a facility. He just stared at the actress until she fell over.

Monster, which was filmed within days of Lucky One’s ending, was a lot more technical. Even though Lucky One used a variety of shots, it relied mainly on its set, actors and CGI rather than anything else. Here- well, they were being beaten up. You had to be very specific or the end result would look really bad. This time around he wasn’t exempt from the majority of the shooting and there was extensive bruise makeup applied to him. Even though he knew he wasn’t actually going to be hurt, it was immensely scary being shaken by an unfamiliar man in a SWAT suit, so much so that he wasn’t actually acting when they told him to look afraid. He counted himself as lucky, though, since Minseok ended up being manhandled on the floor, Lay had to touch people who were acting dead, and Tao ended up high on a prop tower of cameras.

Sehun had the easiest filming out of all of them since most of his scenes were filmed at the table and everything else came down to the back of the van. This was likely entirely because of the interesting part of his wardrobe that he shared with Baekhyun- a lip piercing that wasn’t actually a lip piercing but looked really badass. It was hard to tell it was even a fake until Sehun ripped it off right before he started rapping.

The only incident occurred after they finished the violent scenes and table scenes, when one of the crew went toward him with handcuffs. At first he was catatonic, staring at the pair unblinkingly, before panicking and smacking it out of their hands and backing away.

Sehun immediately went over to his side and asked the director for a break, something he granted easily with Luhan’s sudden outburst. They went to the dressing room and within seconds of entering, he was almost smothered with how tightly Sehun embraced him. Sehun was the only one who knew about his horrible experience with handcuffs. “Are you OK?”

“…Yeah. I panicked. I’m sorry. I’m holding up everything, let’s go back out.”

“You don’t have to do this. We can just ask if the producer if he could have you do something else. You don’t have to be there if you don’t want to.”

“The only way I’m going to get over this is if I do it. I’m fine. If I’m not I’ll tell you. Plain and simple.” He realized he was on edge and took a deep breath to calm himself. “Thanks for talking to me, though. I really appreciate it.” He leaned up and gave Sehun another kiss before heading right back out there, apologizing first and foremost to the director before putting the handcuffs on and heading toward the van. All he had to do was look in front of him. Focus on where he was walking. Left foot. Right foot. Left. Right. He just had to think of anything other than Kris.

He got in with the others only to be joined by Sehun, who sat next to him. Even though they were handcuffed and it was kind of easy for it to be spotted, Sehun placed his hands slightly on Luhan’s lap and got away with it. The shot of all of them in the van went relatively quickly but he couldn’t wait to get those godforsaken handcuffs off of him because if he spent any more time in that cramped van with the bad memories, he would have vomited. His solace came from the fact that that was the last of what he and Sehun were required to shoot, so he spent the rest of the day in the company of his boyfriend, blocking out any thought of Kris. It was difficult, but with Sehun around he overcame it.

By the time everything was edited together and the teasers came out, everyone had already moved on to the other songs. It was only really him and Sehun who bothered to even watch their teasers. He cheered every time Sehun appeared, especially with that lip piercing thing, and Sehun did the same for him, which was kind of off-putting since the split second of him on the screen was him being shaken around, but the intention was still sweet. He gave a quick peck on Sehun’s cheek and before long they were making out in the sanctity of their own room.

Life was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With 15 chapters gone and edited to be more streamlined, here comes a new arc. Since the relationship between Sehun and Luhan is pretty well established here already, I'm going to be focusing on MVs and the other characters through their eyes now. People of interest I really want to address are: Xiumin, Red Velvet, BTS and Seventeen. That being said, with a new arc comes a new poll since I love incorporating reader's wants into what I write. 
> 
> I'm looking to set someone up with Xiumin. Drop any K-Pop idol that he could reasonably be with, male or female, different company, doesn't matter. Since this is a pretty abstract poll there'll be a lot of time to think over it and I'll be accepting any suggestion up until the point Xiumin confirms in the story who he's dating.


	17. And moon goes down

There was one more event that had to take place before they released Ex’Act, one of the few times aside from music shows where groups from different companies competed for total dominance: Idol Star Athletics Championship. SM had previously sent older groups such as Super Junior SHINee and f(x) to represent, the latter two actually setting the bar pretty high with the gold medals that they won. They had already agreed to participating months ago when the casting call went out, it was just up to SM whether or not they’d actually go.

In the end they were casted and given the lineup for the event up until that point. At first Sehun was confused as to why all of the members were given a separate copy instead of just having one for the entire group (especially since he’d be sharing his with Luhan anyway) but one look at the paper explained everything. There were just too much to reasonably be contained in one shared paper. The front side of the page divided all of the groups participating by gender and then sorted alphabetically with the participating members specified next to the group name. Idols without a group were just shoved to the very end of the list. The sheer number of groups participating boggled Sehun’s mind, even if he was just looking at the male groups he presumed he’d be up against.

Super Junior and SHINee were still going alongside them, which gave him a little bit of confidence that SM had a fighting chance, but his heart sank when he recognized other non-SM groups that would give a good challenge. BtoB, SEVENTEEN, History, VIXX and to top it all off their biggest rivals BTS would be making their way to the events. Hoo boy.

Luhan didn’t seem to particularly care for the potential competition he’d be facing if he were to be chosen and pointed excitedly at the women’s listing, much to Sehun’s amusement. “Red Velvet’s coming along. That’s the group you have a crush on, right?”

“It’s not a crush. You make it sound like I’m straight.”

“But you talk to Seulgi a lot. We don’t spend much time together anymore!”

“We spend 90% of our day together. I haven’t spoken or seen Seulgi in ages, in fact.”

“I was just joking. Man, you’ve changed a lot.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know. You’re a lot more outgoing. Don’t get me wrong, I love that you’re talking to a lot of people now. That’s the kind of thing I always nagged you about, right? It’s just weird seeing you be with other people when the Sehunnie I remember barely spoke to anyone.”

“Are you jealous?”

“You’re making me embarrassed again. Stop it. But yeah, I kind of am. I’m happy for you but jealous at the same time.”

“You’re acting like you haven’t changed either. You’re not quite the magical deer prince anymore.”

“I’m a lot more careful about my relationships, that’s for sure. I’m not so innocent. That’s kinda obvious.”

“No, you’re missing the point entirely. You’re a lot more withdrawn. It’s like we’ve swapped places. You used to talk to everybody and now you only seem comfortable around me and the other members.”

“Um, that’s because I am actually uncomfortable? That’s obvious too. I did this to myself. I made myself an outsider. So I have no reason to complain about where I ended up. I should be glad that I have you and Yang Mi, if nobody else.”

“That kind of thinking isn’t healthy. I used to think like that and if you hadn’t reached your hand out to me then I would’ve never… cared about anybody else. Indifference is worse than hate. Tell you what. I’ll help you get some new friends. I’m probably going to be voted to represent EXO at the games so I want you to join in.”

“I haven’t been in a race in ages.”

“You don’t have to win!” He scratched his face while Luhan shook his head slowly and smiled in obvious disagreement. “OK, yeah, a few people would be disappointed if you lose, but it’ll be awesome if you win something. I doubt I’m going to win anything.”

“What happened to the positive thinking?”

“Let’s be realistic. Everybody’s going to be betting on you and Tao. I’ll probably try archery out along with whoever else wants to come along.”

“If I’m going to go with you then you have to try to win.”

“Deal.”

“I didn’t actually expect you to go along with it.”

“But I have and now you have to come along.”

“Ugh, fine. Hey, wait a minute. You just got me to agree to two things at the same time.”

He gave a cheeky smile. “That was the point.”

“Goddamnit. Who are you going to introduce me to?”

“Red Velvet, obviously. I don’t think we’re anywhere close to conversational with anyone in Super Junior except for Heechul, but that’s only because he’s all over everybody... I’m definitely OK with Minho. Oh, and you need to meet Johnny.”

“What do you mean ‘meet Johnny’? We’ve already met. He was supposed to debut with us.”

“And the last time you met or spoke with him was about four years ago.”

“Point taken.”

“He hasn’t officially debuted with NCT yet, but everybody knows he’s going to be coming in sooner or later. We could also talk to Doyoung but I don’t know him at all.”

“Just Johnny’s OK. Anyway, I could barely keep up with NCT after NCT U, and now they’re adding more members?”

“There’s the possibility that they’re coming out with a new subunit. Subunit? I don’t know what to call them, really. They’re kind of independent groups that share members… Whatever, subunit. A third one. Maybe more members.”

“What’s next? Another EXO subunit made of only three members?”

“With SM? You never know. They might actually do it.”

“Yeah, _right_. They already have their hands full with two subunits. Who are they gonna cast? Minseok, Jongdae and Baekhyun?”

Luhan flipped over the paper just to check there wasn’t anything more. The back of the page was just as full as the front of the page, much to their shared chagrin. It was obvious that they were team names and which groups were part of which team, but it was a hassle since the groups who joined in earlier apparently already chose the names of their team as a whole. EXO was thankfully at the top of the list, under Team Starry Sky along with Super Junior, SHINee, SEVENTEEN, AOA, Red Velvet, Lovelyz, and two of the SM rookies that he wasn’t quite familiar with, Yuta and Jaehyun.

Looking at the other teams he could tell that they were randomized almost entirely, though there were some overarching themes that connected the people who ended up together. Team ‘The return of the king’ featured veteran groups such as 4minute, Beast and Apink but had two newbie groups along with them. The team with the most ridiculous name, ‘A day old puppy’, featured the vast majority of the newer, more obscure groups. The only one he really recognized out of them was MAMAMOO. Meanwhile, Team Starry Sky was…

It was just Team SM, really. Four groups _and_ two rookies from SM in the same team? The addition of SEVENTEEN, AOA and Lovelyz was probably enough for most to chalk up the situation to coincidence but Sehun knew that SM pulled a few strings to make sure the family all stayed together.

Luhan eventually swatted the paper out of Sehun’s hands and groaned, low and deep. “This is going to take for-fucking-ever.”

“I thought you’d be more nervous about it, not pissed about the time.”

“I’m both. You know what makes my nerves worse? When I have to wait the entire day for an event with nothing to do except watch games I don’t care about.”

“That’s why you’ll be talking to people!”

“I don’t think we’ll be able to talk for hours unless I talk to everybody who’s coming, and I’m kind of sure that I’m not allowed to meet like 90% of these people on the list.”

“If you really hate the idea of waiting that long we can just ditch for a little while. We don’t even have to leave the stadium. We can just go somewhere away from the cameras and dick around.”

“Are we gonna make out in the hallway or something?”

“Are you trying to reference something?”

“I don’t know, don’t you think we were really lucky the first time? It was a risk back then and it’s definitely a risk right now when so many other companies are involved.”

“So you’re turning down my offer.”

“No, all I’m saying is that we have to be careful about _where_ we make out. That’s all.”

The next day the voting process began and things went exactly as everybody expected. They were only allowed to bring along four people most likely so that SM wasn’t over represented (which it already was, really, clocking in with 14 even without EXO). Tao was unanimously voted as the first representative, Sehun and Luhan both volunteered outright right after, which meant the vote was really only to decide who would end up getting stuck with them. At first it seemed like Chanyeol was going to be the unlucky one since Sehun threw him under the bus at the first provocation. After Chanyeol announced his displeasure and chased Sehun around the room a few times, people switched their votes to Junmyeon, who graciously shouldered the burden without much fuss.

As was the usual he remained calm about it in the days preceding the event. Luhan, on the other hand, seemed set on actually winning, so much so that he dragged both him and Junmyeon to the gym that he was usually so averse to. Tao was the only person who was able to decline Luhan’s ‘invitation’, and that’s mainly because he shut and locked his room’s door before Luhan had the chance to wrench it open. There wasn’t much of a track for Luhan to practice on at the gym but he made do, even keeping at it long after Sehun and Junmyeon went through their normal workout routines. Sehun settled down and sat on the floor watching his boyfriend run his heart out. He thought that it would only take a couple minutes given Luhan’s tendency toward laziness with exercise, but Luhan had an equally strong if not stronger determination that hadn’t come out in ages.

Even though he looked like a deer Luhan had the pride of a stag that fueled his headstrongness. It was shaken thoroughly by Kris’ actions, sure, but it was still in there and came out with a vengeance when Luhan didn’t regulate himself. It was exactly what made Sehun fall in love with him in the first place and now it was his job to make sure that he didn’t burn himself out. Luhan was still rearing to go hours later, which prompted Sehun to step in and stop him before he exhausted himself completely.

This cycle continued all the way up until the very last day before the event, and Sehun had to stop Luhan from running off to the gym the morning before they headed off to the stadium. They all donned their regulation hoodies and huge information tags, the latter of which required some assistance from the others to put on correctly, before marching out. At first it was funny coming out of the dorm in matching outfits to cheers from Baekhyun and Lay attempting to overpower the jeers from Chanyeol and Jongin. The humor of the situation quickly dissipated despite attempts from Junmyeon to lighten up everything, to the point where the couple joined their hands for the entirety of the trip. The silence was once again broken when they arrived, the stadium positively abuzz with security, camera crews and most importantly, other idols. Even though they came relatively early there were groups that he could see even from the entrance and he doubted everyone there had just arrived.

Before they were allowed inside they were required to pick up these bracelets with their name on them. He was sure there was some kind of explanation for why they did so but he tuned out almost immediately and hoped that either Tao or Junmyeon got it. After they received their bracelets they had to wait in line behind two other groups while they were checked

They ended up right behind the girls of both 4minute and Wonder Girls. He couldn’t imagine how awkward it must have been for Hyuna to be so close to the group she used to be in, but she didn’t seem to be anywhere near fazed. He had the feeling that both Tao and Luhan could get along with her if they had the chance to speak, but that was highly unlikely, since they were already being ushered off to different sections of the stadium, to wait amongst their team members.

Even from afar he could see Super Junior in their own little bubble away from the group while SHINee hovered close to, but did not interact with, Red Velvet. He had to look twice when he spotted an unusual figure that, as far as he knew, wasn’t supposed to be there, chatting happily with Irene. He nudged Luhan and gestured to the person with a move of the head. Luhan’s nod confirmed his suspicion that he wasn’t seeing things and it actually was Kim Taehyung, V of BTS.

While they still had time he had a brief conversation with Junmyeon about what V could possibly be doing there, but the leader was just as clueless as the rest of them. It was clear that this wasn’t a planned thing by a long shot, but he wasn’t just about to let it go. Tao broke off from the group far before Sehun made a move to talk to anyone, but it wasn’t as if he expected Tao to be anything close to a social butterfly. Junmyeon and Luhan knew exactly who Sehun was making a beeline for and broke off a little bit later, going back to Tao since they didn’t have any pleasantries to exchange. Sehun easily sat on the floor next to Seulgi. “Hi.”

She grinned and patted his leg. “I was starting to think that you weren’t really coming along. There are so many people here who are older and more experienced… What am I saying? That’s exactly what you are. Jeez, I’m nervous.”

“No, I totally get you. I might be your sunbae, but with Super Junior and SHINee around we’re like children. It’s just a blessing that we’re on their team. Don’t sweat it, though, isn’t SEVENTEEN even younger than Red Velvet?”

“Is that how it works?” She gave a short laugh. “You just hope that somebody’s younger than you? But yeah, I guess so. Should we talk to them when they arrive?”

“That’s basically it. You just have to wait and then magically you’re a hoobae. Talking to SEVENTEEN though- who would we even speak to?”

“Whoever’s closest? Sometimes you never know who you could meet if you’re brave enough to talk to them.” Seulgi momentarily frowned and looked behind her, Sehun instantly following her gaze. Irene and V were both looking at them. Since Joy and Yeri were engrossed in their own conversation despite the fact that they were just a few seats away, there was an awkward silence that permeated the air. Without even meaning to his face hardened into that usual intimidating look while V stared back at him blankly.

“Okay, we’re not doing this.” Irene frowned and looked down. “For a few minutes I’d like this to be a normal interaction between friends instead of a petty rivalry between people you haven’t even spoken to. Taehyung, this is Sehun. Sehun, this is Taehyung.”

He hesitated for a second before he offered his hand and bowed. After a slightly awkward handshake he gave a crooked smile and tried his best to make small talk. It was so hard not to think of him as anything but a rival that he stuttered. “S-So. How do you know Red Velvet?”

Taehyung was just as shaken as he was, but he kept his reply remarkably solid. “I met Irene first. This was before they even debuted, so she looked just like right now. Brown hair, no makeup. I was starving and the closest thing to where we were staying at the time was a café. It was crowded and we weren’t allowed to bring up food, so I just ordered and hoped for the best. Of course there weren’t any seats left, so I awkwardly had to ask her if I could sit at her table and hope she didn’t recognize me. She saw right through it and I was prepared to deal with a fan or a huge scandal waiting to happen, but it turned out she was an idol herself. Which… could have also been a huge scandal, admittedly. She was nice enough not to speak about it and a few days later I saw her on Music Bank with thick eyeliner and crazy pink hair.”

“That’s a lot more interesting then my story, to be honest. Have you watched Tokki Talk at all?”

“Huh? Oh, no.”

“It’s a variety show. The host invited me and Seulgi specifically, without our respective groups, so our first meeting was at the studio. After we filmed we exchanged numbers so she could ask for advice whenever she needed it. After that more people got interested. I got to know Minho, Taeyeon and Heechul just because we ended up visiting Red Velvet before or after their performances at the same time. Then I met the rest of the members when they invited me over to dinner.” Taehyung raised his eyebrow, prompting Sehun to rush to explain. “It wasn’t anything suspicious. We just talked about being idols.” He also came out during that conversation, but there was no way in hell he’d be saying it in front of Taehyung, Irene’s notion of friendliness be damned.

Seulgi chimed in after a small giggle, lifting the burden from him. “I met Sehun before I met Jimin. Thanks to him Red Velvet got even more popular and basically kickstarted public interest in us. It’s a shame you can’t talk with us more. It’s tiring when people assume we hate eachother or instantly think we’re dating when we post a picture together.”

“That’s right. Seulgi took a picture with me and uploaded it and everybody started commenting ‘Ah, ah, this is proof of Seulhun’. Then a few days later she took a selfie and people started pointing out her necklace for some reason and they ended up saying ‘This is proof of Seulmin’. They’re crazy sometimes. Do you ever have that problem?”

Irene and Taehyung both exchanged glances before Irene nodded and spoke up. “Definitely. We’re also friends with Blackpink so there’s this entire theory about Blackvelvet. If Taehyung and I were to take a picture right now the fans would explode again.”

Taehyung rubbed the back of his neck and looked away but nonetheless nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Even if it’s true the fans would make a huge fuss about it. That’s what happened with Baekhyun and Taeyeon, right?”

He flinched a little just out of reflex. “It’s very unlikely fans will approve of any relationship you have when you’re still part of a group. Ruins the fantasy or something. There are a lot of things that should be public but won’t be because of the fans or the company.”

Before any more could be said Jimin came by speedily, bowing and greeting everybody respectfully but within a few seconds it was clear he was there for Taehyung. Jimin leaned over and whispered something in Seulgi’s ear before he and Taehyung took their leave, shooting quick goodbyes as they left. Irene also excused herself, though she headed off in an entirely different direction. He was understandably puzzled, but Seulgi seemed just as confused as he was.

“What happened?”

“I’m sure more groups are funneling in and they need to get back to their division.”

“Well, what about Irene?”

Seulgi shrugged. “Dunno.”

It was an odd situation, to say the least, but he wasn’t about to ask what Jimin whispered to her. It was just her business. There was something a lot more pertinent he had to do, though, so he ran over to Luhan and dragged him over to Seulgi, who grinned brightly at the sight of him. Sehun looked around to make sure none of the cameras were rolling and there was nobody in earshot that didn’t need to be. Joy and Yeri apparently finished their conversation while he was escorting Luhan, so all three girls greeted Luhan brightly. He gave a proud pat on Luhan’s shoulder.

He kept his voice quiet but audible enough. “You were curious about who my boyfriend was, right? This is Luhan, and we’re dating.”

There was a loud ‘Ohhhh’ coming from all the members except Seulgi. She seemed to be the most perceptive of the group aside from Irene, so even though he didn’t actually tell her about it over the phone like he normally did, she figured it out ages ago. A few members of the surrounding groups stared at them so Luhan hid his face while Joy rushed to shush the others. It was quite amusing seeing Luhan embarrassed by someone other than him.

When Luhan composed himself he took his hands off of his face and nodded. “Yeah. Uh. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I hope you allow me to date your brother-” Sehun hit him playfully, laughing as he did so. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know Sehun had so many sisters. Forgive me if I don’t get your names on the first try.”

Yeri stood up with a completely serious face. “If you really want to date our brother, then where are the gifts for all of us?”

Luhan opened his mouth to respond but couldn’t keep a straight face and turned away as he broke into a laughing fit. Sehun picked up the slack and responded for his boyfriend. “His gift is his looks. And mine. We both wanted to offer our handsomeness.”

“All of us are visuals.” There was a moment of silence before Joy cracked up, causing Yeri to break character and shove Joy before she got right back into it. “We’re pretty enough by ourselves.”

“You have it all wrong. We want to join Red Velvet. Make it into a coed. Red Exo. It’ll be stronger with seven visuals.”

“We keep the name Red Velvet and we have a deal.”

“A deal it is.”

Luhan finally got over his laughing fit and straightened up again, directing his question to Seulgi. “Does this always happen?”

“I don’t know what Sehun’s usually like, but this is exactly what it’s like with Yeri.”

“Sehun’s a dork.”

“I get what you mean.”

Sehun rubbed his hands and looked around, spotting the members of NCT and most importantly, Johnny. He said his goodbyes to the girls of Red Velvet and jogged over to Johnny with Luhan in tow. Luhan decided to start up the conversation, though his ‘Heeeeey’ certainly wasn’t out of confidence. Johnny, on the other hand, wasn’t quite as awkward and shook Luhan’s hand before long.

“You two still dating?”

Luhan raised an eyebrow. “You knew?”

“Oh, please. The way Sehun was all over you? He can be really clingy, sure, but he never wanted to eat with me when you were free. It was always ‘He’s out with Yixing so I can go, I guess’. He was always behind you, always looked jealous of Jongin, always trailed behind you. Now you’re trailing behind him! Back to the original question, though. Sehun went silent on me when you left and didn’t talk about you even after you came back.”

“We… temporarily broke up. Made a few bad decisions but we’re back together.”

Johnny gave a whistle and nodded. “Certainly looks like it. Well, congrats to the both of you.”

Sehun decided to come in with his own question. “How are things with you and Ten?”

“Shoot, we haven’t even debuted yet. Give it some time. You waited until you debuted for Luhan, right?”

“Nope.”

“Exact- what? You didn’t wait at all?”

“No, I literally confessed to him before we were even confirmed for EXO. You’re already ahead of us. You’re definitely going to debut.”

“He’s not lying to me, is he, Luhan? Sehun, this isn’t something you should be joking or lying about with your boyfriend right here.”

Luhan rolled his eyes. “It’s something we joke and lie about all of the time. That’s what being in an idol relationship is like. He didn’t wait. That’s the truth. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t wait to go for Ten, but I’m saying that you shouldn’t wait to go for Ten.”

“I get it. Fine. I’ll… find the best opportunity.”

“You won’t find it. Trust me, you won’t.”

“Ugh, what am I supposed to do? Waltz up to him and confess right now?”

“No, you should corner him outside of the dance practice room and confess there where anyone could pass by.” Luhan threw a dirty glance toward Sehun, who huffed and shook his head. “If it could work for Sehun then it could work for you.”

“In the hallway? Really, Sehun?”

Sehun raised his hands and sighed. “Fine. It wasn’t the best place. But the important thing is that I got with Luhan. Plain and simple. We have other people we need to meet, so I’ll talk to you later.”

“That sounds like a bail.”

“It’s half the truth and half a bail.”

“That was a short conversation.”

“I know, but Ten’s heading for us right now.”

“Don’t leave me.”

“Bye!” He and Luhan shared a laugh as they moved away to the sound of Ten cheerily greeting Johnny. Since Minho was walking away with Jonghyun and Heechul was off pestering Hyuna, he exhausted his list of people to introduce his boyfriend to, so they regrouped with Tao and Junmyeon.

Luhan seemed to forget that they were at a public event and laid his head down on Sehun’s shoulder, but he let it slide since they could just lie about the nature of their relationship again. For a time they just sat and watched the multitude of K-Pop stars funnel in, though he was most interested in the rest of Team Starry Sky. SEVENTEEN, although seemingly more extroverted and open to people, kept to themselves while AOA surprisingly interacted well with SHINee. Lovelyz was the only group that did what he expected, in that they almost immediately went for their labelmates Infinite. He nudged Luhan and gestured to the rest of the groups. “Wanna meet anybody?”

“Tired. Not really. I was about to fall asleep on your shoulder.”

“Sleeping now would be bad. Not just because people could see, but doesn’t that affect your running too?”

“Whatever. I told you this would happen. I’m bored already.”

“Talk to Tao or something.”

“Is it too early for us to sneak away?”

“People haven’t even shown up yet. Yes, it’s too early.”

“What are you going to do that prevents me from sleeping on you?”

“I want to talk to someone.”

“Johnny or Seulgi?”

“Either one of them, yeah. You know me so well.”

“Fine. I’ll talk to Tao. He hasn’t done anything this entire day.”

“Thanks.”

He stretched out, working out the kinks of having to stay still with Luhan on his shoulder and went over to Johnny. He was a lot closer than he was before, but it was highly likely that he just moved over there to talk to someone else like the majority of idols were doing. On his way over he noticed just how many idols were roaming around and he figured that the cameras were already rolling, so he did his best not to do anything too ridiculous. He tapped Johnny’s shoulder and just like that they were talking again as if they hadn’t paused at all.

“How was your chat with Ten?”

“As painful as ever.”

“Did you take Luhan’s advice?”

“Absolutely not. Did you really expect me to?”

“Not really. This is a horrible place to do it. It has to be a bit more secluded.”

“Exactly what I was thinking. Luhan’s as pushy as ever. How do you deal with it?”

“I tell him to stop.”

“…Really? That’s all?”

“Pretty much? I ask him to stop and he stops. Might just be because he’s my boyfriend, but you know.”

“Lucky.”

“Ten’ll be lucky if he can do the same with you.”

“I’m not that pushy.”

“You can be unreasonable sometimes.”

“Oh, so I’m the unreasonable one now, even though you regularly make it a habit to be mean to Junmyeon.”

“You have it all wrong. It’s not being mean, it’s just showing him we still have individuality and strong opinions even if he’s our leader. And I don’t even do it anymore. Minseok’s my leader now, remember?”

“You don’t rebel against Minseok too, do you?”

“Again, it’s not rebellion. And no, Minseok’s too squishy for that. Ironically makes me want to follow his orders so I don’t hurt him instead of actual consequences.”

“Oy, did you hang up your name yet?”

“For what?”

“Are you going to participate in the 60m and 4 x 100m?”

“4 x 100m.”

“Then you need to put it on the pole, right over there. Didn’t you listen to what they were telling you?”

“Would you believe me if I said that I didn’t?”

“I wouldn’t believe you if you said you did. Now hurry up and put it on before you’re disqualified or something. That’s the entire reason I’m around here instead of with NCT.”

“You mean instead of Ten.”

“Hurry up and do it.”

Sehun gave a small nod before walking over to the poles, quickly and easily dropping his name on the event that he was supposed to be part of. Once that was done he strolled back over to Johnny, who was facing away this time. “Junmyeon’s not that bad anymore anyway.” He waited for a response and when he didn’t get one he assumed it was just because Johnny either didn’t hear or he didn’t know how to respond.

“He hasn’t matured, persay, since he was plenty mature already. I guess he just learned how to lighten up. You know?” He tried to gauge Johnny’s reaction with a look and ended up staring at somebody completely different. For a moment he could swear he was about to have a heart attack just out of the embarrassment of talking to someone completely different (especially with how their names were on their clothing) even though it took only a few seconds to apologize and bow. Whoever the guy was took it nicely and bowed even though he wasn’t in the wrong and Sehun hurried off, looking for Johnny.

It seemed that Johnny ditched him completely and he sighed in both embarrassment and exasperation. He turned around and found that Seulgi and Yeri were there, pitying looks on their faces. He could tell that they already saw the whole thing. Using them as a lifeline he scurried over and groaned, leading Seulgi to pat his arm and comfort him. “It happens to all of us, so don’t worry.  The guy you were talking to was Jeonghan, from SEVENTEEN. He’s in our team anyway, so it isn’t too awkward as long as you weren’t talking about something bad.”

“I was talking about Suho.”

“Oooh. Err, positively or negatively?”

“Posi… both?”

“You want to try to remedy the situation and introduce yourself to him?”

He looked back at Jeonghan, who was already speaking to two others he knew as Wonwoo and Jun, quickly looking back at Seulgi so he didn’t seem too suspicious, only to make himself even more suspicious in the process. “What am I supposed to do, though? How am I supposed to introduce myself with what just happened?”

“You could follow my lead.”

“How?” He giggled a bit as he pitched up his voice and did the Red Velvet greeting, complete with the hand action underneath his chin and the small bow. “Happiness! Hello, we’re Red Velvet!”

Yeri chortled and walked away, covering her face out of the sheer second hand embarrassment, unwilling to be caught up in what he made. Seulgi stared at him in disbelief before sighing. “Whatever you do, don’t do that. Look, you introduced Luhan to us, right? Just use Luhan. I’ll come along too.”

“You’re willingly going to be part of this?”

“Just because you ruined your chance doesn’t mean I ruined mine. There’s a reason why Red Velvet is friends with EXO, BTS, MAMAMOO and Blackpink.”

“Point taken.”

Seulgi followed him along while he retrieved Luhan, which actually delayed the process a bit when Junmyeon excitedly chatted with her about the choreography for Dumb Dumb that he was apparently learning. While the conversation was going on Sehun explained the situation to Luhan, who roasted him for a solid minute and a half. When they finished Jeonghan, Wonwoo and Jun were still hovering around eachother so they decided to charge in right at that moment with Luhan in the lead.

“Greetings, my name is Luhan, I’m from EXO. This is Red Velvet’s Seulgi and the guy who just embarrassed himself in front of you all is Sehun, my bandmate. He just wanted to apologize for making you part of all of this.”

Jeonghan shook his head and bowed again, the other two following just moments afterward. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. He doesn’t need to apologize, it’s OK.”

“He also wanted to show me around to people, but since he doesn’t know who’s who I had to take over from this point on. Kinda awkward just talking between ourselves when there are four other people around, so mind if I ask what you use for your hair?”

The start was very weird but Jeonghan didn’t seem to find it awkward at all. In fact, his eyes gleamed at the chance to speak with another pretty-faced male visual and they hit it off talking about hair and skincare products. Seulgi looked at the potential candidates for conversation and quickly nabbed Jun for herself with a well-placed inquiry about his subunit, which turned out to be performance. Seulgi, being the dance bear, trotted off with him in tow talking about choreography. All this took place in only a few seconds so Wonwoo and Sehun were left staring at eachother. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, trying to think of a good lead-in when he just gave up and stole Seulgi’s question.

“So what subunit are you part of?”

“Hip-hop. I’m actually the lead rapper.”

He nearly yelled ‘Thank god’ for finding something they had in common, but he refrained from doing so by biting the side of his cheek. “Really? I’m the lead rapper for my group too.”

“I… actually already knew that. I follow EXO and BTS a lot so I heard about the change.”

“Oh? You actually keep up with groups that aren’t your own?”

“Is that weird? Sorry. SEVENTEEN just started out and I wanted to see what really worked with people. NCT and EXO were both inspiration for the subunits.”

“It’s not weird at all. EXO debuted trying to catch up to Super Junior and SHINee.”

“And now we have to catch up to you all.”

“I don’t know if you should really think about it like that. You start to get competitive. The idol world doesn’t have to be as bad as it could be, y’know? We don’t have many incidents of idol feuds. It’s just fanwars.”

Wonwoo looked intensely uncomfortable for a moment. “People have pointed out the fact that I bashed SNSD when I was younger, so I definitely know what it feels like. I apologized already and figured out it was a lot more difficult, don’t worry. I just didn’t expect to be so friendly with someone from a group as big as EXO.”

“SNSD may be a K-Pop titan, but they’re regular people who have their own insecurities. I could literally introduce you to Taeyeon if you want.”

“I-It’s OK. I don’t know if I’m ready to face them down just yet. Isn’t it kind of awkward for friendships between companies?”

“I used to think so too, but Red Velvet just broke down all of my expectations. They know basically everyone and now Seulgi’s sneaking her way into SEVENTEEN. We really should have taken the chance to speak with other groups while we were still coming up the ladder. There’s nothing but benefits from being friends with others.”

“I guess. It’s a lot different from seeing people on TV or on video. I can’t even believe that I’m talking to you.”

“I still can’t talk to anybody from Super Junior except for Heechul or anybody from SHINee except for Minho. I’m right there with you. Sometimes I have to question whether or not I’m really on speaking terms with Taeyeon.”

“Are we on regular speaking terms, then?”

“Definitely. You seem really cool, you know?”

Wonwoo’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Is that the kind of image you were going for? Because it works.”

“Yeah, yeah it is. Sometimes I feel like I’m too cheerful or too stone-faced and it pulls fans away.”

“That’s the exact opposite, to be honest. It’s the same thing for me. You look intimidating but you get a lot of fans when they realize you aren’t as tough as you look. Do you do aegyo?”

“Uh, I did the cheeseburger aegyo once.”

“People eat it up. I may not like doing aegyo, but the fans love it. I’m forced to do it since I’m the maknae.”

“You’re the maknae?”

“Wait, you knew about the roles but not my age?” He snickered.

“Sorry. I always assumed that Xiumin or Luhan was the maknae.”

“Xiumin’s the oldest.”

“He’s the oldest!?”

“Luhan’s also the second oldest.”

“So where does Suho end up?”

“Fourth.”

“I’m confused now.”

“Don’t worry, EXO confuses everybody. Isn’t it like that with the sixteen other members?”

“Excuse me?”

“You know, seventeen members, right?”

“We don’t have seventeen members. We were supposed to come out with seventeen, but it’s just thirteen members now.”

“So how do you still keep up with the seventeen theme?”

“Thirteen members, three subunits and one big whole.”

“That’s a pretty good excuse. I’m glad that EXO didn’t have a number problem. NCT, on the other hand…”

“Oh yeah, what’s going on with NCT?”

“Nobody knows what’s going on with NCT. Not even NCT themselves. Funnily enough, I actually mistook Jeonghan for Johnny from  NCT.”

“Not to be rude, but we have our names on our clothing…”

“I know, that’s why it was so embarrassing. I was just looking at our hair and the color of the clothing. That’s why I didn’t catch that I was talking to somebody else. Johnny disappeared on me.”

“Where is he right now?”

Sehun scanned the entire stadium before his eyes landed on the perpetrator, and he pointed Wonwoo to him. Before long Wonwoo caught sight of him and nodded with a low ‘Ohhh’.

“I could definitely see why you’d be confused now. They look exactly the same from behind.”

“Could you explain it to him properly later?”

“Definitely.”

At that point they were interrupted by an announcement that signaled the official start of the events. He said goodbye to Wonwoo and was part of the pack of idols who all swarmed to their respective areas in an almost chaotic fashion. Almost all of the Red Velvet members were in a similar situation and he chuckled as he saw Irene and Yeri jogging from the opposite side of the arena. The opening ceremony took place and soon enough Luhan and Tao were called away for the start of the 60m.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Semi-long hiatus ahead. Since this chapter takes place roughly around the middle of 2016 that leaves me with only half a year and this year for new content. There is the potential for this to go on literally forever as long as EXO exists, but for now I'm stopping it here to focus on other fanfics that I've been meaning to get to for ages. This fic will still be updated, but highly, highly sporadically, if I feel like it.
> 
> If it's been a ridiculously long time since I've updated and you still want to see this fic continued, you can yell at me on my tumblr, elegantlypractical.


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